Real Life Matters: Week Six

Let's see if this article's made out of straw, or truly is a Brick House. YEAOW!

A few weeks ago Sports Illustrated featured a 6-page spread on the Vanderbilt Commodores for its primary college football coverage. Eschewing my SEC Snobbery for just a moment, let’s dig a little deeper to discover just what it is about Vandy that required the spotlight of a national magazine.

The roar needs no explanation, but an onlooker provides one anyway: "Yeah. He's here." The he in question is Nick Saban, and his devotees have filled the lobby of the Wynfrey Hotel in Hoover, Ala., hoping to glimpse the Crimson Tide coach.

Yes, those amazing Commodores! Why, I can’t wait to begin my feature article about their pluckiness, high IQ and winning ways! Hmm? What’s that? Why did I choose to use the first 200 words of my story on the Vanderbilt Commodores talking about how Nick Saban “is like a fiftysomething Justin Bieber?” Pay you no mind, see!

Appearing before the media alongside Saban and the three Tide players, almost for bookkeeping purposes, are the representatives for the Vanderbilt Commodores. They have a new coach, 39-year-old James Franklin, but the same old story. They have finished with a losing record in 27 of the last 28 years. They have not had a winning conference mark since 1982. Of the 1,050 credentialed reporters, fewer than 10 are there to cover Vanderbilt.

I can almost see the wheels churning inside this reporter’s head while forming his storey. “Say, based on this here credential list, less than 9 % of the media members are here to cover the Commodores! That’s a real shame. Wait, I’M not here to cover Vanderbilt, EITHER. Maybe I can build up their coach and speak about their academic success. Nobody will be talking about it because it doesn’t matter!”

Since becoming coach last December, Franklin has filled every single media request that has hit his desk. He cohosted a Nashville morning radio show and has invited radio personalities to broadcast live from practice. (They accepted.)

Yes, compared to the most successful coaches in the SEC, like Nick Saban and Les Miles, who routinely close practice to both the media and NFL scouts, Franklin isn’t afraid to have the whole Commodore gameplan revealed Live and On Air!

He spoke to the leaders of Vanderbilt's student government and the Black Student Alliance. He has visited every fraternity and sorority on campus ... twice. He has spoken to Kiwanis clubs and Rotary clubs. Sometimes it's hard to tell if he is trying to win the SEC or a seat on the city council.

City Council! City Council! Is James Franklin using the Vanderbilt job as a showcase for his determination and media savvy? Perhaps that’s unfair to say. I did have to make sure that this wasn’t creative license and embellishment by the author, which it is not. Franklin really does rotate his weeks among (the four) fraternities and sororities in Nashville, trying to drum up interest in his program. Get this guy some coverage, dammit!

I also had to look up what a Kiwanis club is. At first, this embarrassed me. Until I discovered that I simply have to send you here, rather than even attempt to explain what they are myself.

"I'll do birthday parties," he says. "I'll bring balloons."

Alas, I could not find any information on the web to verify this, but I know this is 100% true. If you live in the Nashville are and are looking for a great gag gift for your buddy’s bachelor or birthday party, Franklin is available.

And he’ll answer on the first ring!

Also, if I were a supporter of the Vanderbilt program, the thought of my coach walking around time, begging for attention and showing up for birthday parties with Commodore Kazoos would almost certainly offense my sensibilities.

If the folks on Vanderbilt's campus think Franklin is passionate when he speaks to them, they should see him with his players. During one practice in August, Franklin, a former Division II quarterback for East Stroudsburg, stepped in against the Commodores' defense. Linebacker Archibald Barnes intercepted his coach's pass and tried to return it for a touchdown. Franklin sprinted toward Barnes and leveled a defensive back blocking for Barnes. The coach was not wearing pads.

