I actually spent the last five minutes, which is an eternity when you're researching online, trying to find an article, a story, a caption under a picture, anything that spoke to the shoot-me-in-the-face boredom we face between the last game of the NBA season and the first game of the College Football season. Nada. Zilch. Gilbert Arenas. I mean, it's not like I was attempting to find proof - some type of report that would lend credibility to my suffering - we all know I don't need that. I just wanted to gain some perspective. You know, see how bad others are grimacing out there. For now, I'll have to assume I'm only one bored enough to actually write about it.
SO. There's actually a time, I believe, where a poignant feeling washes over the sports enthusiast when he (YES he. WNBA is in session) realizes the worst is yet to come: that ridiculously boring 3-4 months without football or basketball. For me, it was two-fold. I was out catching a few rounds with some friends, and Game 3 of the Finals were on. Mind you, I had completely forgotten it was on that night, so I was actually fairly excited when it came on. I've thought of this more and more as the pivotal "Holy Shit" moment. You see, this is the feeling normally reserved when you go out with your friends on a Thursday night and Va Tech is playing Clemson, or some other shitty game between two other shit teams in some shit conference. "Hey, I think that was in our pool this week. And it's football. Maybe I'll watch some of it."
Then it occurred to me: "Wait a second, when this started I told myself I didn't give a fuck who won this series. I was just rooting against Kobe Bryant." I slowly began to realize that once this series was over I had nothing to keep me occupied until CFB game #1. And I was saddened. Sure I won some money off of Jibber, who's yet to pay up, but who really gives a shit? Bostonians? Fuck them.
The second part was the Fourth of July. Is there a better holiday other than maybe Christmas/New Year's (can't separate the two)? I mean the whole day is about grilling a fuckload more food than anyone in the neighborhood could possibly eat, drinking yourself silly while toasting to American soldiers and blowing shit up. It's perfect. Except, it's not. This is America. We need sports. You're telling me the best I can get on Our Nation's Holiday is Sawx/Yankees? Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest?? I actually found myself silently agreeing when these announcers were saying, "This is the fastest growing, and perhaps most popular sport in the world." Shit, Major League Eating even has its own video game now, so it must be some serious shit. A fucking video game for professional eating. No wonder the world hates us. Look, just give me some damn football on the Fourth, okay? Is that too much to ask? Can't we have an exhibition game or some shit?
Today, I should be reviewing the crappy ACC match-up from last night, seeing who Boise State's playing tonight, and arguing by how much the Dawgs are going to win. Seriously, Stafford I've given you a lot of shit and loudly spoke out against all of the fans who chanted your name when you first stepped between the hedges (I want my players to earn that type of respect), but you're my boy now. Don't fuck this up.
But instead of wasting my day reading several different takes on the same game, I'm reading about how fucked up Michael Jackson is looking these days, some crazy Austrian sick motherfucker who held his daughter in a dungeon for 24 years and fathered 7 children with her (Fox News, if you are making this up then bravo to you. Bravo) and some story about real-life "mean girls" cheerleaders terrorizing a Texas town. Look, if the story's going to be about teen cheerleaders posting lewd pictures of themselves on the internet, can't I at least get a panty shot?
This topic is so boring this blog is boring. Fuck it. I'm going to youtube some Knowshon highlights.