TANTRIC BLOGASM STARTS NOW

The recent death of Michael Jackson made us here at Sue's realize just how precious life really is, and how we should spend every waking moment living it up. Actually, it really didn't, and hence here I am at night, blogging my ass off for you, our one remaining reader after our month-long blogbattical.

Rather than one long, meandering post for you to skim over, we'll tackle the recent going ons for the Braves, Hawks, Dawgs in separate posts, so as to bore you in succinct processions. This being June, we haven't missed much other than a preordained-yet-competitive NBA finals and a boring as hell NBA Draft. And more Favre retirement bullshit.

Alas, let's kick off TANTRIC BLOGASM with a clip that makes you cringe nearly as much as that second right before a tantric...bah, you get the picture. Enjoy Jamie Foxx killing this poor comedian's career at the Shaq Roast of Emmitt Smith from a few years back.

BLOGASM 1.23.09

Definitely peep the work OBJ has been putting in on the NBA while I've been on a blogbattical. It's usually after the all-star break that I go headfirst into everything NBA; but trying to forget the college football season, combined with the Hawks' best start since I was a pre-pubescent tyke, has me geeked on the Lig like a bartender re-counting the cash drawer at 5am after working a 10 hour shift. Onto some thoughts from the last week or so...

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It seems everyone has an opinion on Jeff Francoeur lately, following the news that he is asking for $4million in arbitration, compared to the Braves' offer of $2.8mil. All this while coming off a season where he hit .239 and reached base at a clip below the OBP Mendoza Line (.300). Honestly, like Mark Bradley, I don't have a problem with Franc (won't use the Frenchy moniker, can't, sorry) asking for the scrilla. It's a bidness, and he's just following the arbitration rules. Plus, in all honesty, he'll probably lose. With the Braves' throwing around cash this offseason like a virgin sailor in a Peruvian whorehouse, $3million on a RF with Francoeur's potential could be a steal.

What I don't want to hear (Steak Shapiro) is that Francoeur is somehow owed this money due to his marketing prowess for the Braves over the last few years. Screw that. You know what else is good for marketing and PR? Winning ballgames...something Francoeur has contributed to in short supply for the last two seasons.

Also, maybe it was the initial hype, the pressure, the early accolades, but this guy seems to whine alot. First, he handled his demotion to the minors last year with all the grace of a 2-year-old getting put in a "timeout" that lasts twenty seconds. All offseason, he's deflected criticism of his problems last year without ever hinting at what adjustments in his approach at the plate he plans to make. This morning on 790 the Zone he commented on being glad to know that newly-acquired Derek Lowe is (paraphrasing) "someone you can count on to actually be out there every 5th day, unlike we've had in years past." A slight dig at Smoltz/Glavine? Maybe, but ultimately unimportant. But then, he has the audacity to go where no athlete has gone before and attack bloggers:

“I can’t tell you how many people come up and say ‘We’re praying for you this year,’” Francoeur said. “That means more to me than some guy on a blog ripping me to pieces.”

The nerve. Anyways, I hope Francoeur can turn it around, as it would be nice to not have to see the local media treating the golden boy with kid gloves any longer by recycling the same stories endlessly; but mainly, because as it stands right now, he is the only right-handed bat with any power in the Braves lineup. Barring the signing and inexplicable resurgence of Andruw Jones, it appears that someone with an OPS of .653 last year will be counted on as one of the Braves' primary run producers. This scares me.

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Speaking of recycled stories...let's hope Caleb King, Richard Samuel or someone emerges in spring/fall practice as the clear-cut primary #1 tailback for the Dawgs. Otherwise the AJC and Athens Banner-Herald can dust off all those "who will emerge at tailback for the Dawgs" stories from 2004-2006.

You remember those?

"(Brown/Lumpkin/Ware) led the Bulldogs with 88 yards rushing and a touchdown on Saturday and has emerged as the team's #1 RB, working with the first-team offense all week in practice. (Quote from Richt about Brown/Lumpkin/Ware emerging as #1 RB).

(TB/Lump/Ware) took the majority of the snaps with the second-team offense. (Encouraging quote from Richt on said #2 RB).

(TB/Lump/Ware) (explanation of either poor performance or injury as a reason for being dropped to #3). (Quote from Richt on what needs improvement, either on the injury or performance part)."

And fin. Then switch around all the names and re-hash for next week's editions.

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Went to ajc.com to see what other local sports news is out there...and naturally Pacman is back on the front page. Would be the headline of the day if not for the "Another N.Y. Giants receiver shot" entry.

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Back to the Braves...of all the names being thrown around (realistically) for a final bat to plug into the lineup, here's my list, unsolicited as always, of who I'd like to see in there next year, based on everything from age, salary, production, etc. etc.

5. Xavier Nady - Contact year, good. Boras client, not good. In his prime and improving every year, good. Likely Yankee asking price being too high...not good.

4. Adam Dunn - If this Washington Post article (link via Talking Chop) is correct about the current salary market out there for Dunn and other free agents, then I'd love to see him in the middle of the Braves lineup... even if that would make the heart of the order somewhat vulnerable to lefty-lefty matchups. That said, even in this CURRENT ECONOMIC CLIMATE (suggestion for SWPL: add "talking about the damn economy"), I can't see someone who has hit 40+ homers in each of the last six seasons receiving a weaker deal than Edgar Rentaria.

3. Nick Swisher - Can play multiple positions and is under contract for three more seasons. Possible replacement at 1B if Kotchman doesn't workout. Again though, Yankee asking price is probably too high given his favorable contract.

2. Andruw Jones - At $400k (or whatever the ML minimum is), I think it's worth the risk. I also wouldn't even be opposed, like many Braves fans are, to signing him to a incentive-laden major league deal. You're telling me Andruw doesn't have more upside than Josh Anderson, Diaz, Brandon Jones, etc.? Please. I love cheap risks with tons of potential.