I believe this may be my favorite part of the article. So, without pads, COACH FRANKLIN lines up under center, and throws an interception. Not to be outdone by this outstanding example of football skill, he then decides to level a poor defensive back that was presumably wondering what the hell he’s supposed to do with a crazy person in position of authority is foaming at the mouth and intending to nail him. Also presumably, he decided that avoiding giving his COACH FRANKLIN a concussion would probably be better than the endless shit he’d be taking for letting a 40-year old take him to school.

I seem to remember another brash, outspoken coach with a penchant for irregular and incomprehensible acts of intended inspiration. So, this is going to end well.

Single-ing out a winner, or just another loose cannon?

Last Saturday night in Nashville, before the Commodores played Connecticut, Franklin surprised his players with all-black uniforms, including black helmets.

This would be quite the act of leadership and inspired, innovative thinking – just the kind of thing a fresh young coach with loads of new ideas is brought in for? Unless of course the exact same thing was done just a few years ago by a coach within his own division.

The color was symbolic.

“Just give it a few quarters, men! Soon you’ll be seeing the same color from within your helmet, as from the outside!”

"We're going to play like a big-time program," Franklin says. "We're going to act like a big-time program. They're going to be treated like [they play for] a big-time program."

“Hey, Coach. We’re tired of being treated like a small-time program. Why does that even happen?”

The Commodores beat the reigning Big East champion 24--21 to improve to 2--0—matching their win total from each of the last two seasons.

“Oh, yeah! That’s why! Our 4-20 record the last two years has been destroying our cause! Guess I’m so mentally stuffed with quadratics I forget how terrible we are each year!”

By the way, I love that the writer is sure to mention “Big East champion,” as if everyone in the country isn’t collectively wondering, “wait, the Big East is still around?” Vanderbilt went on to win its next game, I’m sure delighting the author who wrote this story, then promptly lost its next three by a combined 88-31.

Franklin said it would have been more fun to blow out the Huskies, but winning at the end, largely with defense, might have been better. "I actually think we'll get a lot more out of winning that way than we would the other way," he said. "That was the kind of game that in the past, Vanderbilt didn't find a way to win."

“Now that I think about it,” said Franklin, “We also lost the games that were decided largely with offense and special teams. We lost the close ones, but we definitely seemed to always be on the wrong side of the blowouts. We lost day games and night games, September games and homecoming games. I’m sorry what was the question?”

Winning SEC football games at Vanderbilt may be the toughest task in any of the major American sports. It is like managing a major league baseball team with the Cubs' history, the Royals' resources and the Rays' fan base in a division with the Yankees and the Red Sox.

And your winning meaningless baseball metaphor of the story is…paragraph number 38! Translation – Vanderbilt sucks and the SEC is hard.

Or as former Vanderbilt safety and NFL Pro Bowler Corey Chavous puts it, "It's like trying to climb a mountain with a truck on your back."

That’s better. It’s like trying to climb a mountain of success, but you have 3 tons of suckiness on your back. Chavous must have been a valedictorian.

Vanderbilt is in the SEC, but it is not of the SEC. Vanderbilt is 17th in the most recent U.S. News & World Report college rankings. The next SEC school is Florida, at No. 53.

Academics!

Since 1987, 11 of the conference's 12 schools have been found guilty of a major NCAA violation in football. The 12th is Vanderbilt. The SEC may or may not be out of control, but it certainly seems way out of Vanderbilt's control.

Rule following!

There are literally a million reasons why Vanderbilt has not had any violations. Sure, you can let complete assholes like Jay Cutler into your school, but try admitting LaDaniel Thompson (not real), who just ran the 40 in 4.2 and has a 5” vertical at 6’5” 210 pounds.

Franklin knew this when he took the job last winter after serving as offensive coordinator at Maryland (2008--10) and Kansas State ('06 and '07). He understood that before he could install his offense, he had to instill hope.

Shit! These players seem to actually know they PLAY for Vanderbilt. It’s uncanny! MAYBE DIFFERENT COLORED UNIFORMS WILL CONFUSE THEM?

