Einstein's Definition of Insanity

I haven't anticipated a Cocktail Party as much as I have Saturday's in years.

Analysis of this game is everywhere on the internet at this point, and has been for two weeks. Also on the internet, as there have been for years now, are impassioned defenses from the entrenched Dawgosphere (all of whom are excellent writers and must-reads during the first hour and a half of work each day) on why this game should be kept in Jacksonville. Other than a couple of comments here and there on those sites as to why the game should move from Jax, I have yet to see a definitive post on anywhere in favor of moving the game from Jax each season. Allow me to provide one.

(Note: I realize this is not priority #1 prior to the game. However, there is plenty of actual analysis out there. I just wanted to post this now, while it is topical, as it will remain my stance regardless of Saturday’s outcome.)

First, Who I Am:

· I am a 2005 graduate of the Grady College of Journalism and Mass Communications.

· My freshman year at Georgia co-incited with Mark Richt's first season at the helm, 2001.

· I have been watching Georgia football since the Goff years (not saying this is a long time...just painting a picture of where this argument is coming from).

· The thought of Erk Russell and/or Herschel Walker does NOT make me soil myself, tho I must admit, that ESPN Herschel doc was pretty damn cool and gave me the chills quite a few times.

· I realize that Mike Adams and our Athletic Directors are always going to do what is in the best financial interest of the University, and if that means holding the game in Atlanta, Jacksonville, the Everglades or even Gainesville every year, they will do so.

There seems to be a divide among Georgia fans on this issue. Those who attended the University pre-2000 are wholly in favor of keeping the game in Jacksonville, while those who attended during the Richt years would like to see some sort of a home-at-home (ATL-JAX or Athens-Gainesville) set up. The pre-2000s are passionate regarding this issue, usually for the reasons outlined below.

After each of their reasons is my retort. I have yet to see logical responses to these retorts, either on the internet, or from older UGA grads in person. Any and all comments are welcome.

Reason #1: “We played just fine in Jacksonville under Dooley!”

Retort: Yes, that is true. However, once upon a time Army and Navy were relevant college football programs. Notre Dame was a powerhouse. Joe Paterno actually coached Penn State. Times change. This line of thinking, as well as the constant nostalgia over plays, players and coaches from 30 years ago, is borderline pathetic…again, see Notre Dame. Florida was a completely different program back then. The demographics and high school programs in the state of Florida were different than they are today. Ditto for college football as a whole. Trotting out this logic would be like a Pittsburgh Pirates fan pointing out their dominance over the Atlanta Braves in the 70s and 80s and expecting that to hold true today.

Reason #2: “Richt’s record in road games is just fine…it’s not the venue…it’s Florida!”

Retort: Again, you are correct. Most years, Florida is the best (read: most talented) team that Georgia will play. Richt’s excellent road record has been compiled largely against teams where UGA has a talent advantage. Why a seemingly intelligent person would deem it logical to play a game one hour away from an opponent’s home stadium - a game that UF travels to by bus, and Georgia travels to by plane - and call it a neutral site game is beyond me. Why are we giving this advantage, however miniscule, away to a team that, most years, is more talented than Georgia? Why are we splitting the tickets 50/50 every season to, by and large, a more talented program? How does this make sense? Even if you stubbornly insist that the game is neutral, you are still taking away a home field advantage every other year in a game where UGA usually has inferior talent.

Reason #3: “It’s mental. Florida is just in our head! We just need to come out and GATA. SHOW THESE 19 YEAR OLDS SOME ERK RUSSELL CLIPS!”

Retort: I am sure it is somewhat mental. Georgia players probably do press more against Florida, they probably do feel like it’s a bigger game each year than the Florida players do. If one would agree that it is mental, and our players need to overcome this mental block, why not change something, anything (besides uniforms, of course) about this matchup to give the players a sense that they can own this series. A memorable end zone celebration can only hold up for so long. Every Florida fan I know (admittedly, again, in my age group) views this game as Georgia coming down to their region, getting whupped, and heading back to Athens with their tails between their legs. If Florida fans don’t even view this as a truly neutral site, why should we? You know there is not one Florida fan that would want to play this game in Atlanta every year.

Reason #4: We are throwing a bone to the south Georgia UGA fans.

Retort: I’m sorry, but this is irrelevant. The University of Georgia is located in Athens, Georgia, which happens to be located in the northeast region of the state. I cannot think of any other instance where a college sports team plays a game in a locale hundreds of miles away from their campus in order to appease a fan base in a different portion of the state. In addition, any talk of building a recruiting presence in south Georgia via this matchup being held in Jacksonville is negated by the fact that this series has been nothing but a Georgia curbstomping spanning the duration of every current and recent recruit’s time here on Earth.

Reason #5: We would look like giant pussies if we moved the game to a home-at-home.

Retort: Ironically, the most asinine reason for keeping the game in Jax also doubles as the one sliver of regret I’d have if the game moved. Look, nobody wants to look like a punk. However, let’s say you’re in a bar fight. The other guy, simply bigger and stronger than you, is beating your ass, punching you in the gut, throwing you to the floor, kicking you in the head. Every one punch you land is met with six of his. You’ve exhausted every ounce of effort and strength. Your friends are gone. Are you going to stay there, allowing him to beat you senselessly while you struggle to avoid injury and remain conscious, or are you going to attempt to get the hell out of there, admit defeat, and walk/crawl/run to safety? Would we get crap from UF fans if the series switched to alternating sites? Yeah, maybe, possibly, who cares? At the end of day, college football fans are always going to talk shit to each other, so just add this to the list. Do you know any Alabama fans that are still hung up on the Iron Bowl not being in Birmingham anymore? If so, my condolences.

This debate reached its nadir in 2008 when many a pre-2000 Georgia fan/blogger said “if we win this year, we will be 3-2 in our last 5 games…so much for that advantage!” That, combined with “UF did come to Athens in 1995…and look how that turned out!” might be the only two examples of bloggers actually resorting to small sample sizes to prove a point. We now have a whole generation’s worth of evidence to show that this series is lopsided in favor of Florida. Is Jacksonville THE reason Georgia is losing six out of seven games to Florida? No. Is Jacksonville one of the many advantages that Florida carries coming into this matchup every year? I believe so. If this is something that the University can change to the possible benefit of our football program, then I believe it stands to reason that this change is worth a shot. Or, we can just show the team some Erk Russell vids, tell them to GATA, and eventually stumble across back-to-back W’s in this increasingly frustrating rivalry.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a brutal 7-hour drive ahead of me.

Real Life Matters: Week Six

Let's see if this article's made out of straw, or truly is a Brick House. YEAOW!

A few weeks ago Sports Illustrated featured a 6-page spread on the Vanderbilt Commodores for its primary college football coverage. Eschewing my SEC Snobbery for just a moment, let’s dig a little deeper to discover just what it is about Vandy that required the spotlight of a national magazine.

The roar needs no explanation, but an onlooker provides one anyway: "Yeah. He's here." The he in question is Nick Saban, and his devotees have filled the lobby of the Wynfrey Hotel in Hoover, Ala., hoping to glimpse the Crimson Tide coach.

Yes, those amazing Commodores! Why, I can’t wait to begin my feature article about their pluckiness, high IQ and winning ways! Hmm? What’s that? Why did I choose to use the first 200 words of my story on the Vanderbilt Commodores talking about how Nick Saban “is like a fiftysomething Justin Bieber?” Pay you no mind, see!

Appearing before the media alongside Saban and the three Tide players, almost for bookkeeping purposes, are the representatives for the Vanderbilt Commodores. They have a new coach, 39-year-old James Franklin, but the same old story. They have finished with a losing record in 27 of the last 28 years. They have not had a winning conference mark since 1982. Of the 1,050 credentialed reporters, fewer than 10 are there to cover Vanderbilt.

