Bawlin' Cawlin' 01-21-09

This must be what the Kidd looked like to Mark Cuban last year.

It's not in Sue's collective personality to expect our readers to have any compassion for Mark "Me! Me! Me!" Cuban. Through 41 and 35 games this season, respectively, Kidd (8.9 PPG, 8.3 APG, 2.3 SPG, 6.7 RPG) isn't excatly looking like the Maverick's messiah compared to Devin Harris (22.3, 6.4, 1.5, 3.1). I haven't for one second thought this was a good deal for the Mavs, especially taking into account age (35 and 25) and salary ($21.4 millie to $7.8 millie), but this is one of those that will only get worse as time progresses.

Still love that O-ridge Kidd jersey from the Mavs way-back-when though.

Good win for the Hawks last night. Bibby's 31 were both necessary and further fodder for the relevancy of Sue's New Year's Resolution for the Hawks. A nice little rest before hosting Milwaukee at home on Friday, and Sue's will see you there.

Picks for your kicks?

Record
OBJ: 5-2
Joe Friday: 6-1

The excitement continues to build like attending a Strong Man competition live as Friday pulls ahead for the first time.

Today's Picks

OBJ: Cleveland (-1) over Portland

I understand Portland's got a decent record at 25-16, including 15-4 at home. I understand Cleveland should be falling a little bit back to earth after their white-hot start. And for the 2nd (many more to come!) time this season, I understand that Vegas knows what the hell they're talking about. But what about the Cavaliers' shellacking Monday night at the hands of Kobe and Company (105-88)? Lebron was D'd up real well all game long by #24, and you know he's been boiling like a fissure just waiting to bring "Whoooooooah MONSTER JAM!!" on top of 3 Blazers. I feel better about this pick than I do every other pick I've made this season. Only thing that could make this pick better is if it were cooked in bacon grease. It's that good. (Note: this includes Saturday's unfortunate trying-of-the-waters tip toe into the Over/Under for the first time, resulting in Jammin' here missing the Under by 15.5)

Joe Friday: Houston (-5) over Utah

Bawlin' Cawlin' 01-17-09

Yes. It's a hawk with a cast. What?

The Hawks lost again last night, losers of 6-of-8 now, which included a season-high-tying 4 L's in a row. Confusingly, J-Smith was the top scorer in four of those games. I'm okay with Josh Smith getting some points, as long as it doesn't involve taking low-percentage terrible jump shots (can you have one without the other?). But what makes me scratch my head is that Smith wasn't the leading scorer on the Hawks until January 3rd's win over Houston, and since then he's been the top scorer three more times. Is there a redirected offensive philosophy in play here I'm not catching? This deserves a closer look.

In a game that beat the Over by 17 points (we love offense), the most resounding highlight most certainly came from the mouth of Sue's contributor Stephen Jackson. Jackson, who has missed the last four games with a sore hammy and scored 24 points - including a late three-pointer that pretty much sealed the game - had this retrospective to offer on his performance:

"I bumped my knee and that hurt more than the hamstring," Jackson said. "If I can walk and spit at the same time, I know I'm going to play 40 minutes."

No, I have no idea what this means. And no, I won't even venture a guess that has the potential to produce a few laughs at the expense of Stephen Jackson. He might know how to find me. But seriously. If you were holed up in a house surrounded by men shooting at you a la final scene of Young Guns, isn't Stephen Jackson on your All NBA Liberating Posse squad? Rounding it out I suppose we'd have Ron Ron at SF, Jamaal Tinsley at the Point, and Ricky Davis in the Swing slot. Center would be a tough call, but I suppose I want Yao out there, because for some reason I can picture him with an angry face and an AK-47. Even if he gets his head shot off inexplicably early in the fight, circa Charlie Sheen YGs, I think the 7-foot Chinese man would intimidate my would-be captors, or at the very least distract them long enough for me to bounce.

"And see here, this is my Tupac attempt to seem deep and thuggish simultaneously."

So Marvin Williams was taken to the hospital last night after being clocked in the head, and may not even travel home for Atlanta's next game. Injuries are really starting to be a consistent theme of this season, but as injury-plagued seasons go, it seems that the more you talk about them the worse they get. So for now, let's not dissect all the injuries and talk about What Ifs. My aim is to remain positive and upbeat about this Hawks team until they completely convine me they're the same ol' Hawks team of the past several years (you know, the one you know can pull out a game against anyone but by halfway through the fourth, you really have no clue if they're going to win or lose). But, I'm also going to temper that with some realism. So I think the upcoming thuree games after a long rest - home against Toronto, at Chicago and Miluwalkee - are all very winnable. But 2 of 3 should be our expectation as Hawks fans, especially with only 3 games in 6 days. We'll check back Saturday and see where we're at.