1. Brian Roberts - As much as I'd love to see Andruw back with the Braves, being able to snag the true leadoff hitter the club has been missing since Furcal left (the first time!) would be too valuable to pass up. Let Kelly Johnson go back to the outfield, roll with the KJ/Diaz platoon you know Cox loves to bust out there (no puns, please), and give Schaeffer/Anderson time to grow in center. Allow Yunel to hit out of the #2 hole, which fits his anti-walks approach at the plate, and move KJ to the #7 spot, providing some power to the bottom of the lineup. Yeah, it sucks the Braves might have to part with some prospects, but B-Rob is an OBP machine, which would likely allow Chipper, McCann et. al. to come up there with more runners on base. Plus, with the Lowe/Kawakami signings, the Braves clearly intend to compete for the playoffs this year and aren't in rebuilding mode...so go ahead and grab a bat, Frankie Boy. Any of the above will work.

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Quick Hits:

As long as athletic departments act financially as separate entities from their universities, I cannot begrudge them for turning a profit while the academic side of things take a bit of a hit. Yes it sucks overall, but thus is the world we live in. Deal with it, I guess.

I've kind of calmed down over the whole "Willie Martinez - fire him?" situation, but I don't think the "WHO WOULD WE HIRE?!?!?!?!" line-of-reasoning is a sound reason to keep a guy around. Much like when Richt hired Searles, I have faith he will land a top candidate. That said, I do worry that passing over Rodney Garner again will mean we lose him next season, but the program cannot make crucial decisions with "W.W.R.G.D." in mind constantly. Keep in mind, however, there is no news whatsoever on the Martinez-to-Miami front, so this could all be much-ado-about-nuttin'.

Everything I've seen and heard points to Dennis Felton being a great guy, but it's clear he's on borrowed time in Athens. (h/t GSB) And it's probably the right decision.

Finally, we generally try to avoid (while still letting you know where our thoughts lie regarding) politics on this site, but if this excellent post by Doug is any indicator or predictor, I do and have believed for sometime that George W. Bush will be looked at favorably and more sympathetically post-presidency. I'd elaborate but this ain't the time or the place.

It is, however, appropriate to point out that whatever you thoughts are on Obama, the awesomeness that is the new Jeezy video for the old Jeezy anthem to the new Prez. Never thought I'd see a neon blue lambo in the same video as my U.S. congressional rep bumpin' up and down. Never again will you see someone holding up a GHANDI sign three feet away from a SOULJA SLIM sign, either.

BLOGASM 12.23: You NFsmelL What the Rock Is Cooking?

Gotta say, I definitely like the "Matty Ice" moniker better than my predicted "Mattycakes"

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(enter GMAIL) On Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 10:51 AM, Obama Ben Jammin wrote:

So for the league MVP (why does baseball do one for each League, and the NFL doesn't?), I think I'm going to have to go with Michael Turner. Call me a homer, but I just think you have to validate this incredible and unlikely turnaround for the Falcons with an official league approval of individual achievement. If it ain't Matt Ryan, it should be Michael Turner. If Bill Parcells were behind this turnaround, it would be leading SportCenter every night.

Of course, Turner "Field" ain't gonna win it. It'll go to Peyton, if I had to bet a finger on it. The right ring finger, if I had to choose. Although I'd have to relearn to type.

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On Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 3:24 PM, Joe Friday wrote:

So, after rubbing Matt Ryan's jock for the last three months, following that riduculous-from-day-one meme that "Ryan is the Falcons/NFL MVP" you want to hop onboard the Turner Train? Figures. And rightfully so. Turner is the Falcons MVP, one of the league's top candidates and has followed a career path that is currently making Darren Sproles giddy. Unfortunately, I'm going boring/consensus(ual?) on this one and taking Peyton Manning. Dude spent the first portion of the year clearly injured, demons and old age have possessed his #1 target at WR, and Dominic friggin' Rhodes is their best option out of the backfield. And still, Indy is looking at another 12-4 season like it ain't no thang. I'm a subscriber to the Shaq (99-05 version) or Tim Duncan should always win the MVP theory, and Peyton Manning is as close to that as it gets in the NFL.

Also up there? Give me Turner, Purple Jesus and let's throw Drew Brees some love. He ain't paid to tackle.

What about Coach of the Year? Before you break yourself to give it over to Mike Smith, lemme just make my case for Tony Sparano. Smith, while performing an excellent, excellent job with the Falcons, has made some dumb miscues late in games, and he wasn't exactly the guy who signed Turner, drafted Ryan or turned Roddy White's career around (thanks Petrino). That Falcons season has been a total effort from the front office down.

Sparano, meanwhile, is coaching a team that was 1-15 last year. His QB is Chad Pennington, and said Pennington was signed after training camp had started. Their running backs rank 24th and 41st overall in rushing yards. Trust me, you don't even know who his receivers are. They've won with defense, special teams and solid QB play. Props for getting the most out of a limited roster. But what really wins Sparano (NO LAME SOPRANOS JOKES PLEASE) the award is unleashing the badass Wildcat formation to the NFL. For that, you Da Main, Tony.

Who ya got as coach? Also, try and figure out some award we can give Calvin Johnson. He'd get some vote on my MVP ballot, just for the sick numbers he's posting with the Orvoloskys of the world throwing to him. It's unimaginable where Detroit would be without him. I mean, no shit they'd be 0-15, but how many TD's you think they would have scored this season? I'm thinking four.

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On Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 4:01 PM, OBJ wrote:

Absolutely disagree it goes to Sparano. McKay and Blank are still around, and they're the ones that brought in Dimitroff - although bringing in Ryan and Turner (not to mention letting go of misfits like Hall [but why Crumpler??]) are looking like the two best moves of the past two seasons.