I can almost see the wheels churning inside this reporter’s head while forming his storey. “Say, based on this here credential list, less than 9 % of the media members are here to cover the Commodores! That’s a real shame. Wait, I’M not here to cover Vanderbilt, EITHER. Maybe I can build up their coach and speak about their academic success. Nobody will be talking about it because it doesn’t matter!”

Since becoming coach last December, Franklin has filled every single media request that has hit his desk. He cohosted a Nashville morning radio show and has invited radio personalities to broadcast live from practice. (They accepted.)

Yes, compared to the most successful coaches in the SEC, like Nick Saban and Les Miles, who routinely close practice to both the media and NFL scouts, Franklin isn’t afraid to have the whole Commodore gameplan revealed Live and On Air!

He spoke to the leaders of Vanderbilt's student government and the Black Student Alliance. He has visited every fraternity and sorority on campus ... twice. He has spoken to Kiwanis clubs and Rotary clubs. Sometimes it's hard to tell if he is trying to win the SEC or a seat on the city council.

City Council! City Council! Is James Franklin using the Vanderbilt job as a showcase for his determination and media savvy? Perhaps that’s unfair to say. I did have to make sure that this wasn’t creative license and embellishment by the author, which it is not. Franklin really does rotate his weeks among (the four) fraternities and sororities in Nashville, trying to drum up interest in his program. Get this guy some coverage, dammit!

I also had to look up what a Kiwanis club is. At first, this embarrassed me. Until I discovered that I simply have to send you here, rather than even attempt to explain what they are myself.

"I'll do birthday parties," he says. "I'll bring balloons."

Alas, I could not find any information on the web to verify this, but I know this is 100% true. If you live in the Nashville are and are looking for a great gag gift for your buddy’s bachelor or birthday party, Franklin is available.

And he’ll answer on the first ring!

Also, if I were a supporter of the Vanderbilt program, the thought of my coach walking around time, begging for attention and showing up for birthday parties with Commodore Kazoos would almost certainly offense my sensibilities.

If the folks on Vanderbilt's campus think Franklin is passionate when he speaks to them, they should see him with his players. During one practice in August, Franklin, a former Division II quarterback for East Stroudsburg, stepped in against the Commodores' defense. Linebacker Archibald Barnes intercepted his coach's pass and tried to return it for a touchdown. Franklin sprinted toward Barnes and leveled a defensive back blocking for Barnes. The coach was not wearing pads.

I believe this may be my favorite part of the article. So, without pads, COACH FRANKLIN lines up under center, and throws an interception. Not to be outdone by this outstanding example of football skill, he then decides to level a poor defensive back that was presumably wondering what the hell he’s supposed to do with a crazy person in position of authority is foaming at the mouth and intending to nail him. Also presumably, he decided that avoiding giving his COACH FRANKLIN a concussion would probably be better than the endless shit he’d be taking for letting a 40-year old take him to school.

I seem to remember another brash, outspoken coach with a penchant for irregular and incomprehensible acts of intended inspiration. So, this is going to end well.

Single-ing out a winner, or just another loose cannon?

Last Saturday night in Nashville, before the Commodores played Connecticut, Franklin surprised his players with all-black uniforms, including black helmets.

This would be quite the act of leadership and inspired, innovative thinking – just the kind of thing a fresh young coach with loads of new ideas is brought in for? Unless of course the exact same thing was done just a few years ago by a coach within his own division.

The color was symbolic.

“Just give it a few quarters, men! Soon you’ll be seeing the same color from within your helmet, as from the outside!”

"We're going to play like a big-time program," Franklin says. "We're going to act like a big-time program. They're going to be treated like [they play for] a big-time program."

“Hey, Coach. We’re tired of being treated like a small-time program. Why does that even happen?”

The Commodores beat the reigning Big East champion 24--21 to improve to 2--0—matching their win total from each of the last two seasons.

“Oh, yeah! That’s why! Our 4-20 record the last two years has been destroying our cause! Guess I’m so mentally stuffed with quadratics I forget how terrible we are each year!”

By the way, I love that the writer is sure to mention “Big East champion,” as if everyone in the country isn’t collectively wondering, “wait, the Big East is still around?” Vanderbilt went on to win its next game, I’m sure delighting the author who wrote this story, then promptly lost its next three by a combined 88-31.

Franklin said it would have been more fun to blow out the Huskies, but winning at the end, largely with defense, might have been better. "I actually think we'll get a lot more out of winning that way than we would the other way," he said. "That was the kind of game that in the past, Vanderbilt didn't find a way to win."

“Now that I think about it,” said Franklin, “We also lost the games that were decided largely with offense and special teams. We lost the close ones, but we definitely seemed to always be on the wrong side of the blowouts. We lost day games and night games, September games and homecoming games. I’m sorry what was the question?”

Winning SEC football games at Vanderbilt may be the toughest task in any of the major American sports. It is like managing a major league baseball team with the Cubs' history, the Royals' resources and the Rays' fan base in a division with the Yankees and the Red Sox.

And your winning meaningless baseball metaphor of the story is…paragraph number 38! Translation – Vanderbilt sucks and the SEC is hard.

Or as former Vanderbilt safety and NFL Pro Bowler Corey Chavous puts it, "It's like trying to climb a mountain with a truck on your back."

That’s better. It’s like trying to climb a mountain of success, but you have 3 tons of suckiness on your back. Chavous must have been a valedictorian.

Vanderbilt is in the SEC, but it is not of the SEC. Vanderbilt is 17th in the most recent U.S. News & World Report college rankings. The next SEC school is Florida, at No. 53.

Academics!

Since 1987, 11 of the conference's 12 schools have been found guilty of a major NCAA violation in football. The 12th is Vanderbilt. The SEC may or may not be out of control, but it certainly seems way out of Vanderbilt's control.

Rule following!

There are literally a million reasons why Vanderbilt has not had any violations. Sure, you can let complete assholes like Jay Cutler into your school, but try admitting LaDaniel Thompson (not real), who just ran the 40 in 4.2 and has a 5” vertical at 6’5” 210 pounds.

Franklin knew this when he took the job last winter after serving as offensive coordinator at Maryland (2008--10) and Kansas State ('06 and '07). He understood that before he could install his offense, he had to instill hope.

Shit! These players seem to actually know they PLAY for Vanderbilt. It’s uncanny! MAYBE DIFFERENT COLORED UNIFORMS WILL CONFUSE THEM?

"The biggest battle," he says, "is getting [players and fans] to believe."

“The biggest battle,” truth-telling COACH FRANKLIN doppelganger says, “is trying to win games with players far less talented and athletic than our opponents.”

Beginning in 2002, Bobby Johnson went 29--66 in eight seasons, but his reign is still considered a success, for one reason: In '08, he led the Commodores to a 7--6 record, including a win in the Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl in Nashville. The trophy sits alone at the entrance to the Vanderbilt coaches' offices.

God, this is just sad. Can’t you imagine the trophy merely sitting in an empty chair outside in the hallway?

The thing about Vanderbilt is that it seems as if it should be able to compete.

The thing about this article is that it seems as if it should have a point.

The university is nationally respected. The campus is beautiful. The schools it most resembles have thrived—Stanford won the Orange Bowl last season; Northwestern has been to several January bowl games, including the Rose Bowl.

This can’t have anything to do with the Commodores’ conference, and the degree of difficulty in playing better opponents in every facet of the game, or Vanderbilt’s multiple and glaring recruiting disadvantages, or lack of private or University financing, or really anything of note that you could be talking about but are choosing not to? No? Okay, then.

With no chance to be the best team in its conference, Vanderbilt has sought to be the purest. In 2003 then school president Gordon Gee disbanded the athletic department and folded it into a division of student life. Johnson banned profanity on the football field.