Onto the picks!

Record
OBJ: 4-1
Joe Friday: 4-1

It's tantamount to my success that I don't allow the excitement to go to my head.

Today's Picks

OBJ: Houston (-3.5) over Miami.

As I said in the last Bawlin', "It'll only be too fitting if the Spurs end my perfect record." Damnit. Let's see how another Texas team does for me.

OBJ 2: Denver/Orlando OVER 209 1/2

My first over/under NBA pick. Why didn't I sell my NBA gambling virginity on the internet??
Joe Friday: San Antonio (-3) over Chicago

Joe Friday 2: Chicago/San Antonio UNDER 195.5

Bawlin' Cawlin' 01-14-09

Apparently "Ooooh, DAMN!!!"s run on Diesel, even in Espanol

As Sue's commonly points out, we love supposedly washed up athletes who long ago earned and held the title of "Superstar." We watch them, we root for them, we draft them and we, above all else including sound reasoning, continue to believe that they will perform at a high level. Which brings us to Shaq Diesel (how in the hell is it that only a Spanish version of O'Neal's Blue Chips highlights exists out there?). Last night against the Hawks (insert frowny face), Shaq grabbed with authority his 9th 20-point game of the season. He had 8 all of last year. It's nice to see Shaq having at the very least a mini-resurgence. He's been one of the more positive athletes of my generation - as evidenced by his dry heave-inducing movies - and I like to see him do well. Hell, I'd even like to see him win another title.

He did it for the kids, see

Unfortunately, Shaq's latest statement game had to come against the hometown Hawks, in which Joe Johnson scored 11 points on 4-21 shooting. 4-21!! Where's the "playing against my former team gonna do everything I can to pull out a win" mentality? The defense looked organized and stifling in shutting down both Joe-Jo and Bibby, so we'll give the nod to the Suns rather than the shake to Johnson. In fact, I completely agree with Micah with regards to the fact that supporting members of the Hawks picked up the slack is a very good sign, and if Joe-Jo had a better night Atlanta could have taken this one.

The Hawks' next three games are very winnable, at the Clips, at the Warriors and back home for the Raptors. There's nothing like playing crappy teams to get your team back on track and put all these consecutive losses behind you. The Hawks now only have the 10th best record in the league, so no time like the present, guys. If we could only get J-Smith to stop taking those damn jump shots, especially when the game's on the line in the final minute.

Now, I'm not as pessimistic (perhaps realistic?) as str8talk, but something needs to be reversed soon.

Onto the picks!

If you were paying attention yesterday, Sue's went 4 'fer 4 with our picks. Somebody could be exploiting Sue's Cawlin' worse than a single mom wrenching every last dime out of a soul-crushed baby daddy.

Record
OBJ: 4-0
Joe Friday: 3-1

This is more exciting than the first 2.5 hours of Titanic!

Today's Picks

OBJ: San Antonio (-2.5) over Lakers

I originally had the Lakers to cover as today's pick...but after thinking it through for fifteen minutes I switched up. Being where I was born, I've always rooted for the Spurs, so I had this great "first time picking against my team" schpeel planned out as to why I would take my least favorite basketball team against one of my favorites. I found my salvation at the last moment in remembering the home team won all four games in last year's regular season series. It'll only be too fitting if the Spurs end my perfect record.

Joe Friday: MIA (+6) over MIL

SJF attempted to pick the same game as me today, but I finally talked him out of it. Stupid, considering I feel about as confident with this pick as I did about any of the ACC match-ups from the 2008 College Football season that wasn't.

(Note from Friday: Since that last sentence made about as much sense as an Al-Jazeera sitcom without subtitles, I'm gonna assume he meant to finish it off with "...that wasn't a pre-picked Maryland selection due to my newfound Shanoffian allegiance to the Terps.")