"The biggest battle," he says, "is getting [players and fans] to believe."

“The biggest battle,” truth-telling COACH FRANKLIN doppelganger says, “is trying to win games with players far less talented and athletic than our opponents.”

Beginning in 2002, Bobby Johnson went 29--66 in eight seasons, but his reign is still considered a success, for one reason: In '08, he led the Commodores to a 7--6 record, including a win in the Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl in Nashville. The trophy sits alone at the entrance to the Vanderbilt coaches' offices.

God, this is just sad. Can’t you imagine the trophy merely sitting in an empty chair outside in the hallway?

The thing about Vanderbilt is that it seems as if it should be able to compete.

The thing about this article is that it seems as if it should have a point.

The university is nationally respected. The campus is beautiful. The schools it most resembles have thrived—Stanford won the Orange Bowl last season; Northwestern has been to several January bowl games, including the Rose Bowl.

This can’t have anything to do with the Commodores’ conference, and the degree of difficulty in playing better opponents in every facet of the game, or Vanderbilt’s multiple and glaring recruiting disadvantages, or lack of private or University financing, or really anything of note that you could be talking about but are choosing not to? No? Okay, then.

With no chance to be the best team in its conference, Vanderbilt has sought to be the purest. In 2003 then school president Gordon Gee disbanded the athletic department and folded it into a division of student life. Johnson banned profanity on the football field.

I have no idea what “pure” means in this context, but my spidey sense is telling me it won’t help you win football games.

Having the brightest players in the league does not necessarily mean having the brightest team. As he watched film at a recent staff meeting, Franklin expressed disbelief at one player, who could not grasp a new scheme. "He got almost a perfect score on the ACT, and he's struggling," Franklin told his staff. An assistant cracked, "[But] he'll split the atom for you."

I love that the coaches are shown here ripping their own players. “Say, how come these fellas are so smart, but they can’t learn them some football? By the way, does anyone know what I’m supposed to do with that screen that sits in the middle of my desk and plays the soothing trance symbols all day?”

One problem is that the Vanderbilt community generally expects to lose.

The Vanderbilt community, we can say now with confidence, is not delusional.

Franklin is trying to change that thinking. Other coaches, and even some people at the school, can rattle off a list of reasons why Vanderbilt loses.

None of which you have mentioned in your story, sir.

And if you say that Vanderbilt can't possibly win in the SEC, he says that at Vanderbilt, players can get a world-class education while playing in the nation's toughest conference.

"What he also does not say, however, is that the Vanderbilt can possibly win the SEC."

Can Franklin pull this off? History and 11 other rabid fan bases say no way. Franklin can't match the credentials of other coaches in his conference, but he is trying to make up for it by being closer to his team.

Can Franklin pull this off? Every logical, statistical and thoughtful measure available says there's no prayer in the world powerful enough to help Vanderbilt win. Coach Franklin makes up for all of this, however, by being purer with his team.

When the Commodores saw the movie Horrible Bosses in August, Franklin realized, Uh- oh, that's me, I'm the boss now. He looked around. Nobody was in his row. He grabbed a few freshmen and made them sit next to him.

This absolutely, positively needs no snarky comment. It's good on it's own.

"The first thing he said to me was, 'We're not taking no for an answer,'" said quarterback Josh Grady, a three-star recruit who signed with Vanderbilt in February, two weeks after Franklin offered him a scholarship. "He was like, 'We're going to change the culture.' Whenever I would say, 'Maybe if I come,' he'd be like, 'No. You're gonna come.' I'd say, 'I understand we're gonna try to change the program.' He'd say, 'No. We're gonna change the program.' Little things like that made me buy into it."

Wouldn't it be awesome if everyone was as gullible as a 17-year old jock?

"So, Ben, if we give you this raise..."
"No, when you give me this raise."