I have no idea what “pure” means in this context, but my spidey sense is telling me it won’t help you win football games.

Having the brightest players in the league does not necessarily mean having the brightest team. As he watched film at a recent staff meeting, Franklin expressed disbelief at one player, who could not grasp a new scheme. "He got almost a perfect score on the ACT, and he's struggling," Franklin told his staff. An assistant cracked, "[But] he'll split the atom for you."

I love that the coaches are shown here ripping their own players. “Say, how come these fellas are so smart, but they can’t learn them some football? By the way, does anyone know what I’m supposed to do with that screen that sits in the middle of my desk and plays the soothing trance symbols all day?”

One problem is that the Vanderbilt community generally expects to lose.

The Vanderbilt community, we can say now with confidence, is not delusional.

Franklin is trying to change that thinking. Other coaches, and even some people at the school, can rattle off a list of reasons why Vanderbilt loses.

None of which you have mentioned in your story, sir.

And if you say that Vanderbilt can't possibly win in the SEC, he says that at Vanderbilt, players can get a world-class education while playing in the nation's toughest conference.

"What he also does not say, however, is that the Vanderbilt can possibly win the SEC."

Can Franklin pull this off? History and 11 other rabid fan bases say no way. Franklin can't match the credentials of other coaches in his conference, but he is trying to make up for it by being closer to his team.

Can Franklin pull this off? Every logical, statistical and thoughtful measure available says there's no prayer in the world powerful enough to help Vanderbilt win. Coach Franklin makes up for all of this, however, by being purer with his team.

When the Commodores saw the movie Horrible Bosses in August, Franklin realized, Uh- oh, that's me, I'm the boss now. He looked around. Nobody was in his row. He grabbed a few freshmen and made them sit next to him.

This absolutely, positively needs no snarky comment. It's good on it's own.

"The first thing he said to me was, 'We're not taking no for an answer,'" said quarterback Josh Grady, a three-star recruit who signed with Vanderbilt in February, two weeks after Franklin offered him a scholarship. "He was like, 'We're going to change the culture.' Whenever I would say, 'Maybe if I come,' he'd be like, 'No. You're gonna come.' I'd say, 'I understand we're gonna try to change the program.' He'd say, 'No. We're gonna change the program.' Little things like that made me buy into it."

Wouldn't it be awesome if everyone was as gullible as a 17-year old jock?

"So, Ben, if we give you this raise..."
"No, when you give me this raise."

"If I come home with you tonight,"
"AFTER YOU COME HOME WITH ME TONIGHT"

Franklin is dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's, and still, it will be a challenge to avoid all the L's.

Because his team is just so darn P-U!

Atlanta, the site of the SEC championship game, could not seem farther away. The history is almost suffocating. Fact: No Commodore has ever played in two bowl games.

Fact: as evidenced by your opening line about media coverage, nobody cares about this fact.

"Ultimately we're going to have to put a product on the field that people are proud of," he says, "and I understand that."

So, like, a Hyundai?

The number in the Win column is the one inescapable truth for the biggest underdog in college football, the only SEC team that the rest of the country can love. Franklin embraces that truth as enthusiastically as he embraces everything else. Vanderbilt has been waiting for the future for 50 years. It has to arrive at some point. Doesn't it?

I absolutely adore this logic. I've been playing the same numbers in the powerball for 38 years, dadgarmett! My payday has to come sometime, don't it?

Editor's Note: Georgia barely beat Vanderbilt this weekend. Plucky!

On to this week's wagers! A reminder of what's at stake:

LOSER - Swift kick in the ass. No bullshit. Velocity of kick dependent upon kicker (kick-ee likely to ask for more)

WINNER - Bottle of his choosing.

BONUS - Winning Percentage more than 10% differential? Georgia home game football ticket

SEASON
OBJ
9-9

J-Rock
9-9

This Week's Picks
OBJ
Georgia (-11) Over Vanderbilt
Last week requires a retraction: Georgia has actually beat the spread four weeks in a row (plus a push). Count on them to make it five.

Michigan (+2.5) Over Michigan State

Is it just me, or does it seem like halfway through the CFB season, Vegas collectively says, "Okay, that's enough. You had your fun, now we're going to start trying."

Boise State vs Colorado State UNDER 54.5

Indiana (+40) Over Wisconsin

Wisconsin has averaged nearly a 40-point differential this season. Indiana's played (and lost) some really close games. I like the Hoosiers not not get beat by 40!

Especially with important games at Ohio State and at Michigan State, this is a recipe for some 3rd-string in the 3rd-quarter brew for Wisconsin.

J-Rock
Georgia Tech (-7) Over Virginia
South Carolina (-2.5) Over Mississippi State
Toledo (-7) Over Bowling Green
Kansas State (+3.5) Over Texas Tech

GEORGIA IS A GIRL
Each week we're going to bring to you what the University of Georgia football team is, metaphorically speaking. In terms of a woman you are sexually/intellectually/spiritually interested in:

Week of 10/3
This week Georgia's the chick you met a party, but the more you try to remember the more she seems like simply part of your imagination. Did she really make out with you on the hood of your car? You didn't tell her you loved her, did you?

Then a friend reminds you the girl's in one of your classes. While it's Spring Break, you're guaranteed to see her.

So play it cool, mates. Don't call her, don't masturbate to her. And don't get too excited. You never know if you spent the night sucking face with a sea donkey or a true bangin' chick. You'll know real, real soon.

Real Life Matters: Week Five

The League Championship Series-es have begun. It has to leave a dropping like bullion-weighted dogshit in your mental backyard: who for to root??

Sit on this - the more you hate, the more you love. Do you think hard Celtics fans would be so die without their Lakers foils? The more years that stack up with Georgia losses, the more Florida fans feel their is no rivalry.

And the more Georgia fans feel there is one.

Would you even care about the Olympics if it weren't for the USA vs. EVERYONE?

If you're from Alaska, Hawaii, Singapore, Djibouti or Queens, you may root for the Yankees. Hell, until the (soon to be) Miami Marlins showed up in the great Purple and Teal 90's Expansion Team Unirevolution everyone within 1,500 miles of Atlanta rooted for the Braves. Everyone in Alabama, everyone in Arkansas, everyone in Florida. But how regionalized and - by definition in today's sports world - relatable are the teams in the these Championship Serieseses? Is there a reason to root for any of them if you're not from that geographic area?

Green Bay, Wisconsin is the smallest market in all of American professional sports. If you'd like to stretch the "metro" area to 283,000, COOL. The second in the diminutive-ist list is Buffalo, New York! Population: 1.1 million.

For a different brand of bird, you sure do look cocky.

Here's an easy one! The Pujols drama is artificial because everyone knows a) nobody is paying 10-year contracts and b) the Yankess aren't in the game. St. Looey - BULLY to you. No offense to your fanbase, but your manager's a dick. Everyone loves Albert Pujols and his loveable inability to speak english, but after winning Eleven world championships since your 1882 introduction (8.5 World Series Winning Percentage [WSW%]) you cannot pretend to be an underdog any longer. Hell, you just won a World Series in 2006.

Be glad! Rejoice! This is your coming out party, Redbirds. Congratulations, you're now the Phillies. Nobody outside of your state ('s immediate rooting interest) are pulling for you.

Early in the 1920's, the infantile National Football League consisted of markets like the Decatur Staleys, Akron Pros, Canton Bulldogs, Muncie Flyers, Rochester Jeffersons and Rock Island Independents. Money, and the evolution of the game/markets/regionalism led to all of those small market teams folding. Except for the Packers, which was bought by its community.

Though a scared little kitty, easily the best DeTigers logo ever. Weird.