(Note from 'Jammin: Sgt. Joe's a moron. What'd he hone his writing skills at Grady College or something? The College Football season that wasn't, as in the College Football weekend that was, as in the College Football season that was, or in this case, was not. As far as the above comment...what's the big deal? We'll save an entire Dennis Millerian rant for another post, but doesn't it stand to reason I should want my girlfriend to be happy? Doesn't this in many ways, both directly and indirectly, affect my ceiling of happiness? I won't delve too deep into it at the moment, but rooting for your significant other's team - especially when said significant other invests a significant, albeit irrational, degree of satisfaction in the outcome of a game - is just simple common sense).

Bawlin' Cawlin' 01-13-09

Will never get old

I'm starting to think that Tracy McGrady will never be the force I once thought he could be. Ailing shoulder, Tracy? Bad back, Tracy? C'mon, man. I'm almost certain that the Rockets will make it past the first round of the playoffs this year, but it will not be in large part to the saved-up efforts of T-Mac who rested through 40% of the season so he could pull up lame in the playoffs again. Isn't this sort of like the one virgin in a group of friends finally having his best shot with a girl, only to pass out from too many Jager Bombs and wake up to all of his friends engaged in various stages of sexual contact with the women? Poor T-Mac.

In keeping with my notoriously superstitious fandom, I'm thinking I will start to spit on the homeless, burn the American flag, tear up the hedges at Sanford Stadium and join the Gelsky in screaming that every other Braves batter is a bum. Soon, the homeless will all be back on track with jobs, America will pull herself up and dust herself off from this nagging and spirit-crushing gut-raping recession, Georgia players will stop worrying about draft status and play up to their potential (and win a title? maybe??) and the Bravos will once again make the playoffs. Right. And the monkeys and pigs that just flew out of my butt are having a tea party with me next Tuesday.

In any case following the above logic, you can call me a home team-hating vagabond-smacking commie the next time you see me.

On to the picks!

Note: We realize that it's been slightly more than a week since our last Bawlin' Cawlin,' but that's the beauty part of using your own personal online forum to dictate sports opinions - we can do whatever the hell we want!

In all seriousness we will be making a much more concerted effort to post, as we stated, "weekly, biweekly or semi-weekly" NBA picks. We have to make this overpriced meal at the chop house plus $500 worth it.

Record
OBJ: 2-0
Joe Friday: 1-1

Getting more and more exciting! I know all of you are rooting for me, so props to everyone placing side bets on me winning the pot.

Today's Picks
OBJ 1: Miami (-1) over Minnesota.

I know Vegas knows what the hell their doing, so this one seems way too easy. Probably because it is...and yet why do I feel compelled to throw an extra hunny on this?

OBJ 2: Atlanta (+8) over Phoenix

So far Atlanta's been 2 fer' 2 for me. Keep it up BABY HAWKS!

Joe Friday 1: LAL (-4) @ Houston

Joe Friday 2: Dallas (+6) over DEN

The Colonoscopy (or the equivilent of a clip show) of Blogging

Since both my Super Bowl picks were promptly eliminated in their first playoff game, I've decided to look back at my college football preseason predictions in an attempt to maintain the slightest shred of credibility among you seven readers. We'll try to make this as quick and painless as possible. Because, after all, who really gives a shit?

Our 5 fearless predictions were as follows:

1. Clemson will not live up to expectations.

Lock of the year. Taking credit for this would be like taking credit for dunking on a toddler on a 7 and a half foot rim. Trust me, you get no enjoyment out of that.

Also, regardless of the situation that plays out, Bowden WILL receive a contract extension following the season.

Eh...I'm still shocked this didn't happen. Pretty funny Dabo Swinney seems to be receiving the same long leash Bowden enjoyed during his time in Clemson. 8-4eva.

2. The Big 12 will almost, ALMOST, be as good as the SEC...this season.

I am in no mood to argue conference superiority at the moment, so I'll just go with the general consensus and admit the Big 12 was slightly better this season. That won't happen again.

3. West Virginia will begin a long slide back to irrelevance.

Yeah...first of all, it might not be a long slide, as they might be there as early as next year, if they're not there already. Second, their stay in irrelevance might not last long if Bill Stewart continues to get out-coached by the Big East (Carolina)'s finest, because the 'eers fans don't exactly seem like the stable type. Dude doesn't want to end up missing under a couch, if ya catch my drift.

4. Georgia will win the SEC, yet somehow get shut out of the BCS Championship game.

Next.