But the primary reason I disagree is because the Dolphins were clearly faced with a new front office leadership approach. Not only that, but Tuna has a track record of turning around teams. As soon as he gets to a new organization, their winning percentage during his first year increases by .387 %. That's insane. I'm sorry, but my vote goes to Smith.

As far as Calvin Johnson, I suppose he should receive the "One GI Joe Against All of Your Cobras Award" for being the only man standing on his team. What? You didn't play with GI Joes and have one good guy against all the rest? Fine. Come up with a better way to acknowledge C-John's diamond in the middle of a steaming pile of shit. Fantastically, I will not only continue to draft C-John, but I will expect him to be a Top 5 or Top 10 receiver for years to come. Dude's a stud.

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On Tue, Dec 23, 2008 at 3:24 PM, Joe Friday wrote:

Can't argue with a blind homer. Or maybe I've just had enough with all the NFL talk and don't want to. When's the next bowl game? Actually, doesn't matter...Hawks-Thunder tonight (wooooooo playing down to the level of your competition + Kevin Durant!), and then, tomorrow's nationally televised evisceration of everything Knute Rockne and the Gipper stood for. As Notre Dame. Travels to Hawaii. To play in a bowl game. On Christmas Eve. As 1.5pt favorites. Against Hawaii.

I'll leave y'all with this gem that just came hot off the wire from OBJ:

OBJ: YANKS GRAB TEXIERA LOLOLOL

That's the anti-Red Sox, not pro-Braves fan talking.

BLOGASM 12.20.08

I usually loathe to write "X-team should do this, this and this and all their problems will be solved!" posts. For one, it's shoddy analysis by a guy who doesn't know jack shit about how professional sports transactions truly work. For two, such "analysis" can become outdated in a matter of minutes or seconds. Such was the case with Wednesday's post about the Braves, as soon as Rafael Furcal's agent decided to break an unwritten rule in a sport where unwritten rules run the show.

As for John Schurholtz and Frank Wren's subsequent outrage and promise to cut off all negotiations with Arn Tellem's Wasserman Group of agents, I understand their frustration. It's easy to point the finger at Wren, who has had a rough go of it in his first full offseason as Braves' GM, and certainly has some egg on his face as the Braves head into the 2009 calendar year with Javier Vazquez as their #1 starter and no new bats in the lineup.

However, by all accounts (both agents and GM's), this was indeed some shady dealings completely on the side of Kinzer and Furcal. It seems that once the Dodgers matched the Braves offer financially and agreed to allow Furcal to stay at shortstop, rather than moving to second like the Braves had suggested, they completely changed course. Tellem initially put all the onus on Kinzer, according to the AJC on Wednesday, but since then has publicly stated that everything was handled legally and he hopes the Braves' embargo on dealing with his clients will not hold.

The Braves don't have much of a choice at this point. Scott Boras, who Schurholtz/Wren have been extremely hesitant to deal with in the past, and The Wasserman Group are two of the biggest agencies out there for top-notch MLB talent. While I admire their principles, it's not completely realistic or intelligent to simply shut out acquiring certain players because their agent is a douchebag.

I'm sure the anti-Tellem-client thing will stick for this offseason, and that's fine. But, damn, where do the Braves go from here? Paul Maholm, Zack Greinke, Rick Ankiel, etc.? Those are the names being thrown around? The inability to land Furcal likely made acquiring Jake Peavy harder, so that even looks like less of an option at this point. The likelihood of the Braves grabbing roster-changing talent appears dubious at best at this point; and that doesn't bode well for a team that won 72 games last year.

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I went to the Hawks game against the Celtics on Wednesday, which in blog years was six months ago, so I can co-sign on everything that has been mentioned at numerous better Hawks blogs. The crowd was indeed awesome, the officiating in the third quarter was inexplicable, since when did Paul fucking Pierce start getting the Kobe-MJ treatment, it just felt like Joe was going to miss that free throw, etc. etc. etc.

One thing I have noticed while watching and reading the fine blogs above is how the same issues about this year's Hawks keep popping up over and over, with seemingly no end in sight. Flip Murray takes too many shots, Acie Law/Solomon Jones need more PT, everyone loves Josh Smith but please for the love of God stop settling for so many damned jumpers, give Horford more touches down low, we need to stop the Joe Johnson vs. the world crunch time mentality, and so forth. I'm not exactly breaking Watergate wide open when I declare that damn near all of these issues, with the exception of maybe Smith's, can be fixed with coaching adjustments, of which I haven't seen any this season. Not a good sign.

Of all the issues above, the one that bothers me the most is the refusal to give Acie Law any run whatsoever. I understand that winning this season is the highest priority. However, Mike Bibby is a free agent after this season and unlikely to be re-signed, and it's not as if there are any better options at backup PG on the roster. I don't see any reason why Flip Murray should ever be bringing the ball up and running the offense. I believe Law can equal Flip's offensive output (or at least be more efficient on the offensive end) and would be a better distributor. Play him. Just, as CoCo points out, not at the same time as Flip.

Still, the Hawks are proving they can play with the best in the L and are now 17-10 following impressive wins against the Warriors and Pistons (held off writing this paragraph until the 'Stons game ended for jinxing purposes). That's currently good for 4th in the East...very few teams in the NBA have a more complete starting five than the Hawks, and those guys are carrying the team right now.

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"(Joe Cox) got a bunch of skill and with guys around him he can get them the ball. He's a really accurate passer. I think he could run this offense just fine."

“(Whatever team has the first pick) won’t affect me,” Stafford said Tuesday. “You can’t control where you’re going to get picked or what team is going to take you, so you’ve just got to do the best you can do and see what happens.”