"If I come home with you tonight,"
"AFTER YOU COME HOME WITH ME TONIGHT"

Franklin is dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's, and still, it will be a challenge to avoid all the L's.

Because his team is just so darn P-U!

Atlanta, the site of the SEC championship game, could not seem farther away. The history is almost suffocating. Fact: No Commodore has ever played in two bowl games.

Fact: as evidenced by your opening line about media coverage, nobody cares about this fact.

"Ultimately we're going to have to put a product on the field that people are proud of," he says, "and I understand that."

So, like, a Hyundai?

The number in the Win column is the one inescapable truth for the biggest underdog in college football, the only SEC team that the rest of the country can love. Franklin embraces that truth as enthusiastically as he embraces everything else. Vanderbilt has been waiting for the future for 50 years. It has to arrive at some point. Doesn't it?

I absolutely adore this logic. I've been playing the same numbers in the powerball for 38 years, dadgarmett! My payday has to come sometime, don't it?

Editor's Note: Georgia barely beat Vanderbilt this weekend. Plucky!

On to this week's wagers! A reminder of what's at stake:

LOSER - Swift kick in the ass. No bullshit. Velocity of kick dependent upon kicker (kick-ee likely to ask for more)

WINNER - Bottle of his choosing.

BONUS - Winning Percentage more than 10% differential? Georgia home game football ticket

SEASON
OBJ
9-9

J-Rock
9-9

This Week's Picks
OBJ
Georgia (-11) Over Vanderbilt
Last week requires a retraction: Georgia has actually beat the spread four weeks in a row (plus a push). Count on them to make it five.

Michigan (+2.5) Over Michigan State

Is it just me, or does it seem like halfway through the CFB season, Vegas collectively says, "Okay, that's enough. You had your fun, now we're going to start trying."

Boise State vs Colorado State UNDER 54.5

Indiana (+40) Over Wisconsin

Wisconsin has averaged nearly a 40-point differential this season. Indiana's played (and lost) some really close games. I like the Hoosiers not not get beat by 40!

Especially with important games at Ohio State and at Michigan State, this is a recipe for some 3rd-string in the 3rd-quarter brew for Wisconsin.

J-Rock
Georgia Tech (-7) Over Virginia
South Carolina (-2.5) Over Mississippi State
Toledo (-7) Over Bowling Green
Kansas State (+3.5) Over Texas Tech

GEORGIA IS A GIRL
Each week we're going to bring to you what the University of Georgia football team is, metaphorically speaking. In terms of a woman you are sexually/intellectually/spiritually interested in:

Week of 10/3
This week Georgia's the chick you met a party, but the more you try to remember the more she seems like simply part of your imagination. Did she really make out with you on the hood of your car? You didn't tell her you loved her, did you?

Then a friend reminds you the girl's in one of your classes. While it's Spring Break, you're guaranteed to see her.

So play it cool, mates. Don't call her, don't masturbate to her. And don't get too excited. You never know if you spent the night sucking face with a sea donkey or a true bangin' chick. You'll know real, real soon.

In Which While Writing This, I Almost Referred to a Conference As "We" Nine Times

With both college football/NFL in full swing and the baseball playoffs providing drama on a nightly basis, there shouldn't be any excuse for a red-blooded American sports fan to be following this conference realignment nonsense. I would counter, however, with the following:

• While college football is fucking awesome in every respect, we really don't yet know who the best teams are outside of Louisiana or Alabama, or even if there are any/many good ones. At this point, it appears as tho all non-LSU/Bama top teams have feasted on a menu of cupcakes, ACC teams whose elitism is questionable, and Mississippi State, whose non-elite status has been confirmed. There is a reason why the Mumme Poll doesn't start until next week, everything is conjecture at this point. Check back then when we know more.