5. Oklahoma and Ohio State meeting in the BCS Championship Game.

1/2 ain't bad! Hey look, it's our preseason thoughts on the coaching changes:

Winners:
Michigan - It may take a couple of seasons, but Lloyd Carr to Rich Rodriguez is a significant improvement.
Arkansas - Petrino has coached five college seasons and still hasn't hit double digit losses. Duke - Cutcliffe is their best coach since Spurrier. He'll have them in a bowl game and in multiple "where did these guys come from?!?" features within three seasons.
SMU & UCLA - With June Jones and Neuheisel, there will be no lack of excitement in these programs.
Nebraska - Anyone who has successfully studied under Hayden Fry, Bob Stoops and Les Miles is a good choice to coach a Big 12 team.

(Nodding confidently...)

TBD:
Texas A&M - Will Mike Sherman be the next Pete Carroll or Bill Callahan? I'm gonna guess closer to the latter.
Georgia Tech - Paul Johnson could be the best or the worst thing to ever happen to that program and I would not be surprised.

(Smirking...)

Losers: Ole Miss - Yes, The Nuttjob always got the most out of his talent, blah, blah, blah. He also never fully took advantage of having the best SEC running back since Herschel Walker and squandered his best recruiting class through PR gaffes that would make John Rocker blush. If 8-4 seasons is what Ole Miss is looking to get back to, you have to wonder why Cutcliffe was fired in the first place five years ago.

Oye. In my defense, however, this excellent year Nutt gave the Rebels (with The Orgeron's stocked talent, mind you) was one game shy of Cutcliffe's finest season in Oxford, which also ended with a Cotton Bowl victory. Warrants mentioning.

Sue's Preseason Top 10
1. Georgia
2. Oklahoma
3. Ohio State
4. Florida
5. USC
6. LSU
7. Texas
8. Alabama
9. Arizona State
10. Mizzou...with Kansas close behind.

Quick thoughts: 7/10 teams finished the season in the Top 10, although except for USC at #5, no rankings were really spot on...that Alabama pick looks Miss Cleo-esque at this point...that Arizona State pick looks Homeless Guy on MARTA Selling You a Bag of Baking Powder-eqsue at this point...I really need to start making room for a couple mid-majors on these lists...at least one or two finishes in the Top 10 each year, and I was never really that high on Mizzou or Kansas to begin with...Biggest Surprise on this list? LSU's plummet outside the Top 15. Least Big Surprise? Georgia and Ohio State failing to live up to expectations. C'est La Vie.

Almost forgot...we placed some futures bets all the way back in July. I love futures bets. The money is already gone from your account, so months later, when I lose, it's like I don't even notice! And when you hit a futures bet, it's that same "HOLY SHIT FREE MONEY" feeling you get from a winning scratch-off lottery ticket. Then you can promptly go blow it by betting on the Colts to win the Super Bowl.

Bet #1: Georgia 9.0 Wins - OVER ($200)

Yeah, we hit this, by one win. I probably would have bet the over at 10.5 wins. Moving on...

Bet #2: Ohio State 8-1 to win the national championship. ($70)

Eh, ain't like they had an LSU-style dropoff...a risk I could take again, although I'm thisclose to adopting a "never bet on Jim Tressell or Bob Stoops in a BCS Bowl against a non-ACC or Big East team" rule.

Bet #3: Missouri 9.5 wins - UNDER ($50)

Pulled it out their ass in overtime of a bowl game. Argggh...still, so far we're up $80 bucks...

Bet #4: Alabama 7.5 wins - OVER ($100)

BAM!

Bet #5: Duke 3.0 wins - OVER ($80)

4 wins! I was honestly expecting more. Anyways, we were overall spot on for our "Fearless Predictions," and if you followed our futures bets, you would have cleared $260. But then we just haaaad to write this doozy at the end of the futures post...

One more note: Stay the FUCK away from the Florida bets (6-1 NC and 10.0 wins). Reverend Tebow staying healthy in that offense again for an entire year has about as good a chance of happening as Soulja Boi releasing another mediocre-to-decent song, their schedule is brutal, their running game showed no signs of life in spring practice and their defensive backs are dropping left and right. Also, their eight returning starters on defense anchored a unit that was 96th in scoring defense last year. Could be a long fall in Gainesville. Let's hope so.

Umm...at least we were right about the Soulja Boi part. Moral of the story...don't listen to us. Gamble with your gut. Hell, in the long run, you're just going to lose money no matter what you do anyways. OBJ...get something up here ASAP. This cant be up top for long.

Sayanora Smoltz, Howdy Kawakamaieyezkzkzkz

Money...chance at another ring...most annoying fans this side of Soccer hooligans....yeaaaaaah!