Have you even seen a single episode of Hung? Because it's the most bragging rights a Detroit native (DETROTIAN!) has had since capitalizing on Ford's assembly line "invention" by throwing thousands of underpaid fingers into the meat grinders. No, Bully to YOU, Detroit! You've really been with us since 1901? And you've won FIVE World Serieseseses (4.5WSW% [last 1984])?

The Lions are looking good. Your hockey (?) team is solid. Everyone in American knows your state looks like this:

Like the South, it's not all trash!

Congratulations, Tigers fans! The majority of America is rooting for you because your city is on its death bed! Yes, you are being given the Saints Vs. Katrina 2005 Sympathy Sports Award powerup. Run with it. Embrace it. Because unless your town can start producing flying cars, you will no longer be considered a major American city. This is your chance to be, beloved.

Know that the majority of America is rooting for you. Then un-know it. And just play baseball. Most people would like to see this.

Heeey! Milwaukee! Isn't that in Green Bay?

Sorry, Milwaukee (0 WSW% [last never]). Though the analysts (read: TV personalities) will talk endlessly about how your first baseman and the Cardinals' first baseman are both going into unrestricted free agency, and DEAR LORD how that's going to affect your mosque-esque shrine to small-market it-can-happen-without-money image, well.


Well, shit, Milwaukee. We just don't even know where you are. Just know that when Prince leaves, then comes the city, restaurants, bars barbershops and florists, and you're left with Rickie Weeks.


The Green Bay Packers were borne of a street-corner conversation, featuring Curly Lambeau and his Indian Packing Company employer. Curly convinced his J.O.B. to buy uniforms and provide a practice field. Put it together, this is where the namesake was fittingly originated. Lambeau starred for the team for 11 years, became its first coach (for 30 years) and eventually got bored. So he created the forward pass.

The reason you've heard so many Chuck Norris jokes,
is because every time Chuck Norris Kicks someons's ass a new joke is born.

So we are just chock FULL of teams that literally anyone in the country can root for - for any reason they choose. Texas, around since 1961 without grabbing the brass Ring in the MLB merry-go-round, has somehow also compiled a sad championship record (0 WSW% [last never]). Though not the most hated team, they have to be the favorites. And yet the Rangers will still be considered and rooted for like underdogs.

Like everyone else in this World Series race.

Despite winning the first two Super Bowls and preposterously having street names like Packers, Lombardi, Ray Nitschke, Brett Favre, Mike Holmgren, Don Hutson, Reggie White, Bart Starr and Ton Canadeo, Packers fans somehow do not exude a pompous pheromone and therefore almost make opponents refuse to hate them.

Somewhere in the world, there is a baseball fan (no - there is) that has absolutely no rooting allegiance to any of these teams vying for a World Title. And to have the option to pick your own lame horse for whatever reason is, frankly, why he watches.

The Greenbay Packers were voted the third most popular team in the United States based on a 2010 Harrison poll. They are the only publicly owned professional sports franchise in America.

Every fan of their city is still pulling for their team. But the Packers this year are a juggernaut of immeasurable proportions. Once your team is out of it, you may not be rooting for them. But are you rooting against them?

On to this week's wagers! A reminder of what's at stake:

LOSER - Swift kick in the ass. No bullshit. Velocity of kick dependent upon kicker (kick-ee likely to ask for more)

WINNER - Bottle of his choosing.

BONUS - Winning Percentage more than 10% differential? Georgia home game football ticket

A real problem this week, as I was either too lazy or too busy to post my picks in time. We'll go ahead and mark me off for three losses for Week Five, and I'll proceed through my week ashamed of myself.

SEASON
OBJ
9-9

Georgia beat the spread two weeks in a row! NICE. Too bad the momentum gained from going 3-1 last week completely stalled out from throwing this week's picks in the trash.

J-Rock
9-9

This Week's Picks
OBJ
Idiot!

J-Rock
Georgia (-2) over Tennesssee
A WIN! That's 3 weeks in a row of covering the spread against SEC teams.

Texas (+11) Over Oklahoma
A LOSS! UT didn't even come close, as Oklahoma is now firmly in the driver's seat for the TGCSECO (TeamtoGetCrushedbyanSECOpponent) Championship.

Florida State (-10) Over Wake Forrest
ANOTHER LOSS! An outstanding week for OBJ to sacrifice his picks. I'm still in this!

GEORGIA IS A GIRL
Each week we're going to bring to you what the University of Georgia football team is, metaphorically speaking. In terms of a woman you are sexually/intellectually/spiritually interested in:

Week of 10/3
This week Georgia is the Older Woman who may just more know about life than you do. Sure, you're young and have all the energy, but this chick seems to know stuff. Y'know, like which materials you're actually able to throw in your recycling bin, or how much life insurance costs. Shit like that.

The Older Woman is intriguing, because while most females seem to come fully loaded with wholesale-sized carts of insecurity, the older woman walks around with self confidence in spades. It's as if they stopped trying to zap/lather/cream/exfoliate/pencil/place-into-suspended-animation, etc. the wrinkles, and decided, "You know what? Fuck it. I think I'm pretty. That's really all that matters." It's incredibly arousing and wonderful in its simplicity.

Plus, you never know when they'll drop a knowledge bomb on you. You may date an older chick for a month, but that one time she said, "Ya know, babe, you really shouldn't take the trash out barefoot. On top of all broken glass out there, acting as a petri dish for countless diseases, scorpians and millipedes - TERRIBLY POISONOUS! - are also out in full force this time of year. By the way, when was your last tetanus shot?" will be ingrained in your mind forever. Older chicks rule.

In Which While Writing This, I Almost Referred to a Conference As "We" Nine Times

With both college football/NFL in full swing and the baseball playoffs providing drama on a nightly basis, there shouldn't be any excuse for a red-blooded American sports fan to be following this conference realignment nonsense. I would counter, however, with the following:

• While college football is fucking awesome in every respect, we really don't yet know who the best teams are outside of Louisiana or Alabama, or even if there are any/many good ones. At this point, it appears as tho all non-LSU/Bama top teams have feasted on a menu of cupcakes, ACC teams whose elitism is questionable, and Mississippi State, whose non-elite status has been confirmed. There is a reason why the Mumme Poll doesn't start until next week, everything is conjecture at this point. Check back then when we know more.

• The NFL, while also enjoyable this season, does not lack for coverage. There are approximately 287873262672691028 articles on the internet right now on everything from in-depth coverage wondering if the Jets will deploy Darelle Revis in a nickel package on Wes Welker this Sunday or if they'll waste him on Deion fucking Branch on the outside, to page-hit pandering lists on which teams should sign TO. If you understandably don't want to read this, you can prolly turn on an ESPN channel right now and hear a couple people arguing over WHO IS MORE FOR REAL, THE BILLS OR THE LIONS?

• Baseball is baseball and thus best consumed in 3 minute highlights. Oh the Tigers beat the Yanks to go to the ALCS? Cool. CC Sabathia came in as a reliever? Huh. Interesting.

Combine all that with the fact that I'm a huge fucking dork when it comes to this shit, and allow me to provide my two cents on college realignment to this point. Because reading paragraphs on this situation will make you either fall asleep at your keyboard or switch over to porn, I'll keep it brief and in bullet-point form:

What we know at this point:

• Texas A&M, pissed that Texas has their own TV network, left the Big 12 for the SEC. Their students/alums allegedly chanted "SEC" at summer graduation, a full month before this move was confirmed. Safe to say they'll be a solid fit culturally in their new conference.

• The Big 12 avoided destruction for the second straight year because the Pac 12 didn't want the baggage that came with Texas' huge TV contract. Texas and Oklahoma (and thereby Oklahoma State and Texas Tech, who are attached to their in-state counterparts) crawled back to the Big 12, hat-in-hand.