• The NFL, while also enjoyable this season, does not lack for coverage. There are approximately 287873262672691028 articles on the internet right now on everything from in-depth coverage wondering if the Jets will deploy Darelle Revis in a nickel package on Wes Welker this Sunday or if they'll waste him on Deion fucking Branch on the outside, to page-hit pandering lists on which teams should sign TO. If you understandably don't want to read this, you can prolly turn on an ESPN channel right now and hear a couple people arguing over WHO IS MORE FOR REAL, THE BILLS OR THE LIONS?

• Baseball is baseball and thus best consumed in 3 minute highlights. Oh the Tigers beat the Yanks to go to the ALCS? Cool. CC Sabathia came in as a reliever? Huh. Interesting.

Combine all that with the fact that I'm a huge fucking dork when it comes to this shit, and allow me to provide my two cents on college realignment to this point. Because reading paragraphs on this situation will make you either fall asleep at your keyboard or switch over to porn, I'll keep it brief and in bullet-point form:

What we know at this point:

• Texas A&M, pissed that Texas has their own TV network, left the Big 12 for the SEC. Their students/alums allegedly chanted "SEC" at summer graduation, a full month before this move was confirmed. Safe to say they'll be a solid fit culturally in their new conference.

• The Big 12 avoided destruction for the second straight year because the Pac 12 didn't want the baggage that came with Texas' huge TV contract. Texas and Oklahoma (and thereby Oklahoma State and Texas Tech, who are attached to their in-state counterparts) crawled back to the Big 12, hat-in-hand.

• The ACC decided that they needed more 7-win football teams and nabbed Pittsburgh and Syracuse from the Big East. Knocks aside, this was a good move for the ACC. They were proactive and raided the Big East to protect themselves from being poached. In the process, they essentially killed the Big East as a football conference, of which we will be eternally grateful.

• The Big 10 decided that they are content with large, academically strong state schools and god-awful boring as shit football, and are staying pat at 12 members.

So where does this leave us? The Pac 12, Big 10 are solid at twelve members. The ACC has 14 members, and will likely pick off the carcass of the Big East when it officially folds, pick up UCONN and someone else, and become a basketball mega-conference. The Big 12 has 3-4 open spots (more on that in a minute), and is likely to fill them with smaller but good college football programs (TCU, West Virginia, Louisville, Houston). For some reason, aka MONEY, Boise State has not been mentioned as a Big 12 possibility

This is a long winded way of bringing us to the SEC, the greatest conference in the land that should have every intention of staying that way. Right now, at 13 members, the SEC is in a state of flux and coaches have been open about their displeasure regarding an unbalanced schedule ("why does Alabama get to play 2 games in Texas and gain exposure there while we play none?") Clearly, a 14th member needs to be added, and for weeks all fingers have pointed to the UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI of all places as the 14th member.

How the hell, did Missouri, as mediocre a football program as they come, with absolutely no regional or cultural ties to the conference get to the point where the SEC wanted them to be invited? Well here is what SEC Commish Mike Slive sees in Mizzou:

• Expanded footprint into the Kansas City and St. Louis football markets.

• A strong academic instution, only eclipsed in the conference currently by Vandy and Florida.

Here are my responses to these 'benefits' that Mizzou brings:

• Awesome. You're adding the 25th and 34th biggest TV markets, neither of which have been college football crazy locales. This outweighs the benefits of bringing in a mediocre program to a conference whose biggest/only selling point is its elite level of football? Add Virginia Tech (DC Market) or FSU (larger footprint in Florida).

• You're the SEC. WHY ARE YOU CARING ABOUT ACADEMICS?!?!? This is inexplicable. You think adding Missouri, a state school ranked 60thish in the nation is going to make people think highly of the SEC academically? MISSISSIPPI STATE IS STILL A MEMBER OF THIS CONFERENCE, YO. UNIVERSITY OF KENTUCKY. ARKANSAS, PEOPLE. Academics should never be a priority for the SEC as long as everyone's eligible. Hell, I'm in favor of throwing Miss. State a bone and inviting West Virginia over Missouri. At least they're a cultural fit and allow Miss State to no longer be ranked last in the conference academically for the first time, ever.