When news broke on Thursday morning that John Smoltz was leaving the Braves to sign with the friggin' Red Sox, I was still reeling from the Stafford/Moreno declarations for the NFL. The Smoltz situation elicited a initial sense of outrage from the Braves faithful. Fans were calling up the talk radio stations that day talking about canceling their season tickets and renouncing their allegiance to the ballclub. Chipper Jones expressed his displeasure with the whole situation. AJC "bloggers" (aka commentators to articles) responded to the news with all the lucidity of a crack baby.

As a lifelong Braves fan, I loved watching Smoltz pitch, and appreciated his lifelong commitment to the city and the organization. During the upcoming season, which was sure to feature it's share of snoozefests pitting the Braves against some other cellar-dweller, I could count on the following dialogue taking place between myself and others, and I'd imagine we wouldn't be alone:

Person A: Wanna go to the Braves game tonight?

Person B: Eh, I just went last week and they lost 12-3. Who they playing?

Person A: The Nationals.

Person B: Oh. Fuck No.

Person A: C'mon, the tickets are free I got them (one of the myriad of ways people will acquire 2009 Braves tickets for free).

Person B: Who's pitching?

Person A: Smoltz.

Person B: Hmm...Sure, ok.

Needless to say, I was outraged as well. You're letting a franchise icon walk away for a reportedly $3 million gauranteed? $3 million that is seemingly covered in anthrax given the way other free agents have been hesitant to take the Braves' cash this offseason? Weak, weak, weak. However, a couple of days have passed since then, and I am pleasantly surprised with how quickly myself and other like-minded Braves fans have been able to plow through the five stages of grief. To wit:

Stage 1: Denial - When OBJ texted me on my way to work Thursday morning "Smoltz to BoSox," I quickly switched from my 2728263823rd listening of "The Recession" to 790 and 680. Phew. They were reporting it wasn't a done deal yet...there was still a chance the Braves could up the offer and Smoltz would stay here. Surely he wouldn't leave the team he's been with for 21 seasons to finish his career as a mercenary with the most loathsome franchise in sports...

Stage 2: Anger - When it became apparent that Smoltz wouldn't pull a Furcal and was indeed an f'n Red Sock, my scorn was directed at Frank Wren. How could you let one of the faces of your franchises go over such a measly sum? How could you fuck up this offseason anymore? Is there a more incompetent GM in baseball right now? Is there anyone out there worth a damn that would want to play for this team in 2009? Are we really going to panic-sign Derek Lowe for more than Jake Peavy would be making over the next four years?
Stage 3: Sadness - This stage pretty much started when I realized their was a good possibility the Braves could trot out a starting rotation of Vazquez-Jurrjens-Campillo-Morton-Reyes in 2009. It culminated while reading that Chipper interview when he insinuated there was a good chance he could be traded by the trading deadline; and seeing Mark Bowman report that Bobby Cox made an 11th hour plea to Smoltz early Thursday morning asking him to reconsider.

Stage 4: Reorganization - Whats done is done. As my diehard Braves fan Gelski mentioned to me, maybe Smoltz leaving isn't such a bad thing...the Braves can't keep trotting out old injury-prone pitchers simply because of what they've meant to the franchise in the past. Just because they extended this luxury to Mike Hampton and Glavine, doesn't mean they should keep making similar mistakes. Then the news came out that Smoltz would likely be out until June, which in all honesty, made this pill alot easier to swallow. Rebuilding might be a painful process, but it's necessary at times for nearly every franchise outside of New York or Boston (look at how the current Phillies team was built). Maybe that money could be spent better elsewhere...

Stage 5: Moving On - So where do the Braves go from here? Well, they finalized the long-anticipated signing of Japanese free agent Kenshin Kawakami. Is this a good thing? Who knows, but he is an experienced pitcher to add to the middle of the rotation. He's 33, but pitchers in Japan typically pitch less innings than they would in the bigs (whether this is a positive or negative is a story for another time). Whatever...the Braves finally found someone to take their money. And there's a good chance we could get another epic Furman Bisher column out of this whole ordeal that would lead to Ole Furm lamenting the days when ballplayer's names had less K's, Z's, and Y's.

As for the Derek Lowe thing...I don't want to see him get AJ Burnett money. Hell, I didn't even think Burnett should've gotten Burnett money. I'd rather see the Braves go after the much younger, vastly improving and marginally cheaper Oliver Perez. Or maybe finally trade Escobar and prospects to San Diego for Peavy, plugging Martin Prado in at shortstop (no, I'm not giving up hope until Peavy has landed elsewhere, sorry). However, I'm more concerned about the LF and CF positions.