Just go pro, man. Nobody would blame you, we're talkin' bout like $40 mil here. But quit acting like you don't have a clue what you're doing.

(Worthless/Useless) Question for Georgia fans. You have a choice to have Stafford OR Moreno back next year. Just one. Who ya got?

I'm going with Knowshon. As Stafford so eloquently points out, Joe Cox will have plenty of talent around him and has been in the program for four years. We've seen him win a game for us. And I'm not sure I'm prepared for the idea of Caleb King, Richard Samuel and a bunch of green freshmen getting all the carries, though I should probably warm up to the idea fairly quickly.

BLOGASM 11-5-08: Fun With News!

Bad. Ass.

Occasionally, there are so many ridiculous stories (at Fox News) in a single day that it simply must be looked at as a collective. When these stars align, we at Sue's like to spare you the trouble of finding these outrageous reports (from Fox News) and just sum them up in one neat little package for you. Today, for the sake of your time, we'll ignore the story of the parents of teenage cheerleaders suing a school for suspending their daughters over circulated nude photos, the amazing new firearm developed for the handicapped and elderly and the uproar over the new Islamic Terrorist Lego. Sure to piss off Sue's reader, we won't even delve into the Craigslist babysitter who used a 2-year old in his porn film. Also ignored will be the latest on Barry Bonds (link withheld due to lack of interest) and the unfortunate UGA student who got sodomized by a bum. Oh, and by the way, Merrill Lynch says oil will dip to below $25 per barrel next year. But what's really important follows. Enjoy!

Oh, where to begin with all of today's news-worthy stories. The terrifyingly brittle economy? The impending sharp reversal in political leadership? How's about the war in Iraq? I'm always praying and rooting for the safety of our troops (Editor's Note: To Tommy, the Munitions Specialist I met in passing on my way to Phoenix in the Atlanta airport - it blows I couldn't buy you a drink. Stupid fucking Uncle Sam not wanting you to have a buzz for your flight back to the suck. Whenever you want it, your next one's on me). Price of oil? Big Three auto companies doing their damnedest to act like common paupers?

No? Well then, bring on the appetizing story of an elderly woman half-eaten by maggots! Hooray! I don't know how I would get through another day of my life without the words,

"The first officer to arrive smelled a strong odor of feces and saw what he thought was a decomposing body lying in a puddle of body fluids on the living room floor next to a bed. The woman was motionless and appeared to be dead, police reports show."

in a successive sequence with one another. The best part? She was still alive! Now, I lived in the Galveston area for a time, and I have a Great Aunt that resides there. So this hits a little close to home, knowing that I'm no longer there to check up on her. But her two children (not the 38-year old that's lived with her his whole life and called the police...then subsequently disappeared - he's straight!) that were completely oblivious to this poor woman's condition should be jailed. I hope they have a conscience, and it causes them to cut off each other's arms (left or right, really) in a sign of sympathy pain.

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Speaking of right arms (right hand man? no?), what happened to celebrating Jesus? The J-man must be some kind of perturbed to see his birthday turned into such a bland and uneasy period of time where people no longer celebrate, too afraid of offending someone's sensibilities. Can you tell me why someone celebrating their faith is offensive in any way? Just because we recognize other religions doesn't mean we have to bow to the whims of its followers.

Personally, I would find it much more in-the-spirit and respectful to say "Merry Christmas" to someone, learn that they are Jewish, and say "Oh, my bad! Happy Hanucka!" than the generic, trite and insincere Happy Holidays. Happy Holidays?? Really? I'm going to start wishing people Happy Holidays during Easter to illustrate my point. Chocolate-faced kiddies crowding on my porch fiending for some more sugar-crack?
Kiddies: "Trick or Treat!!"
OBJ: "Oh aren't you kids just a WONDER! Look at those costumes, so SCARY! Here's some candy for you, now be safe and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!"

In the War on Christmas, I stand by Bill. O. Reilly as a soldier in defense. Note: In an effort to remain completely objective and provide fair and balanced information, I have provided a rebuke to O'Reilly's solid stance. However, this must come with a disclaimer that the author of that article is a fucking dipshit.

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Next on the list, how much does your mommy love you? Now, I read this story twice and I still can't decide if this is a heartwarming reminder of the unbreakable bond between a mother and her child, or an astonishing narrative of the current condition of white trash in America. So this married woman cases a juror's house, crafted a "chance" meeting, "...and for nearly eight months, they drank at bars, smoked marijuana and shared meals in her tiny Brooklyn hideaway."

Now, the most astonishing aspect of this story is that: "There also was flirting. But both said it never went any further." Well how much further can it go?? What, are you implying some type of sexual misconduct? Fucking please. The LAST thing I think of when I hang out with "a lonely single woman from California" - twice my age - when I'm getting drunk and stoned off my ass in her apartment is ANY sort of sexual actions whatsoever! Who are they trying to fool, here? Hopefully this crazy (but ultimately at least 50% successful, gotta give her that) bitch's husband.

Ah, maternal love.

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Alright. Plenty of heavy stories today so let's lighten (literally) things up for a moment. Question: if her name isn't in the story, can Sue's be sued for insinuating that this woman is at least 356 lbs? I mean seriously, how fucking fat do you have to be to crush a toilet seat and get stuck inside the toilet for 20 minutes? Fat enough to sit on a quarter and squeeze a booger out of George Washington's nose? Most assuredly.

Lady, let me give you some advice, free-of-fucking-charge. If you want to stop having so many hip surgeries, stop putting so much extraordinary stress on your hips and lose some fucking weight.