• The ACC decided that they needed more 7-win football teams and nabbed Pittsburgh and Syracuse from the Big East. Knocks aside, this was a good move for the ACC. They were proactive and raided the Big East to protect themselves from being poached. In the process, they essentially killed the Big East as a football conference, of which we will be eternally grateful.

• The Big 10 decided that they are content with large, academically strong state schools and god-awful boring as shit football, and are staying pat at 12 members.

So where does this leave us? The Pac 12, Big 10 are solid at twelve members. The ACC has 14 members, and will likely pick off the carcass of the Big East when it officially folds, pick up UCONN and someone else, and become a basketball mega-conference. The Big 12 has 3-4 open spots (more on that in a minute), and is likely to fill them with smaller but good college football programs (TCU, West Virginia, Louisville, Houston). For some reason, aka MONEY, Boise State has not been mentioned as a Big 12 possibility

This is a long winded way of bringing us to the SEC, the greatest conference in the land that should have every intention of staying that way. Right now, at 13 members, the SEC is in a state of flux and coaches have been open about their displeasure regarding an unbalanced schedule ("why does Alabama get to play 2 games in Texas and gain exposure there while we play none?") Clearly, a 14th member needs to be added, and for weeks all fingers have pointed to the UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI of all places as the 14th member.

How the hell, did Missouri, as mediocre a football program as they come, with absolutely no regional or cultural ties to the conference get to the point where the SEC wanted them to be invited? Well here is what SEC Commish Mike Slive sees in Mizzou:

• Expanded footprint into the Kansas City and St. Louis football markets.

• A strong academic instution, only eclipsed in the conference currently by Vandy and Florida.

Here are my responses to these 'benefits' that Mizzou brings:

• Awesome. You're adding the 25th and 34th biggest TV markets, neither of which have been college football crazy locales. This outweighs the benefits of bringing in a mediocre program to a conference whose biggest/only selling point is its elite level of football? Add Virginia Tech (DC Market) or FSU (larger footprint in Florida).

• You're the SEC. WHY ARE YOU CARING ABOUT ACADEMICS?!?!? This is inexplicable. You think adding Missouri, a state school ranked 60thish in the nation is going to make people think highly of the SEC academically? MISSISSIPPI STATE IS STILL A MEMBER OF THIS CONFERENCE, YO. UNIVERSITY OF KENTUCKY. ARKANSAS, PEOPLE. Academics should never be a priority for the SEC as long as everyone's eligible. Hell, I'm in favor of throwing Miss. State a bone and inviting West Virginia over Missouri. At least they're a cultural fit and allow Miss State to no longer be ranked last in the conference academically for the first time, ever.

Luckily, news has broke in the last 24 hours that:

• Missouri mentions they still want to be in the Big 10 but, for the second straight year, they were rebuffed. The SEC is taking other conferences scraps now?

• Per AL.com, some SEC presidents are bucking and don't want to invite Missouri, citing their lack of prestige and the conservation of traditional rivalries. So there is still hope that Missouri will, for the second straight year, have to go back to the Big 12 with their tail between their legs.

For this to happen, the presidents of UGA, UF and South Carolina will have to break an alleged pact between those three schools will block any new members from their state (read: Clemson, FSU, and GaTech). Clemson and GT aren't likely candidates, but FSU is given their stronghold in Florida markets, program prestige and the cultural fit they provide. UF and UGA enjoy being the only SEC game in town in the fertile South Georgia/Northern Florida recruiting area, and don't want to share this area.

• Similarly: While Texas A&M is not that much better a program than Mizzou, that will improve. A&M can now go into a recruit's house and say "Want to play in the best/most televised/pro ready conference in the country? Want to stay in Texas? Then you've got one option, son." While more SEC schools (specifically LSU, Arky, Bama) will benefit from this move as well, expect A&M to start nabbing recruits that were Longhorn locks two years ago.

Bottom line: The SEC is the premier football conference in America. This is a source of pride among southerns (see SEC Chant), as there are not too many areas in which the south is head and shoulders above the rest of the country. The SEC should stay that way. Add FSU, West Virginia, VaTech, or make a godfather offer for Oklahoma or Texas (if you have to take Okla State/Tex Tech and go to 16 so be it. Personally, I think Okla/Texas enjoy being the top dogs in a conference of ACC-level schools and are too scared to come to the SEC, but whatever). Just don't add Missouri. The shoe doesn't fit.

Enjoy the actual, real football action this weekend.


(Ed. Addendum: I am not naive enough to ignore the reality that money drives all, and that Mizzou will continue to be pursued as long as it makes financial sense to the SEC. I am also not one of those fans that views the Tennessee-Bama rivalry as sacrosanct and must be conserved at all costs. I simply feel that by adding Virginia Tech, you expand into a bigger, more profitable market and add more eyeballs to your product. Ditto, although to a lesser extent for Florida state. While I'd love to see West Virginia as well, I realize they do not help this league in the TV households category.)

Real Life Matters - Week Four

Take care of Mississippi State and we're winners! Percentage-wise!

Even though Georgia is likely out of the running for the SEC East crown, unless the Dawgs can somehow run the table and South Carolina loses twice to the likes of Florida, Auburn, Kentucky, Mississippi State, Tennessee or Arkansas in some combination, there is still much to play for. Win, and the Dawgs have a winning record for the first time since September 4th. 2010. Lose and our season's all but done for and we can all hope for a similar berth in the Autozone Liberty Bowl against a University of Central Florida type.

Last year Mississippi State owned UGA, beating them 24-12 in the midst of a four-game losing streak. This year, however, MSU is not looking nearly the feisty little upstart they appeared to be last year, losing decisively to Auburn and LSU and needing an extra period of play to squeak out a victory over Louisiana Tech.

Win, and the Dawgs will roll to Tennessee and Vanderbilt (both winnable games) before possibly being 5-2 before their matchup against Florida at the World's Greatest Outdoor Cocktail Party. This game could prove to be ultimately meaningless, but why chance it? The Dawgs are playing between the hedges, where they still have an excellent record against SEC teams under CMR.

In other news around the SEC, Alabama matches up against Florida in the Swamp, where everyone predicts a blowout. I too fully expect the Tide to Roll, but when you have two schools with the highest caliber athletes from the top recruiting classes of the past several years, anything can happen. A win by Florida could go a long way in making up the ground respect the East has lost from nonstop beatings by the West. As a Georgia fan, I'm pulling for the Gators.

On to the week's bets. To recap, the rules are:

LOSER - Swift kick in the ass. No bullshit. Velocity of kick dependent upon kicker (kick-ee likely to ask for more)

WINNER - Bottle of his choosing.

BONUS - Winning Percentage more than 10% differential? Georgia home game football ticket

As always, it gets interesting as the season wheres on. Is it time to double down? Maybe a swift kick in the nuts (wearing 5 pairs of socks?) instead of an ass kick.

SEASON
OBJ
6-5
Georgia beat the spread @ Ole Miss! But, Georgia didn't beat the OVER @ Ole Miss!
J-Rock
5-6
Editor's Note: The closest Bawlin' Cawlin' after three weeks to date. Here's where OBJ pulls away.

OBJ
Georgia (-7) Over Mississippi State
For absolutely no reason, I'm taking Georgia to cover the spread 'tween the hedges. Time for some payback.

Oregon State (+18) Over Arizona State
Coming off a big home win against Southern Cal, I just don't see the hometown Devils avoiding the UGA Play to Your Opponents' Level syndrome two games in a row. Of course, Oregon State is just awful, losing to the California-State-Sacramento Hornets in their opener, followed promptly by a shutout loss to Wisconsin. This is likely a mistake.

Stanford (-21) Over UCLA
UCLA, whose only win came over the aforementioned Beavers!