I was hoping the Braves would grab Pat Burrell to take over cleanup duties and slide into the middle of the lineup between Chipper and Brian McCann. When he signed with Tampa Bay for the bargain price of $16m over two years, I was dumbfounded. Pat the Bat would be a HUGE upgrade over anyone currently on the roster. Adam Dunn, who has hit exactly 40 homers in each of the last five seasons and is an OPS machine, would be a nice addition in left as well, but would make the middle of the Atlanta lineup too lefty-centric. I have no idea what the Braves will do in left, but I didn't actually see them venturing into the "Matt Diaz, everyday player" thought process when the offseason started.

As for center, it looks like one of the young bucks will get every chance to win the job in spring training. I won't lie...the idiotic part of my brain wants to see Andruw Jones return to his old stomping grounds at the major league minimum once the Dodgers cut his (huge) ass. The logical portion of said brain then reminds me that the 90's are over, and perhaps it is time for the Braves to begin the rebuilding process. After the events of this week, I don't know how much clearer the team's front office can send that message to Braves fans.

Guest Star: The Year That Sucked

A real treat for you today, folks. Please note that the opinions expressed in the below editorial are not necessarily those of Runaround Sue's. Any shocking profanity, inconsistent punctuation or baseless hate have been maintained in original form for artistic integrity. If this truly turns out to be a success you will see additional Guest Stars. This week's contributor? Buddhashih't.

You've been warned.

------------------------------------

I fancy myself a football fan, and even though I just used fancy as a verb I consider myself fairly rabid. So if you fancy yourself in need of an ass whoopin then come punk on me for using fancy in that first sentence, bitch. I’m sorry, I’m a bit agitated. I hate Florida. Except for St. Augustine, that whole state can fall into the ocean for all I care and leave a serene Valdosta Bay. I hate the Gators. I hate Timmy Teabag. I hate every single “sportscaster” sucking his Philipino pecker chopping cock every chance they get. I hate Urban “I’m never gonna forget what UGA did to me, boo hoo hoo” Meyer. Fuck them all. Seriously. I wish I could place a bet in Vegas on when exactly Tebow announces that not only is he a leather fag but also a participant in that 2 kids 1 sandbox video. You know you’ve seen it. Don’t lie. Enough about Florida. Congratulations, cocksuckers.

Buddhashih't is angry enough...he may not be able to take it anymore

I’m pissed because I did not believe that the BCS could get worse, but I was wrong. Granted, I think they named the legitimate national champion even if they did get beat by an unranked team. AT HOME!!!! But does anyone remember the Orange Bowl. Not the championship game but the one with Cincinnati and Va Tech. Anyone? I didn’t even know who had won this game until a week later. Why? Because it was a bullshit game. Why as fans do we put up with this horse shit? It literally insults our intelligence to pair teams in a gain nothing/lose nothing game brought to you by UPS or Masingil or something. Seriously, I just looked up who won that game. I didn’t even bother seeing the score. Va Tech won. Good job. Cincinnati was a joke and honestly so was Va Tech. So, I am officially boycotting college football. I figure UGA won’t be good for another two or three years so fuck it.

I’m pissed because a “BCS buster” team has won a major bowl against a good team. Excuse me to the people too dumb to get into polygamist U, but the Utes suck. Oh but dude like Utah beat Bama. Really? Who cares? The game meant shit. All these games that aren’t the championship do is give companies reason to advertise and schools reason to print shirts. Should Bama be embarrassed? Hell yeah. I’d be embarrassed. Remember when West Virginia beat Georgia? I was embarrassed. But if these games mattered I would be a little more forthcoming with credit where credit is due. So what am I advocating? Everyone join in now… PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you miss that college football?

I am boycotting college football. Every year of the BCS has sucked. So fuck the BCS, fuck college football, and fuck you Florida with your mullets, jean shorts, and stupid colors. What are the colors supposed to represent anyway? A peaceful sunrise and clear sky? God, y’all are queer. Your colors should be black and blue like the colors of your assholes when you rednecks run out of sheep to fuck. Rot in hell swamp donkeys. God, I hate Florida.