Luckily, news has broke in the last 24 hours that:

• Missouri mentions they still want to be in the Big 10 but, for the second straight year, they were rebuffed. The SEC is taking other conferences scraps now?

• Per AL.com, some SEC presidents are bucking and don't want to invite Missouri, citing their lack of prestige and the conservation of traditional rivalries. So there is still hope that Missouri will, for the second straight year, have to go back to the Big 12 with their tail between their legs.

For this to happen, the presidents of UGA, UF and South Carolina will have to break an alleged pact between those three schools will block any new members from their state (read: Clemson, FSU, and GaTech). Clemson and GT aren't likely candidates, but FSU is given their stronghold in Florida markets, program prestige and the cultural fit they provide. UF and UGA enjoy being the only SEC game in town in the fertile South Georgia/Northern Florida recruiting area, and don't want to share this area.

• Similarly: While Texas A&M is not that much better a program than Mizzou, that will improve. A&M can now go into a recruit's house and say "Want to play in the best/most televised/pro ready conference in the country? Want to stay in Texas? Then you've got one option, son." While more SEC schools (specifically LSU, Arky, Bama) will benefit from this move as well, expect A&M to start nabbing recruits that were Longhorn locks two years ago.

Bottom line: The SEC is the premier football conference in America. This is a source of pride among southerns (see SEC Chant), as there are not too many areas in which the south is head and shoulders above the rest of the country. The SEC should stay that way. Add FSU, West Virginia, VaTech, or make a godfather offer for Oklahoma or Texas (if you have to take Okla State/Tex Tech and go to 16 so be it. Personally, I think Okla/Texas enjoy being the top dogs in a conference of ACC-level schools and are too scared to come to the SEC, but whatever). Just don't add Missouri. The shoe doesn't fit.

Enjoy the actual, real football action this weekend.


(Ed. Addendum: I am not naive enough to ignore the reality that money drives all, and that Mizzou will continue to be pursued as long as it makes financial sense to the SEC. I am also not one of those fans that views the Tennessee-Bama rivalry as sacrosanct and must be conserved at all costs. I simply feel that by adding Virginia Tech, you expand into a bigger, more profitable market and add more eyeballs to your product. Ditto, although to a lesser extent for Florida state. While I'd love to see West Virginia as well, I realize they do not help this league in the TV households category.)

Bawlin' Cawlin' 09-17-10

Definitely hard to follow up SJF's post with a focus on college football. Let's just say on Georgia's season, we completely differ on accountability. Friday thinks this season will decide new Defensive Coordinator Grantham's future in Athens. This season may not - but it should - decide the future of Richt's future in the Classic City.

I will continue to hit on this until I'm either proven wrong or, unfortunately, right. If Richt leads another talented albeit young and learning team to a mediocre season, it matters not how many alumni and boosters are making catcalls towards the up-and-coming coaches out there (Boise's coach, for example, expensive but certainly attainable). Eventually, the decision-makers are going to begin evaluating their investment. Richt playing the role of our beloved and long-tenured coach is no longer sacrosanct. Richt as our future coach? This is going to come under consideration if we see another 8-5 season. 9-4 and you're on the hot seat next year, CMR.

Never thought I would ever have that thought process. Then again, beat Arkansas convincingly and I'll be the first one to Tarzan-swing on Richt's testicles. Moving on.

The picks.

Records
OBJ: 6-3
Joe Friday: 5-4

Still early to talk about percentages, but Sue's is a respectable 64% picking against the spread. We may want to dip our big toe's in the NFL Ocean soon...

