Real Life Matters: Week Two

Boy, oh boy. Ain't it the truth?

Two weeks ago I flew into Atlanta to watch my Georgia Bulldogs hopefully squeak out a win against the Idaho Spudpackers. I did not carry with me positive feelings as I boarded the plane. I was not confident we would send Boise back to the hairy, sweaty lower back of America wondering why they thought they could play on the same field as us.

I thought we would lose.

Fast forward to last week, and I allowed myself to get sucked in. I started to think, "Hey, wait a second. There's no way in the world we're that bad" and "Hey I forgot! We're playing at home!"

I called my brother and told him we were going to win, because this time I was confident. This time, I wasn't going to jinx my team with my confounded pessimism. My brother was gracious enough to text me no less than 8 times over and over Saturday night: "Fuck you and your guarantees."

I learned that it was a cellular glitch that allowed the nonstop barrage of text hatred, but the message was received nonetheless (pun unintended). That pretty much sums up the feelings of the Georgia faithful right now.

Why did you make us think we were going to be a force in the SEC? Why did you give us so many 10-win seasons in a row? Why did you make us believe we had a coach that would be around for 20 years? Fire talk is rampant. People are worried about the Dawgs being booed by their own fans. A promising season is nearly impossible at this point. There's despair, then there's



Okay, had to get that out of the system. To be certain, that was one of the greatest college football games I have ever seen. It truly felt like I was watching two SEC powerhouses going toe-to-toe in a heavyweight title match. It also felt like Georgia was going to win the game. Why?

Georgia 1st Downs - 23
Cocks 1st Downs - 15

Georgia 3rd Down Efficiency - 42%
Cocks 3rd Down Efficiency - 29%

Georgia Total Yards - 436 Yards
Cocks Total Yards - 395 Yards

A fake punt for a touchdown, another sack/fumble for a touchdown, and Georgia's done. South Carolina could very well go on to win the SEC East for the second time - bully to you South Carolina. Georgia looked incredible except for those costly errors (flukes, to this viewer, aside from CAN'T YOU SEE THE FAKE PUNT COMING YET JESUS), and if they had won, we would be talking about Georgia as a top 25 team that may make a push for the SEC East Crown.

As it stands we need South Carolina to lose two SEC games - not impossible with road games at Arkansas and a spunky Mississippi State looming for their West sked - but Georgia needs to finish undefeated to have a chance at greatness this season. I don't believe I've ever seen a coach save his job with a loss, but I believe CMR did just that with our impressive yet ultimately deflating performance against South Carolina.

On to the week's bets. To recap, the rules are:

LOSER - Swift kick in the ass. No bullshit. Velocity of kick dependent upon kicker (kick-ee likely to ask for more)

WINNER - Bottle of his choosing.

BONUS - Winning Percentage more than 10% differential? Georgia home game football ticket

Last week's picks leave us all tied up. Things will get interesting once J-Rock realizes what Over/Under really means.

SEASON
OBJ
3-1
J-Rock
3-1


OBJ
Penn State (-7) Over Temple
Minnesota (-4) Over Miami (OH)
Texas (-3.5) Over UCLA
South Carolina (-16.5) Over Navy

J-Rock
Ole Miss (-1.5) Over Vanderbilt
Boston College (-7) Over Duke
Arizona State (+1.5) Over Illinois
Michigan State and Notre Dame OVER 51

GEORGIA IS A GIRL
Each week we're going to bring to you what the University of Georgia football team is, metaphorically speaking. In terms of a woman you are sexually/intellectually/spiritually interested in:

Week of 9/17
Fittingly, it's not easy to write this. Georgia is the girl you fell in love with so hard, it's not that you can't look at another girl's ass. You simply don't. She breaks your heart, in the most Maury Povich way, and then starts sleeping with losers behind your back. Worst of fall, no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot even masturbate without thinking about her. She's the worst kind of chick - you're in love with her even though you see her faults slapping you in the face.