The Colonoscopy (or the equivilent of a clip show) of Blogging

Since both my Super Bowl picks were promptly eliminated in their first playoff game, I've decided to look back at my college football preseason predictions in an attempt to maintain the slightest shred of credibility among you seven readers. We'll try to make this as quick and painless as possible. Because, after all, who really gives a shit?

Our 5 fearless predictions were as follows:

1. Clemson will not live up to expectations.

Lock of the year. Taking credit for this would be like taking credit for dunking on a toddler on a 7 and a half foot rim. Trust me, you get no enjoyment out of that.

Also, regardless of the situation that plays out, Bowden WILL receive a contract extension following the season.

Eh...I'm still shocked this didn't happen. Pretty funny Dabo Swinney seems to be receiving the same long leash Bowden enjoyed during his time in Clemson. 8-4eva.

2. The Big 12 will almost, ALMOST, be as good as the SEC...this season.

I am in no mood to argue conference superiority at the moment, so I'll just go with the general consensus and admit the Big 12 was slightly better this season. That won't happen again.

3. West Virginia will begin a long slide back to irrelevance.

Yeah...first of all, it might not be a long slide, as they might be there as early as next year, if they're not there already. Second, their stay in irrelevance might not last long if Bill Stewart continues to get out-coached by the Big East (Carolina)'s finest, because the 'eers fans don't exactly seem like the stable type. Dude doesn't want to end up missing under a couch, if ya catch my drift.

4. Georgia will win the SEC, yet somehow get shut out of the BCS Championship game.

Next.

5. Oklahoma and Ohio State meeting in the BCS Championship Game.

1/2 ain't bad! Hey look, it's our preseason thoughts on the coaching changes:

Winners:
Michigan - It may take a couple of seasons, but Lloyd Carr to Rich Rodriguez is a significant improvement.
Arkansas - Petrino has coached five college seasons and still hasn't hit double digit losses. Duke - Cutcliffe is their best coach since Spurrier. He'll have them in a bowl game and in multiple "where did these guys come from?!?" features within three seasons.
SMU & UCLA - With June Jones and Neuheisel, there will be no lack of excitement in these programs.
Nebraska - Anyone who has successfully studied under Hayden Fry, Bob Stoops and Les Miles is a good choice to coach a Big 12 team.

(Nodding confidently...)

TBD:
Texas A&M - Will Mike Sherman be the next Pete Carroll or Bill Callahan? I'm gonna guess closer to the latter.
Georgia Tech - Paul Johnson could be the best or the worst thing to ever happen to that program and I would not be surprised.

(Smirking...)

Losers: Ole Miss - Yes, The Nuttjob always got the most out of his talent, blah, blah, blah. He also never fully took advantage of having the best SEC running back since Herschel Walker and squandered his best recruiting class through PR gaffes that would make John Rocker blush. If 8-4 seasons is what Ole Miss is looking to get back to, you have to wonder why Cutcliffe was fired in the first place five years ago.

Oye. In my defense, however, this excellent year Nutt gave the Rebels (with The Orgeron's stocked talent, mind you) was one game shy of Cutcliffe's finest season in Oxford, which also ended with a Cotton Bowl victory. Warrants mentioning.

Sue's Preseason Top 10
1. Georgia
2. Oklahoma
3. Ohio State
4. Florida
5. USC
6. LSU
7. Texas
8. Alabama
9. Arizona State
10. Mizzou...with Kansas close behind.

Quick thoughts: 7/10 teams finished the season in the Top 10, although except for USC at #5, no rankings were really spot on...that Alabama pick looks Miss Cleo-esque at this point...that Arizona State pick looks Homeless Guy on MARTA Selling You a Bag of Baking Powder-eqsue at this point...I really need to start making room for a couple mid-majors on these lists...at least one or two finishes in the Top 10 each year, and I was never really that high on Mizzou or Kansas to begin with...Biggest Surprise on this list? LSU's plummet outside the Top 15. Least Big Surprise? Georgia and Ohio State failing to live up to expectations. C'est La Vie.

Almost forgot...we placed some futures bets all the way back in July. I love futures bets. The money is already gone from your account, so months later, when I lose, it's like I don't even notice! And when you hit a futures bet, it's that same "HOLY SHIT FREE MONEY" feeling you get from a winning scratch-off lottery ticket. Then you can promptly go blow it by betting on the Colts to win the Super Bowl.

Bet #1: Georgia 9.0 Wins - OVER ($200)

Yeah, we hit this, by one win. I probably would have bet the over at 10.5 wins. Moving on...

Bet #2: Ohio State 8-1 to win the national championship. ($70)

Eh, ain't like they had an LSU-style dropoff...a risk I could take again, although I'm thisclose to adopting a "never bet on Jim Tressell or Bob Stoops in a BCS Bowl against a non-ACC or Big East team" rule.

Bet #3: Missouri 9.5 wins - UNDER ($50)

Pulled it out their ass in overtime of a bowl game. Argggh...still, so far we're up $80 bucks...

Bet #4: Alabama 7.5 wins - OVER ($100)

BAM!

Bet #5: Duke 3.0 wins - OVER ($80)

4 wins! I was honestly expecting more. Anyways, we were overall spot on for our "Fearless Predictions," and if you followed our futures bets, you would have cleared $260. But then we just haaaad to write this doozy at the end of the futures post...

One more note: Stay the FUCK away from the Florida bets (6-1 NC and 10.0 wins). Reverend Tebow staying healthy in that offense again for an entire year has about as good a chance of happening as Soulja Boi releasing another mediocre-to-decent song, their schedule is brutal, their running game showed no signs of life in spring practice and their defensive backs are dropping left and right. Also, their eight returning starters on defense anchored a unit that was 96th in scoring defense last year. Could be a long fall in Gainesville. Let's hope so.

Umm...at least we were right about the Soulja Boi part. Moral of the story...don't listen to us. Gamble with your gut. Hell, in the long run, you're just going to lose money no matter what you do anyways. OBJ...get something up here ASAP. This cant be up top for long.