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And right back to apocalyptic talk! Does anyone with half a brain (read: non-Tech grads) really think the end of the world isn't coming in our lifetime (assuming your lifetime proceeds for the next 2-40 years)? And you can bet your sweet ass it'll take place in the Middle East.

"We think that regional and international developments and the complicated situation faced by Israel itself will not allow it to launch military strikes against other countries," Iranian Foreign Ministry spokesman Hassan Qashqavi said, according to the Press TV Web site.

Mr. Qashqavi, you better fucking hope so.

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Some clear-cut good news? How unbelievable is THAT?? Certainly gives me hope that one day I'll find the cell phone I lost in that freezing pond one fateful Auburn-Georgia gameday while I was drunkenly fishing - directly after an all night-binger in downtown Athens - and sadly capsized my buddy's dingy. One day, cellie. We will be reunited.

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Moving on, we're lucky enough to have Fox News' resident "Sexpert" (Sue's has one of our own) tell us all about sex. Most intriguingly is this little piece of knowledge:

"15. Paid Sex = Unhappiness

A 2004 study titled “Money, Sex & Happiness” found that those who have paid for sex are much less happy than others."

You hear that, Joe Friday?? There's the proof I've been telling you for years! Now fucking STOP before it's too late!

BLOGASM 11.20 - In which we sit bored at work...

...while consuming a healthy diet of Christmas popcorn and Grizzly Mint.

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(enter GMAIL) On Thu, Nov 20, 2008 at 12:55 PM, Joe Friday wrote:

You know it's a slow news day when this headline makes the front page of espn.com:

Aaron Heilman is demanding a starting spot, or a trade.

Seriously? Dude, do you not think the Mets have been trying to trade you for the last couple of seasons? You're a terrible middle reliever, which by default, makes you about as bad a pitcher as exists in major league baseball. Best case scenerio, you and Kyle Davies combine to hold up the front end of the Royals AAA affiliate's rotation. My two favorite parts of the article:

Heilman's agent, Mark Rodgers, told the New York Daily News, "The object is to get out of the bullpen. The most success he's ever had as a pitcher has been as a starting pitcher. He was drafted by the Mets as a starting pitcher."

...followed by this money line...

Heilman, drafted out of Notre Dame in 2001, made 25 starts from 2003 to 2005, going 5-13 with a 5.93 ERA. In 2006, however, he was moved to the bullpen, where he has served as a set-up man. Last season, he finished 3-8 with a 5.21 ERA, with five blown saves, and gave up 44 earned runs, the most in his three seasons as a reliever.

Great success story there, buddy. Way to know your client's strong points.

Omar Minaya would be lucky to get a handjob from a pregnant Atlantic City whore for this guy. At least that article was good for a midday laugh.

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On Thu, Nov 20, 2008 at 2:43 PM, Osama Ben Jammin' wrote:

I sincerely do not know where else to take this. I read the article and was all set to hunker down on my keyboard and mash out the exact same thing. Unfortunate.


I guess the only thing I can say is that, did you know he was only 30? Is he one of the oldest looking 30-year olds you've ever seen? Greg Oden thinks this guy looks distinguished.

Speaking of a slow day in sports, how's about Matt Ryan the Savior of Everything to be Saved being on the front page of the WWL?

I feel...conflicted. I love Michael Vick. But, apparently, so does Ryan. Used to play as the Falcons every time he played Madden? Man whenever I watched people play Madden I always demanded someone be the Falcons. This tells me unequivocally that Matt Ryan is a HUGE Mike Vick supporter. Hell, his dad even said he raised his son making sure that he had no sense of entitlement. These days, that's a tough thing to do.

On the other hand, I long for the days of Vick scrambling around for 5 seconds until he bursts down the field, jukes out 3-5 guys in the secondary, gains 35 yards and steps out of bounds to save the clock. Dude was ridiculous fast, too. It's kind of like when your parents get divorced I think. Like, no matter how badass and more sober your stepfather is, many times he'll never replace your real father and will only serve to make you have more contempt for your other parental figure (in this case, stretching the analogy to a ridiculous degree, the organization).

At this point I feel this completely unfair to Mr. Ryan. I still think we'll see him have a huge dropoff sophomore season, but at this point you need to ask yourself, "what else could I possibly want from my new franchise quarterback?"

Wondering where such high-quality journalism originated, luckily the following paragraph assured me that it was most certainly an O-Ridge report from the AJC:

One place you won't find Ryan is the Web-networking phenomenon Facebook -- at least, not anymore.

"Our junior year, when he was starting to be known as a good player, he was on Facebook," Poles said. "But 90 percent of his friends' list was male. There were hardly any girls. We used to rip him apart for that -- here's one of the top QBs in college, and almost all his friends were guys. That's why he's no longer on there."

Hmm. Straight-edge kind of guy. Doesn't electrocute puppies. Not bigheaded. Loyal to girlfriend? Who the hell does this guy think he is?

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On Thu, Nov 20, 2008 at 3:55 PM, Joe Friday wrote:

Give me a break. Everybody wanted to be the Falcons for those couple of years on Madden. Marcus Vick's ex-girlfriend's brother prolly fought with his boys for the right to play Video Vick in those days. Anyways, co-sign me on Ryan's Sophomore Slump. In fact, I'll go a step further and say it starts right now. Before the season, I had the Falcons penned for 4 wins...now? I'll go with 7.

Believe me, I was wrong about Sir Ryan. His accuracy (Vick's biggest weakness) is impeccable for a rookie. He is calm in two minute drives and manages the game well. His arm strength and mobility is better than what I remember from his senior season at BC. That being said though, the whole "OUR FRANCHISE QB HAS ARRIVED" talk is fairly premature. Case in point, Vick's stats from his first year as a starter (2002) vs. Ryan's.

