A Guide To Losing Money on College Football 2008

As EDSBS reminds us on a daily basis, only 42 days remain until the glorious sport of college football returns to our airwaves and booze soaked stadiums across this great nation (though specifically the south). This is in no way a to be considered a prequel of our upcoming 2008 season preview, but with the Future Odds released by Vegas this week, what could possibly be better than mindlessly throwing around (fake) money on games that haven't been played yet? Nothing? Agreed. Onto the game...

$500 in (fake) cold hard cash. You must place a minimum of five bets. No bet can be larger than $200. Bet in increments of $10. Pretty simple. Go.

Bet #1: Georgia 9.0 Wins - OVER ($200)

Yes, your humble authors are Georgia homers until the day we die. However, as someone who threw down $300 on Troy State to cover vs. his beloved Dawgs last year, I am not afraid to bet against the Dawgs when there is money to be made (i.e. stay away from the 8-1 national title odds. The schedule is toooooo tough for that big a leap of faith). However, an over/under of 9.0 wins??!?! Georgia plays 12 games during the regular season. Even with said insane schedule, anything less than a 10-2 season would be an enormous disappointment. Throw in a possible SEC title game and bowl game, and Georgia grabbing 10 wins seems like the best value on the board.

***Side note: This post won't deal in analysis...that will come in our epic college football preview. It will also come in approximately 68 future posts and on every college football blog out there. Simple bet making is all we'll be doing here today folks. You'll have to trust us.***

Bet #2: Ohio State 8-1 to win the national championship. ($70)

While nothing outside of a woman's curves would give me a bigger hard-on than Ohio State losing a 3rd straight BCS to an SEC team, 8-1 odds to win the National Title for a team this loaded with returning starters on both side of the ball isn't much of a stretch. They travel to USC after two cupcakes, for a early September battle with championship game implications (seriously, is there anything better than college football?). USC returns 12 starters, Ohio State 17. USC is a legitimate powerhouse, but their homefield advantage isn't SEC/Big 12-caliber-esque. An upset is not out of the question there, and in fact, I will be betting heavily on Ohio State during that game. Somewhere between Mark Sanchez's 3rd and 4th interceptions of the game, I think the USC PA announcer will be able to retire "Lean Like a Cholo" from the playlist rotation permanently. The rest of Ohio State's schedule is a cakewalk with a couple of potential hiccups in Madison and home vs. Michigan (yeah, right). USC and the SEC-team-du-jour in the title game will provide their most formidable opponent.

Bet #3: Missouri 9.5 wins - UNDER ($50)

One thing you will learn about me, assuming this blog isn't dead in three weeks, is that I hold no credence to one-year wonders. I see losses against Illinois, at Nebraska, and at Texas, at least.

Bet #4: Alabama 7.5 wins - OVER ($100)

I was tempted to put Alabama at 50-1 NC odds here. Count me as one of Nick Saban's cult-like devotees. Dude seems like an asshole, he coaches a pretentious program that hasn't been relevant in 10 years, one of his starting linebackers just got booted for attempting to become the (real) Rick Ross of Tuscaloosa, and John Parker Wilson III still is his quarterback, but jeazus....that guy can coach. And he can recruit. Expect a whooping of Clemson at the Georgia Dome in the opener...if there's one thing that guaranteed in college football, it's Tommy Bowden failing when expectations are high. If there's anything else that guaranteed in college football, its Tommy Bowden beating his dad when his job is on the line. If there's one more thing that's...sorry. Anyways. Alabama. They'll be good this year. Saban will have these guys with the Georgia's and Florida's of the SEC once Parker is gone and he gets a stud QB in there.

Bet #5: Duke 3.0 wins - OVER ($80)

There are very few safe bets in life...but anytime a longtime SEC offensive coordinator and head coach (one who is 7-0 vs. UGA in his last seven appearances against them as an OC) is named head coach at an ACC school and gets to face THIS schedule...it's a safe bet he's getting more than 3 wins. And yes, I've never seen their roster.

One more note: Stay the FUCK away from the Florida bets (6-1 NC and 10.0 wins). Reverend Tebow staying healthy in that offense again for an entire year has about as good a chance of happening as Soulja Boi releasing another mediocre-to-decent song, their schedule is brutal, their running game showed no signs of life in spring practice and their defensive backs are dropping left and right. Also, their eight returning starters on defense anchored a unit that was 96th in scoring defense last year. Could be a long fall in Gainesville. Let's hope so.