Baylor (-3.5) Over Kansas State
Plucky Bears. They've got moxie.

J-Rock
Georgia Tech (-9.5) Over NC State
Alabama (-3.5) Over Florida
Texas (-9.5) Over Iowa State
Toledo and Temple OVER 50


GEORGIA IS A GIRL
Each week we're going to bring to you what the University of Georgia football team is, metaphorically speaking. In terms of a woman you are sexually/intellectually/spiritually interested in:

Week of 10/1
This week Georgia is the girl you've been seeing for a little while, and while you have something building in the pit of your stomach, you're not quite sure if you want Mom to meet her just yet. Who knows? She may show up to lunch at your father's work wearing a skimpy tank top barely covering her breasts! IT HAPPENS!!

In this situation there's always a Happy Medium test. Not sure if she's Mom and Dad material? Introduce her to your crazy uncle or (hopefully) non-judgemental siblings.

I'm proud to wear my Georgia gear anywhere I go in Arizona because, well, frankly, what the hell college football fan is going to say anything to me, here? In the state of Georgia, same applies. But would I wear my gear around Tuscaloosa this weekend? Sure, and I would expect to get more shit on than a toothless Mississippi State undergrad at the 87th Annual Fall Ball Scat party!

Real Life Matters: Week Two

Boy, oh boy. Ain't it the truth?

Two weeks ago I flew into Atlanta to watch my Georgia Bulldogs hopefully squeak out a win against the Idaho Spudpackers. I did not carry with me positive feelings as I boarded the plane. I was not confident we would send Boise back to the hairy, sweaty lower back of America wondering why they thought they could play on the same field as us.

I thought we would lose.

Fast forward to last week, and I allowed myself to get sucked in. I started to think, "Hey, wait a second. There's no way in the world we're that bad" and "Hey I forgot! We're playing at home!"

I called my brother and told him we were going to win, because this time I was confident. This time, I wasn't going to jinx my team with my confounded pessimism. My brother was gracious enough to text me no less than 8 times over and over Saturday night: "Fuck you and your guarantees."

I learned that it was a cellular glitch that allowed the nonstop barrage of text hatred, but the message was received nonetheless (pun unintended). That pretty much sums up the feelings of the Georgia faithful right now.

Why did you make us think we were going to be a force in the SEC? Why did you give us so many 10-win seasons in a row? Why did you make us believe we had a coach that would be around for 20 years? Fire talk is rampant. People are worried about the Dawgs being booed by their own fans. A promising season is nearly impossible at this point. There's despair, then there's



Okay, had to get that out of the system. To be certain, that was one of the greatest college football games I have ever seen. It truly felt like I was watching two SEC powerhouses going toe-to-toe in a heavyweight title match. It also felt like Georgia was going to win the game. Why?

Georgia 1st Downs - 23
Cocks 1st Downs - 15

Georgia 3rd Down Efficiency - 42%
Cocks 3rd Down Efficiency - 29%

Georgia Total Yards - 436 Yards
Cocks Total Yards - 395 Yards

A fake punt for a touchdown, another sack/fumble for a touchdown, and Georgia's done. South Carolina could very well go on to win the SEC East for the second time - bully to you South Carolina. Georgia looked incredible except for those costly errors (flukes, to this viewer, aside from CAN'T YOU SEE THE FAKE PUNT COMING YET JESUS), and if they had won, we would be talking about Georgia as a top 25 team that may make a push for the SEC East Crown.

As it stands we need South Carolina to lose two SEC games - not impossible with road games at Arkansas and a spunky Mississippi State looming for their West sked - but Georgia needs to finish undefeated to have a chance at greatness this season. I don't believe I've ever seen a coach save his job with a loss, but I believe CMR did just that with our impressive yet ultimately deflating performance against South Carolina.

On to the week's bets. To recap, the rules are:

LOSER - Swift kick in the ass. No bullshit. Velocity of kick dependent upon kicker (kick-ee likely to ask for more)

WINNER - Bottle of his choosing.

BONUS - Winning Percentage more than 10% differential? Georgia home game football ticket

Last week's picks leave us all tied up. Things will get interesting once J-Rock realizes what Over/Under really means.

SEASON
OBJ
3-1
J-Rock
3-1


OBJ
Penn State (-7) Over Temple
Minnesota (-4) Over Miami (OH)
Texas (-3.5) Over UCLA
South Carolina (-16.5) Over Navy

J-Rock
Ole Miss (-1.5) Over Vanderbilt
Boston College (-7) Over Duke
Arizona State (+1.5) Over Illinois
Michigan State and Notre Dame OVER 51

GEORGIA IS A GIRL
Each week we're going to bring to you what the University of Georgia football team is, metaphorically speaking. In terms of a woman you are sexually/intellectually/spiritually interested in:

Week of 9/17
Fittingly, it's not easy to write this. Georgia is the girl you fell in love with so hard, it's not that you can't look at another girl's ass. You simply don't. She breaks your heart, in the most Maury Povich way, and then starts sleeping with losers behind your back. Worst of fall, no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot even masturbate without thinking about her. She's the worst kind of chick - you're in love with her even though you see her faults slapping you in the face.

Bawlin' Cawlin' 09-17-10

Definitely hard to follow up SJF's post with a focus on college football. Let's just say on Georgia's season, we completely differ on accountability. Friday thinks this season will decide new Defensive Coordinator Grantham's future in Athens. This season may not - but it should - decide the future of Richt's future in the Classic City.

I will continue to hit on this until I'm either proven wrong or, unfortunately, right. If Richt leads another talented albeit young and learning team to a mediocre season, it matters not how many alumni and boosters are making catcalls towards the up-and-coming coaches out there (Boise's coach, for example, expensive but certainly attainable). Eventually, the decision-makers are going to begin evaluating their investment. Richt playing the role of our beloved and long-tenured coach is no longer sacrosanct. Richt as our future coach? This is going to come under consideration if we see another 8-5 season. 9-4 and you're on the hot seat next year, CMR.

Never thought I would ever have that thought process. Then again, beat Arkansas convincingly and I'll be the first one to Tarzan-swing on Richt's testicles. Moving on.

The picks.

Records
OBJ: 6-3
Joe Friday: 5-4

Still early to talk about percentages, but Sue's is a respectable 64% picking against the spread. We may want to dip our big toe's in the NFL Ocean soon...

Last Week's Picks
SJF
LSU (-9.5) over Vanderbilt (+1)
Oklahoma (-7) over Florida State (+1)
Tennessee (+12.5) over Oregon (-1)
Alabama (-12) over Penn State (+1)
OBJ
Georgia (+3) over South Carolina (-1)
Georgia/South Carolina OVER 46.5 (-1)
California (-8.5) over Colorado(+1)
Rice (+3) over North Texas(+1)

Another huge hit to SEC Snobs everywhere with Tennessee getting killed by Oregon at home last week. Box score?

		1	2	3	4	T
#7	ORE	3	10	14	21	48
	TENN	6	7	0	0	13

Tennessee has been the proverbial sacrificial lamb in recent years, losing to USC and now Oregon consistently, but with Ole Miss' bed-wetting against Jacksonville State last week, we have little to brag about. Of course, we can always point to recent BCS Championships and Alabama's seemingly-paved road to Arizona this year, but who wants to do that?

Today's Picks
Lots and lots of terrible games last week, and we're barely into ACC conference play. Several marquee match-ups this weekend.

Joe Friday 1: Kansas (+6) over Southern Mississippi

Joe Friday 2: Kansas/Southern Mississippi UNDER 51.5

Joe Friday 3: Florida (-14) over Tennessee

Joe Friday 4: Alabama (-23.5) over Duke

Joe Friday 5: Southern California (-11.5) over Minnesota


OBJ 1: California (-2.5) over Nevada
List of teams I never trust against the spread: Clemson, Virgina Tech, California. These teams ALWAYS screw you over when you trust them to take care of business. And yet you're always drawn to them...