--Buddhashih’t

Sobered Up - Final Mumme Poll

Final thoughts on a 2009 College Football season gone horribly awry, as expressed through a medium known as the Mumme Poll:

***Foreword by OBJ

The dust has settled. The chalk lines will fade into the wintry earth. Impassioned millions everywhere will find emptiness on Saturdays. The snap counts will fade into echoes. Team logos will only be found on the oldest of Coke 12-packs. Coaches, some inexplicably, will remain safe in their jobs for a few short months.

The 2008-2009 College Football season is over, my friends. It is time to find a constructive alternative for our energies. Perhaps a hobby? Sue's would just like to thank all of you for joining us on our journey through the season. Hawks talk and soon, unfortunately, Braves talk will dominate the pages of Sue's in the months to come.

I have a feeling about the 2009 season. Not necessarily that it will hold a title waiting in the warm bosom of the promise of a new season for Georgia, but that it will be demonstrably more exciting for fans of nearly all teams. Hope springs eternal, and come Spring, we'll have another eternal season starting fresh with rosters fleshing out and Spring games popping up everywhere.

We'll see you then.***

1. Florida - This news is espicially disconcerting. However, the good news is there's no fucking chance in hell Brandon Spikes and Percy Harvin don't go pro. Tebow's third-round ass can talk that up all he wants, but they gone. Whatever. There's been some discussion on Georgia blogs whether or not a Dawg fan should cheer for Florida due to SEC pride, and even as someone who loves loves loves a good S-E-C chant, I still found myself rooting for Oklahoma last night. I'm just sick of this school winning national titles. Still though, excellent performance by the Florida defense in the 2nd half adjusting to Oklahoma's hurry-up offense; and as could be expected, Tebow, Harvin and the Florida OL made the necessary plays to seal the victory in the final 30 minutes.

2. Texas - I don't think they would have faired any better than the Sooners last night, but they should have been there. Now, the question is, should college football implement a playoff system of some...just playin', not going there. And I wish the media wouldn't either. "An 8-team playoff played at the bowl sites would solve all the...." Oh really doctor, I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE! WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA! I HAVEN'T HEARD EVERY FUCKING PLAYOFF SCENARIO POSSIBLE OVER THE LAST 15 YEARS AND HOW GREAT THEY WOULD WORK! PLEASE EXPLAIN FURTHER. As long as the ACC and Big East are around, we will never get a fair playoff system. Deal with it.

3. Utah - Again, SEC snobbery is on the backburner this year. Why isn't Kyle Wittingham getting more looks from big time programs with head coach openings? Does he have a black or Asian wife I don't know about?

4. Oklahoma - With their 5th consecutive loss in a BCS bowl, and third straight in a BCS championship game, are these guys going to start getting the Ohio State no-benefit-of-the-doubt treatment? As long as they continue to play a legit regular season schedule, I don't think so, but it will at least be in folks' minds moving forward.

5. USC - These guys have no claim to the national title, period. They lost to Oregon State, Utah beat OSU a couple weeks later. Try not to lose to Washington next year, yo.

6. Alabama - Sure, Saban has these guys on the uptick, and they'll be a national power for awhile, but next year, with the loss of six valuable seniors and team MVP Andre Smith, expect a SEC-tastic 9-4-ish dropoff next season. Did any other UGA fans get visions of West Virginia while watching Utah start throwing haymakers from the opening kickoff in the Sugar Bowl?

7. Penn State - What's with all the controversy/discussion over JoePa's 3-year extension? First of all, if Charlie Weis or Tommy Bowden coached a team to the Rose Bowl, they'd get an 80-year extension. Just because of this year's success, the extension is warranted. Second, HE'S NOT THE FUCKING COACH ANYMORE. He's a figurehead. Kinda like the Queen of England. Keeping this old man with name-brand recognition around is a good thing for this program. Nice year by these guys, and way to make everyone forget about that ugly offseason.

8. Ohio State - Only three losses, all to teams above them on this list, and only one was a blowout! You know how impressive a feat that is given the offense Jim Tressel runs? It's almost like he's trying to honor Lloyd Carr's legacy out there.

9. TCU - Uncle. I've avoided putting these guys or Boise ahead of many BCS powers all year long, but with only two quality losses all year (Oklahoma, Utah) and a well-coached come from behind win in the Holiday Bowl vs. Boise State, I can snub no more. I will also conveniently ignore the fact that their next best win was against a vastly overrated BYU team.