	Record	Comp %	Passing Yds/game	Rushing Yds/game	TD's	INT
Vick	8-6-1	54.90%	195.7	51.8	24 (8 rush)	8
Ryan	6-4	59.70%	215.9	7.2	11	6

Taking everything into account, I'd say it is a pretty close call. What Ryan is doing as a true rookie is impressive, no doubt, but if there is anything that an Atlanta NFL fan should know, it is the fleeting nature of early QB success stories. Let's not clear off a spot for him in the Falcons Ring of Fame just yet.

xxxx

Alright, how does the news that Chase Utley, who always seems to be on whatever team wins the friggin' championship every year in any fantasy league I am in, is out until June after hip surgery affect his draft status in fantasy. Does he still go in the first 2-3 rounds? Slip until the 8th round? Further? Playing russian roulette with an injured player in a fantasy draft (while nobody in the draft room dares to mention his name) is one of the most tense situations one can deal with while sitting in front of a computer screen feeling like a total geek. I'm looking forward to our draft already.

xxxxx

Last year, any win in any situation against the Wizards would have been a welcome addition to a stagnant W column. This year? The Hawks and Wizards played a crapfest in front of a half-empty Philips Arena, and I couldn't even get too excited about a win over a depleted Wizards bunch that was seemingly freezing out their only available offensive weapon. Ok, that's a lie. I was pumped as hell about this ugly win against a 1-9 team.

Still though...the one thing the Hawks needed to catch a break on this year was injuries. Three of the top seven in the rotation (and pretty much our entire low-post presence) are injured right now. Marvin is manning up as much as possible, and Zaza somehow pulled down 18 boards on a bum arm last night, but the Hawks need Smith and Horford can heal up as much and as fast as possible before anymore four-game losing streaks occur. With the streaky shooters on this team, we can not live and die by the jump shot, as we saw during last week's games against the Nets. Either way, I haven't enjoyed an NBA November this much in years.

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On Thu, Nov 20, 2008 at 5:43 PM, Osama Ben Jammin' wrote:

Falcons Ring of Fame? Who exactly would that include other than Jamal Anderson? I'm thinking really hard here...

Excellent head-to-head graphic (except for the lack of any graphic element, of course). Personally, I think what's missing here is quarterback rating and, more importantly, ranking. I'm thinking Matt Ryan is stacking up quite nicely against other NFL passers in the league right now. But after FJM's funeral the other day, I can't bring myself to look up any statistics. It's just...too early.

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Try picking up Utley in the 8th round, and see what happens.

The best case scenario is still a return to baseball activity in early April, worst case late-May or June. I'm willing to gamble on that and pick up Utley very, very early. Like the 5th round if he's still there. Oh, and the reason he's been on several fantasy championship teams is not because of him, it's because whichever fantasy manager has a tendency to pick up players like Utley - somehow low-key, super-productive in several categories. In other words, not the Sheffields and RanJos that we pick up.

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As far as our Baby Hawks, check this out: Atlanta is currently 7-4, one game behind Orlando in the Southeastern Division. Upcoming games are Charlotte, at Cleveland, Milwaukee, at Toronto and at Washington. These are the remainder of the games for the Hawks' 2008 November. Now, first of all it's amazing to look at all of these, and really any game and think they're winnable. The Hawks of the past few years could hang with the best, but you knew they'd inevitably lose. With that said, I see the Hawks finishing 3-2 in that stretch, at the least. Editor's note: just don't check out the December schedule, which includes the still-brutal at Dallas, at Houston and at San Antonio (with at Miami following to boot!)

The Magic, on the other hand, are at Indiana, Houston, Milwaukee, at Philadelphia, at Washington and Indiana. I'm thinking 3-3 here for Orlando.

Either way, we have something to watch for in November with the Hawks, which is in incredible and (sigh) a welcome addition to my normally-college-football-entrenched sports season peak. This is going to be interesting.

--OBJ

BLOGasm 11.11.08: In Which Introspective Happens

The 2009 Playoffs: Where the Atlanta Hawks happen to stop by...again?

Sitting here reflecting on the Hawks game Sue and friends attended Friday night, witnessing the improbable four-and-0 start at the Highlight Factory, a few thoughts cross my mind. First of all, the Hawks, now 5-0, are beating Shee-KAH-Go on the road. They may or may not pull it out, which is pretty much the way I've approached every Hawks game for the past 12 years of living in this city. Tomorrow they travel to Boston in a rematch of what thus far has contributed more than anything to this bunch of young'ns' collective personality. Hell, I just saw an NBA: Where Amazing Happens commercial on the Hawks' playoff run last year. That's incredible for a decade-long Hawks fan that has seen his team in meaningful nationally televised games as often as he's gotten a body wax. Maybe even less.

Unfortunately it's not up yet. I imagine with tomorrows game coming up, it was the first time it aired. Closest thing I got is this. Sorry, folks. QUESTION, though. Can you tell me why the text "Where The Hawks Are The Biggest Jokes In The NBA Happens" happens to accompany the link in the Google search? Messed up.

The point is, despite the endless string of Doomsday-outlook posts Sgt. Friday has brought to Sue's (just click on the Hawks tag, fella), there is a real reason to be optimistic here. It's scary. You almost don't want to believe, and that's the only thing left keeping you from believing. It's kinda like falling in love but even better than bacon grease. Eerie. Everyone remember, it was me who put the Hawks at number 5 in the East. That's not looking too bad right now. I'm thinking I'm going to once again make SJF bet against his own team. More on this later.

Second, let me be the first, on November the 11th, the year of our Lord 2008, to go ahead and give this soon-to-be-unheeded advice to the Spirit Group: resign Mike Bibby. Give him 3 years. You're not going to find a more consistent and productive point that'll play with the intensity (he's titleless) and intelligence that Bibby brings. He's worth it. Period.