OBJ 2: Connecticut (-5) over Temple
I may be a bit inebriated, because after looking through all of the lines I feel most confident about this one.

OBJ 3: Oklahoma State (-6.5) over Tulsa

OBJ 4: Georgia (-2.5) over Arkansas
This could be the whisper of death into all of the bulldogs taking the field tomorrow that read this blog (read: none of them). Sure, Sue's went 0-2 against the spread for you last week. But let's put it this way: lose this game, and I won't have you in my picks the rest of the year!

Forget it Jake, It's Columbia

I mentioned this last week, but from 2002 through the 2006 Florida game, I expected the Dawgs to win every single game. That is 62 consecutive opening kickoffs I watched while thinking that there was no way Georgia could possibly lose this game.

(Edit note: I forgot the 2005 JoeT Florida game; probably because I have effectively blocked that game from my memory for five years now. I just remember sitting in my cubicle at work that Thursday, minimizing my IE window so I could sneak my tri-hourly peak at espn.com, and staring in horror as Tereshinski's pic emerged as the main picture on the front page. Safe to say that I could assume, even back then, that would be the last time that happened.)

Alot has changed since the early aughts, and those items need not be rehashed here. However, I can say with certainty that during last week's opening kickoff I did not expect the Dawgs to win. Okay, truth be told, during last week's kickoff I was rolling around in pain on my couch and popping asprin like Jelly Bellys trying to work off the after effects of the fact that Tin Roof is seemingly the only bar in the greater Atlanta area where last call prior to 5a.m. does not exist. But still, I am neither shocked nor appaled at the outcome of last week's game in Columbia.

Before the season, I was on the record saying that these Dawgs would finish the regular season 10-2 with losses to South Carolina and Florida. So far, so accurate. (Would have felt inappropriate to write 'so good' there.) And now, because the other 94 Georgia blogs are doing it, here are some more bullet points on the Carolina game, as well as the look ahead to this weekend's contest:

• I was nowhere near as horrified by the effort on the defensive side of the ball. Allow me to take the easy way out and let the numbers explain:

2009 Garcia - 313yds passing, 31-53, 2TDs, 1INT, 49 rushing
2009 total yards allowed - 427
2009 points allowed - 37

2010 Garcia - 165yds passing, 12-17, OTD/INT, -4 rushing
2010 total yards allowed - 354
2010 total points allowed - 17

Is that good? No, not really. Is it improvement? Yes. I'll take that less than a week after Labor Day.

• Look, the right move was to go ahead and force the true freshman running back playing in his first SEC game to beat you, rather than the veteran QB who torched you last year. The Dawgs dared Marcus Lattimore to beat them. It just so happens that he took their dare, laughed at it, threw it back at their faces, and proceeded to deficate on it. Too bad.
  

• The defense wasn't all roses, obviously, and we knew there would be some growing pains. To run a 3-4 effectively, your nose tackle needs to be able to take on two offensive lineman. With DeAngelo Tyson unable to do that for much of the game, SC's guards were able to quickly pick up and destabilize our interior linebackers. The big difference between this year's and last year's game was Carolina's 3rd down conversions (and of course, Lattimore). Last year: 6-17 on 3rd downs. This year? 9-14.
  

• Therefore, there was not much surprise this week when Richt announced that Justin Anderson and Kwame Geathers would see more work at NT this week against a large Arkansas offensive line.
  

• With their big receivers, accomplished QB, stellar offensive line and possibly the best SEC back since Knowshon, giving up 17 points to SC isn't the end of the world. Anyone comparing the tackling errors on Saturday to the Willie Martinez era should be forced to re-watch the 2nd half of 2008 UGA-Tech on a consistent loop, Clockwork Orange style. Let's just be happy SC was without (and will continue to be without) TE Wesleye Saunders and move on.
  

• So...the offense. This is what really dissapointed me. Believe me, I have come to expect the conservative Richt/Bobo offense early in the season with limited personnel. So it didn't shock me at all that Murray was handed the JoeT playbook last week.
  

• However, as the game proceeded, and it was evident that Murray could handle the offense, and that Ealey's effectiveness was two quarters past, I would have liked to have seen the playbook opened up and Murray allowed to send the ball downfield a bit more often. I know Georgia's TE's weren't playing up to snuff (by far and away, the biggest disappointment of the game, IMO), but between them and Brown, you have the horses. Running Ealey between the tackles for two-yard gains was clearly not working.
  

• Alas, losing AJ Green on Thursday really destroyed the offensive gameplan. I'd imagine the Dawgs were able to spend this whole week of practice devising an offensive blueprint based around AJ not being in the lineup. Thanks again, NCAA. If you could wait until 8pm, instead of 8am, to announce you are upholding the suspension, that would be great, as well as completely fucking expected. I'd really like to know how you were able to get through Jeremiah Masoli's transcripts and police reports so quickly, really.
  

• Moving forward, it's Arkansas week. The Hawgs seem like this season's SEC team du-jour. A squad that is overrated at the beginning of the year, feasts on cupcakes early, celebrates a semi-big win in September (let's hope not) before coming crashing down in October and eventually limping to a 2nd tier bowl. South Carolina usually fills this role nicely, last year it was Ole Miss.
  

• Arkansas has beaten two cupcakes by a combined score of 75-10. They have Heisman Trophy "candidate" (read: he has no shot) Ryan Mallet quarterbacking the offense. Mallet has the speedy Joe Adams and the huge Greg Childs as his wideout targets, but the offense passing game really centers around the best TE in the SEC and maybe the nation in DJ Williams, a true beast over the middle. If the conventional wisdom is that the secondary is Georgia's defensive strength, we will find out if that CW is remotely true this weekend.
  

• I had this game penciled in as a win all summer. Wthout Green, I think it is a bit closer to a tossup. Having Caleb King back will be huge, as Georgia can not afford the 3-and-outs that plauged them against the Gamecocks. Allow Arkansas to control time of possession and this game is kaput. Likewise, we cannot afford to get in a shootout with the Hawgs. This game will make or break how Todd Grantham is viewed early in his Athens tenure, for better or for worse. Let's give it to the Dawgs on a late field goal (as we all know Richt loves to), 27-24.
  

Other thoughts on college football, this week and last:

• Two years ago, when Sue's had 9 readers (two of whom were OBJ's girlfriend and dad), we bashed the ACC incessantly, week after week in this space. This year, we will let every other blog and even the mainstream media to steal our thunder.
  

• Boise State fans: start booking your hotels in Tempe...just for a week earlier than you were expecting.
  

• I think the Heisman is a meaningless and idiotic award, as evidenced by all the handwringing over Reggie Bush having to give back a trophy that is probably the 785th most important keepsake in his life right now. That said, Terrelle Pryor has the look that a clear-cut Heisman "I'm the fucking man" candidate has (much like Bush had in 2005, or Charles Woodson had in '97). If this were a basketball or hip-hop post, swag would have been the word I was looking for. I think it is his award (as well as BCS national championship game) to lose.
  

• If Tech loses to a ravaged North Carolina squad this week, it will be safe to say that the honeymoon period for Paul Johnson and The Perfect Option is over.
  

• Sorry...just one ACC dig that I haven't seen elsewhere. How telling is it, that for their conference game of the week at 3:30 on ABC, the broadcast will be live from...Duke. As they take on Alabama. And by take on, I mean 'get slaughtered by.'

• Remember when the Florida-Tennessee game was actually anticipated each year, as well as a lock to host gameday? Seems like eons ago.
  