10. Georgia - Please peep OBJ's thoughts on Black Wednesday (which was followed by Black Thursday, and Black Thursday Night). I agree with most everything he said, and it's time to move forward. Remember the good times. Live in the now. All that bullshit. I won't bother to re-hash everything that has been said about those two, but I will say, I never, ever, ever want to read another fucking article like this about a Dawg. I'd love to go line-by-line and list all the things that pissed me off about that article, but that would be a waste of time. Instead, I will choose to watch and re-watch that final TD from the Cap One bowl that the Senator aptly dubbed "bittersweet" until I am numb and my brain is physically unable to process "if only"-type thoughts.

Mumme extras: Virginia Tech, for upholding the proud tradition of 4-loss conference champions everywhere and leaving everyone clamoring for all ACC-Big East bowl teams to play each other off a remote island somewhere off the coast of Guam; and Ole Miss, because, well, they beat up on Texas Tech, which showed their true stripes about two months later than I thought they would. Something tells me in 3-4 years that Mike Leach will regret not jumping ship (no pun intended) while the iron was hot. How's that for a screwed up metaphor?

My Apollie-Ollogies

Dear Joe,

I sincerely and profusely apologize for the severe lambasting I doled out with such vitriol in your general direction below. I immediately regret it. Not only do I know who you are, I recognize that you've won a game in Sanford stadium before.

Just because my girlfriend dumped me for a richer, more popular guy is no excuse for me to call up one of my exes, give her the Joe Cox, and immediately call her a fat whore and make her leave.

My bad.

Sincerely,

OBJ

The Old Me's Dead and Gone, Dead and Gone

No photos with (attempted) witty subheads today, folks. No links. No arguing about the relative postseason outlook for our Baby Hawks.

Today we simply honor - not mourn - the loss of the two best offensive players at the University of Georgia in my lifetime.

Hundreds of thoughts race through the head of the Dawg fan today. Why did they leave? Is our program not enticing enough to bring back a top-draft-pick quarterback for a fourth year the way USC and [cringe] Tennessee have done in recent years? Who the hell is Joe Cox?

Your boy Joe Friday and I have been lamenting all day. It seriously feels like a terrible break-up. One where you knew the end was coming, but you held out hope until the very end, kicking and scratching your way into the last desperate gasp of a conversation. But no matter what you feel or say, it's over. They believe they've found something better, and if you really love them you'll be happy for them.

I'm not at that stage yet. I'm looking at the 2009 College Football season as not only an opportunity to root on a healthy, lowered-expectations (which is where I always prefer we begin) but still very talented Bulldog team, but also to root against the Stafford legacy. Which is to say that if Joe Cox pulls one out of his sphincter and wins an SEC title, there will be scarce a little boy with tears falling on his still-bright scarcely-washed Stafford jersey. Stafford will be some poor schmo getting pummeled into the ground - and a 3-win season - and the Bulldogs will be a team again.

Look I'm not wishing these boys any ill will whatsoever. But the mentality has got to be: Thanks for coming. There's a lot worse things I would do for $30 millie than leave behind an additional year of eligibility to play at a school. Many of them make me ashamed. And I understand football's a rough, contact sport. You could get injured. I can't blame them for moving on, and we should do the same.

There are two moments in my sports fan history where I have felt so crestfallen I nearly cried. The first was the 2002 Georgia-Florida game, which I was forced to watch with my Father the Florida Fan. Alone. I took a long walk after that game, but in the end only a few half-assed tears came out. The other is today, but I find solace in the fact that...wait a second what the fuck do I find solace in? This is TERRIBLE!!

There simply hasn't been enough time for me to look at this in a positive light just yet. Perhaps that this is the first Aaron Murray tag? I just don't know, as I sit here and shake my head, how I'll get the feeling of wasted potential out of my head. There are worse things than your favorite football team losing it's two best (not to mention 3 of it's top 5 with Southerland and MoMass gone) players. Like finding out you have herpes or something. Just think, there's a Bulldog fan out there somewhere who found that out today. Poor bastard.

So happy trails from Runaround Sue's, Knowshon and Mathew. You provided some great memories and even greater hope for a future that turned out to disappoint, but for a while at least you were a few Damn Good Dawgs. Here's to hoping we won't be missing you for too long, as we usher in and re-invite the true mentality of the Georgia fan back into our hearts: rooting for a team of individuals thankful to be playing in the Red and Black, rather than a few superstars you hope will carry us.

Cox, try not to shit yourself the first time you find yourself in the middle of 92,000+, will ya?