Third and lastly, I feel like writing a damn eulogy to that Friday night. With two of Sue's crew serving jail time that evening, I can't help but wonder: if this was a Game 7 win in the Eastern Conference Finals, would I be saying it was worth it the next day? Thinking with delusional grandeur that, hey, if it meant the win, I'll take it? Luckily I won't be faced with this ridiculous situation any time soon. Hey, Marta cops! If you happen to see us again, let me remind you in case my screaming at you that you had definitely found your man, and that I was a dangerous motherfucker, and that I was really going to hurt someone that night and good thing you picked me up, confused you at all. I'm a struggling-to-be upper middle class white guy. So are my friends. Now listen carefully: We. Mean. You. No. Harm. Or anyone else for that matter. We're not going to destroy shit. We're not going to yell and scream. We may trip and fall. We'll be okay. Please, find the people that are about to rob me to buy crack.

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Kuh'mown GAHZ. Y'KNOW y'wownt a playoff sistem!

---->Bibby back-to-back 3s, Hawks tie it up 8 mins in the fourth.

So are sports really so unprovocative right now that the WWL has to post irrelevant stories on its homepage for several days? Talk about a slight sports reference. On the WWL for that matter. What a shocker. Look I'm not going to talk about politics or who I voted for. It doesn't matter. He didn't win.

In response to Obammer's Monday Night Football game appearance where he delivered his speech on the necessity of an 8-game playoff system (okay, sure) to decide a national champion due to reasons beyond my non-executive-abled mind, including being tired of sinister factors such as "this that and the other," University of Oregon president and BCS Presidential Oversight Committee chair David Frohnmayer stated:

"My colleagues and I on the BCS Presidential Oversight Committee have discussed the future of postseason football on many occasions and we do not believe a playoff would be in the best interest of the sport..."

Well, ZING! I love that it just so happens to be the Presidential Oversight Committee (committee of school presidents that decide the fate of all our lives). That's rich.

I would understand if this were the Blog Days of Summer. But 'taint. We've got the NFL going prime right now. Basketball is getting fired up. And goddammit, some of us still have college football teams to root for (just kidding, Dawgs! Just because I missed a game in jail doesn't mean I wasn't watching my watch and pretending! I didn't give up until it was 3:30 [3 hours after kick-off]! FINISH THE FUCKING DRILL, DAWGS!). So, I know I don't have to look, but I do WWL. You make me. You have the most news and usually most up-to-date. It's why you face so much criticism. So stop putting useless information on your homepage. Please.

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Huddy and Peavy 1-2 in '10? Yes, please.

A quick note to the Braves: Hey Braves, get this guy!

Being that the Braves are one of the few teams for which he's willing to waive his no-trade clause, I'd say he wants to be in the A. 'Course as beautiful as San Diego is, I'd want to play nearly anywhere else, including BALTimore (!), other than San D. Even the football team's lookin' like shit.

Look, I love you Yunel, but if it's you or Jake Peavy, my playoff-starved ass is, I'm sure regretably, going to go with Peavy. Every time. We need an SJF opine for a consensus opinion by Sue on this one. 'Cause I'm pretty sure Yunel 'gonna be Da Main for many years to come.

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Atlanta wins 113-108. Horford career game. Huh. The fuck's going on here, Hawks. 6-0 with a chance to beat your best start in 10 years by beating the Celts. Let's do this.

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Hawks won. And Sue's 'n be werkin on the morra.

BLOGASM 10.30 - In which I speak rhetorically to people I will never meet....

...while enjoying Bud Select out of a can? What the hell is wrong with me?

Couple things I wanted to quickly comment on:

My support of Mike Vick has been well documented in this space before (shit, click the Vick tag below...it's probably one of the more popular ones and dude hasn't been in the news the whole time this blog been up), but I don't think I'm out of line saying that this is complete bullshit, and a legitimate breach of power. The money quote:

"Vick's lawyers had requested that he be allowed to enter the plea from federal prison (...) But citing high public interest in the case, Surry County Circuit Judge Samuel Campbell said it would be better for Vick to appear in person. (...) Prosecutor Gerald Poindexter preferred that Vick's plea wait until his release from federal prison. He objected to the video conferencing motion on grounds that it has never been used in Virginia and he didn't want the county to set a precedent."

Well at least that Campbell fuckwad is honest. He's also a shamless media whore that desperately needs a beatdown by a few of Vick's former dogs themselves. "High public interest in this case"? Give me a break. It is not in the public's interest AT ALL for Vick to have to fly to Virginia and enter his plea. All that is doing is costing taxpayers money, when he could easily be doing it from prison in Kansas at minimal expense. But nooo, you had to get your 4 minutes of fame, drag this disgraced NFL star that has suffered enough through a few extra days of media coverage and courtroom proceedings just so you could see your name in the paper and on TV a few extra times. Go fuck yourself, "judge." You're the disgrace. I don't know if that is an elected office in Virginia, but if it is, and you're a reader who could vote for this guy...please DON'T. Vote for anyone else.

As for you, Poindexter, God forbid a precedent be set that saves bureaucratic time and money. Who the hell would want to be the prosecutor that brought that to the legal system in this country? Whatever, you should've just admitted you wanted the inevitable media circus around your case as well.

Vick has paid the price. Move on, people.

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On a lighter note, has any coach ever gone from "hot coaching prospect" to "batshit crazy" as fast as Mike Singletary has? In the span of one game he publicy embarrassed his starting TE on the sidelines, went off on an already-epic postgame tirade, and now it has come off that he mooned his team at halftime and spoke to them with his pants around his ankles. Hmm.