• It may not be this weekend in Baton Rouge, but Mississippi State will upset a ranked team or two this year. Book it.
  

• Speaking of upsets, I was ready to pounce all over Texas Tech +7.5 over Texas....now the line is down to 3 in some sports books. As if bookies driving around in Benzes and 7-series' wasn't enough of a reminder, now would be a good time to mention...don't fuck with Vegas. This is now offically a stay away game...just don't be surprised if/when it comes down to the final possession.
  

OBJ will be in tomorrow with some picks and maybe a paragraph or two on Steve Nash.

Bawlin' Cawlin' 09-09-10: Lock Box Edition

This is our Lock Box. Stuuuurdy.

Sure, it's early in the year. Not much point in revealing Sue's vaunted and on-point Top 10 list just yet, right? So we can have it on the initial record, though, look for big things this year from Oregon (OBJ's Top 10 Surprise), who only has to beat up on a weakened [possible?] and unstable PAC-10) and - you're not going to believe this, but - Georgia (SJF's Top 10 Surprise) to spice things up. Two years ago Sue's had Alabama in our Top 2 all year long, while everyone else saw them in a "building year." Count on Oregon and (I guess?) Georgia to finish in the Top 10 at year's end.

But, 2010 college gridiron being as such in the infant stage, let's officially enact something just as legitimate as College Football pre-and-early season rankings. The Runaround Sue's Lock Box!

Answering the most pressing questions in sports, we'll break down exactly how these unforeseeable events will transpire. Picking baseball, basketball and football boils down to a crap shoot, so being able to guess +60% in all of those is the same as predicting amongst an infinite amount of possibilities, right?

The questions for our Inaugural Box:

Will AJ Green's absence - or arrival - this season mean much in the grand scheme of things to the bulldogs' season?

But we have to believe that CMR (7-2 in bowl games, recruited #1 overall pick NFL draft) was and is still a top ten coach. It couldn't have all been the talent that Donnan (4-0 in bowl games, stellar recruiting classes) brought in, right? I mean, I love David Greene, but did you ever believe it was him (concession that he's the second all-time winningest quarterback in NCAA history) - and not the road map of CMR - that brought Georgia into national significance?

Plays like this won games and created memorable seasons, not Greene's unbelievable talent:

Word is Murray had never heard of 44-Flyback Rooskie before he met with Greene.
He should know it - and use it - well by now.

Georgia had plenty of close games in the early 2000s while they worked to gain reputation in the SEC. If Georgia can go 3-1 in the games AJ's out, his arrival back in the mix will mean a chance at an SEC Championship berth. Many in the bulldog nation feel Georgia's going to lose to South Carolina or Arkansas, perhaps both. If the Bulldogs have two losses when AJ's back to roast defensive backs, it will be too late.

But with a redshirt freshman quarterback, the Bulldogs' best player out for 1/3 of the season and a backfield lacking a standout all-purpose rusher, the coaching staff will be nearly more instrumental than the players on the field. Bobo's handling of his green quarterback will be key. Grantham's new defensive scheme and how quickly the defense picks it up will be key. And how CMR coaches his games against some of the best program heads in football will be the ultimate decider between a great and mediocre season.

So that's what Georgia needs this year. For Richt to step up and be the coach we all knew - and now think - he is. I don't care how close the wins are. Give me gut-wrenching slobber-knocking fist fights all year long. We need a road map to victory, Coach.

Basically, Georgia fans, if you still have faith in your Coach,
you have faith in Friday's 10-2 prediction.

Prediction: AJ's absence will matter. He's one of the best players out there, and arguably the best wide receiver in college football. His comeback will be meaningful, because the bulldogs will be in the hunt for the SEC East crown.

Will Steve Nash have a noticeably precipitous drop in effectiveness this season?

Sergeant Friday edited this post, deleting my thoughts on this topic and leaving behind a strong-worded short note kindly asking me to focus on football in September. I suppose he feels strongly about it. More on Nash later.

I know, Steve, I know. What gives, right? Don't worry: you'll get the treatment.

Prediction: TBD

Will Tiger Woods regain his form? Will Tiger Woods eventually overtake Jack Nicklaus?

Let's not be weak and take the easy road here. Of course Woods is going to regain at least some of his previous, championship form. Dominating? Probably. As intimidatingly and frighteningly imposing he was before? Doubtful.

The score: Woods has 14 majors, Nicklaus 20.

Tiger Woods is nearly 36 years old. Jack Nicklaus won his last major at August National in 1986 at the tender age of 46.5 years-old. Between the ages of 36.5 and 46.5, Nicklaus won six majors.

Are the courses different, most would say more difficult? Is the level of competition higher? Is Tiger working on surgically repaired shoe-fillers? Sure. But all Tiger has to do at this point is replicate the Golden Bear's prime-to-twilight years, and he'll match his majors wins.

The record will be here that SJF disagrees with me here, so there's likely an obnoxiously batty wager borne from this discussion similar to our $1000 "Pitchers will/won't be wearing helmets in 8 years." Silly boys.

Mark me down for yes. I'm not positive he'll break Jack's record, but I know he will at least match it.

Prediction: SJF says no, Jammin' certain he'll match 20 within 10 years. Should we change Sue's Lock Box to Sue's Time Capsule?

Will Boise State go undefeated?

This topic has been discussed too much already, so let's just go with the predictions.

Prediction: Joe Friday sees a loss to Oregon State. OBJ likes an undefeated Boise State at season's end.

Undefeated, does Boise go on to the BCS National Championship game in Arizona?

Prediction: Runaround Sue's collectively and emphatically says: No.

Records
OBJ: 4-1
Joe Friday: 2-3

A solid start, but too early to be talking percentages.

Last Week's Picks
SJF
Virginia Tech (+2) over Boise State (-1)
Oregon State (+13.5) over TCU (+1)
Memphis (+22) over Mississippi State (+1)
Florida/Miami of Ohio OVER 52.5 (-1)
LSU(-6.5) over UNC (-1)
OBJ
UGA/Louisiana Lafayette OVER 51.5 (+1)
Maryland (+6.5) over Navy (+1)
UCLA/Kansas State UNDER 44.5 (-1)
Michigan (-3) over UCONN (+1)
Kentucky (-3) over Louisville (+1)

Big blow to Sec Snobs everywhere with Ole Miss forgetting how to play football last weekend. Methinks they're just too worried about their mascot, what with not being able to secure the rights to Admiral Ackbar and everything.

It's a trap!

Today's Picks
Lots and lots of terrible games last week, and we're barely into ACC conference play. Several marquee match-ups this weekend.

Joe Friday 1: LSU (-9.5) over Vanderbilt

Joe Friday 2: Oklahoma (-7) over Florida State

Joe Friday 3: Tennessee (+12.5) over Oregon

Joe Friday 4: Alabama (-12) over Penn State


OBJ 1: Georgia (+3) over South Carolina
Why does South Carolina always give Georgia fits? Anyone outside the SEC should still watch this game. These two teams always make it interesting...

OBJ 2: Georgia/South Carolina OVER 46.5
...and usually low-scoring, too. The Gamecocks have an excellent defense and can finally stop the run this year, but Aaron Murray may just be the real deal.

OBJ 3: California (-8.5) over Colorado
Here's hoping I'm wrong on this one. A win for Colorado can only make the SEC look better after Georgia disgraces them in Boulder, especially with Tennessee inevitably awaiting an absolute drubbing in Neyland Stadium at the hands of Oregon this week.

OBJ 4: Rice (+3) over North Texas
Rice? It appears Rice is a Conference USA team with 5,000 students. Tuition is $33,120 and the school features a student body comprised of 40% minorities! Plus their campus is very pretty. Go Owls!

And now, for your viewing pleasure, the sponsors of Sue's Lock Box.