The 49ers lost that game by the way 34-13 to a pretty bad Seahawks team. Whatever...all that apologizing he did to the fans and everyone? Totally unecessary...eevryone expected you to lose that game, Mike! Hell, half your fans were hopefully betting money on y'all to lose! You're team isn't very good! This isn't necessary! You might have been a candidate for a permanant head coaching job somewhere in the NFL next year! Now, you'll be lucky to outlast Marvin Lewis by the end of the year...and are probably now destined to be some wacky-intense college coach at a 2nd tier Big-10 school or something.

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Finally, congrats to the Phillies on the World Series win. But enough about their fans, eh. They waited 25 years for a title, big whoop. Plenty of cities have had it worse than that, plus, in the 70s and early 80s, Philly won a fair share of pro titles. Save the "tortured fan" talk for when the Cubs or Indians or hell even Rangers/Padres win a title.

Anyways, again, congrats to the Phillies. With the top two of their rotation still extremely young and most all their lineup under the age of 30 and signed to long term deals, this team is going to be very, very competitive for a long time. And because they are the Mets, that will always have a high payroll and the ability to acquire top-notch players (even if they whiff on alot of them). Brave new world in the NL East, indeed.

BLOGASM 10.22: Unsolicited incoherent thoughts while enjoying a double of bourbon...

...and a poorly named Camel Crush.


I never really thought about this situation playing out, mostly because I expect Penn State to lose this weekend in Columbus and/or trip up down the road before the regular season, but Michael absolutely hits the nail on the head: If there is any justice in the world, the following situation will play out:

"the better scenario for college football's long-term interest would be the following: 11-1 Florida blows Alabama out in the SEC Championship Game and jumps 12-0 Penn State and 11-1 Southern Cal to play Texas in the national title game."

Replace Florida with Georgia in that scenario and you have my dream season. Not only do Jim Delaney, Thomas Hansen and the Rose Bowl come under significant pressure from the schools to switch to a plus-one/playoff system, but college football fans will be treated to a game between two teams that proved their mettle by blasting through a beast of a schedule.

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Coming soon to a crappy NFL team near you.

The word that Michael Vick will plead guilty to state dogfighting charges in Virgina is a win-win situation. Not only does Jimmy Taxpayer avoid more of his hard-earned tax dollars being poured into this bullshit case, but Joey Footballfan is likely to see Vick back in uniform in time for the 2009 NFL season, Roger Goodell's judgment notwithstanding. I trust that Goodell will view Vick's year-plus in federal prison, bankruptcy and two year suspension from the NFL enough of a punishment and will allow Vick to begin working out for teams this summer. Even after two years away from the game, dude is still a Top 20 QB in the NFL. I'd go through all the crappy QB's starting right now, but that's why Al Gore gave us Google.

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Someone care to explain this situation to me? So Mike Woodson calls out Josh Smith in front of the team, Smith storms off to the locker room pissed, Woodson plays coy and now both are saying eveything is cool and it was all just an act? But it wasn't such a staged act that Smith had to go to Woodson's office to make sure it was really all just an act? Jee-zus guys, leave the shitty acting to borderline homosexuals in high school drama clubs...the regular season tips off in 7 days! Something tells me the Cavs, Blazers or Hornets aren't having these same issues.

Lowballing Josh Smith all summer and having him forced to backpedal into a below-market deal is going to hurt the Hawks this year. I hope I'm wrong, but nothing this preseason has shown otherwise.

Keep talkin', Pops.

Hoopinion is tossing around the idea of keeping track of times Woodson's foibles clearly cost the Hawks a Dubya. Peep that.

My goal for the rest of the year following several WHY AM I STILL A FAN OF THIS TEAM notes of the Hawks is to mention something good...so...I just want to say that despite John Hollinger's criticisms, the bench looks much, much improved thus far. Also, I'd like to see the team use the "big" lineup they were forced into when Marvin Williams was injured last week with Zaza at the 5, Horford at the 4 and Smith at the 3. Creates mismatches across the board, espicially when you're facing a team without a true back-to-the-basket center.

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Ah, Brett Favre. If you had just gone down to Mississippi and started raising cattle or some shit you could have been Governor of Wisconsin in a few years and NFL commishiner shortly after that. You would have had complete autonomy to do whatever you want without fear of media criticism of any kind. However, you chose to go the petty ex-girlfriend route and burn every bridge imaginable. Look, I get that this supposed impropriety goes on all the time and that Favre is denying it. I get that. I really do. But time and time again since he announced his retirement, this guy has put himself in the position where he is looked at as the bitter asshole, caught between trying to move on with a new team and still stick it to his old team; all the while, holding a media that deifies him hostage.

It's not long before the (mainstream) media caves on him too. I mean, public opinion has turned on him...when my senile/stodgy dad and uncles that have been praising him the last 15 years start calling him an "attention whore" and "little girl," it's pretty clear he's lost his target fanbase. Not to mention what he's done to poor Green Bay fans. I bet it's a little harder for a Packer fan to wear a Favre jersey to Lambeau than it was about a month ago. It's really too bad, because he's having a very solid season for the Jets that has been overshadowed by all this drama.

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World Series...not much to say here. Obviously, our predictions were juuuuuuustabitoutside. Bah...anyways, I like the Rays in six, simply due to their rotation depth. Can't see Jamie Moyer and Joe Blanton as legit World Series starters. That said, if this series comes down to the bullpen, you got to like the Phillies Madson-Lidge combo over the Rays "whoever is hot at the moment" approach. Both lineups can and will mash. I see this series playing out very similarly to the Phillies' last series in '93, with Lidge starring as Wild Thang.

Just wanted to get those few thoughts out there. On the agenda for Sue's: our first NBA Preview, Shotcallin', and even one of those worthless (but amazingly entertaining!) lists we promised in our (painful, oh so painful) first post. Be easy fellas.