Last Week's Picks
SJF
LSU (-9.5) over Vanderbilt (+1)
Oklahoma (-7) over Florida State (+1)
Tennessee (+12.5) over Oregon (-1)
Alabama (-12) over Penn State (+1)
OBJ
Georgia (+3) over South Carolina (-1)
Georgia/South Carolina OVER 46.5 (-1)
California (-8.5) over Colorado(+1)
Rice (+3) over North Texas(+1)

Another huge hit to SEC Snobs everywhere with Tennessee getting killed by Oregon at home last week. Box score?

		1	2	3	4	T
#7	ORE	3	10	14	21	48
	TENN	6	7	0	0	13

Tennessee has been the proverbial sacrificial lamb in recent years, losing to USC and now Oregon consistently, but with Ole Miss' bed-wetting against Jacksonville State last week, we have little to brag about. Of course, we can always point to recent BCS Championships and Alabama's seemingly-paved road to Arizona this year, but who wants to do that?

Today's Picks
Lots and lots of terrible games last week, and we're barely into ACC conference play. Several marquee match-ups this weekend.

Joe Friday 1: Kansas (+6) over Southern Mississippi

Joe Friday 2: Kansas/Southern Mississippi UNDER 51.5

Joe Friday 3: Florida (-14) over Tennessee

Joe Friday 4: Alabama (-23.5) over Duke

Joe Friday 5: Southern California (-11.5) over Minnesota


OBJ 1: California (-2.5) over Nevada
List of teams I never trust against the spread: Clemson, Virgina Tech, California. These teams ALWAYS screw you over when you trust them to take care of business. And yet you're always drawn to them...

OBJ 2: Connecticut (-5) over Temple
I may be a bit inebriated, because after looking through all of the lines I feel most confident about this one.

OBJ 3: Oklahoma State (-6.5) over Tulsa

OBJ 4: Georgia (-2.5) over Arkansas
This could be the whisper of death into all of the bulldogs taking the field tomorrow that read this blog (read: none of them). Sure, Sue's went 0-2 against the spread for you last week. But let's put it this way: lose this game, and I won't have you in my picks the rest of the year!

Bawlin' Cawlin' 09-09-10: Lock Box Edition

This is our Lock Box. Stuuuurdy.

Sure, it's early in the year. Not much point in revealing Sue's vaunted and on-point Top 10 list just yet, right? So we can have it on the initial record, though, look for big things this year from Oregon (OBJ's Top 10 Surprise), who only has to beat up on a weakened [possible?] and unstable PAC-10) and - you're not going to believe this, but - Georgia (SJF's Top 10 Surprise) to spice things up. Two years ago Sue's had Alabama in our Top 2 all year long, while everyone else saw them in a "building year." Count on Oregon and (I guess?) Georgia to finish in the Top 10 at year's end.

But, 2010 college gridiron being as such in the infant stage, let's officially enact something just as legitimate as College Football pre-and-early season rankings. The Runaround Sue's Lock Box!

Answering the most pressing questions in sports, we'll break down exactly how these unforeseeable events will transpire. Picking baseball, basketball and football boils down to a crap shoot, so being able to guess +60% in all of those is the same as predicting amongst an infinite amount of possibilities, right?

The questions for our Inaugural Box:

Will AJ Green's absence - or arrival - this season mean much in the grand scheme of things to the bulldogs' season?

But we have to believe that CMR (7-2 in bowl games, recruited #1 overall pick NFL draft) was and is still a top ten coach. It couldn't have all been the talent that Donnan (4-0 in bowl games, stellar recruiting classes) brought in, right? I mean, I love David Greene, but did you ever believe it was him (concession that he's the second all-time winningest quarterback in NCAA history) - and not the road map of CMR - that brought Georgia into national significance?

Plays like this won games and created memorable seasons, not Greene's unbelievable talent:

Word is Murray had never heard of 44-Flyback Rooskie before he met with Greene.
He should know it - and use it - well by now.

Georgia had plenty of close games in the early 2000s while they worked to gain reputation in the SEC. If Georgia can go 3-1 in the games AJ's out, his arrival back in the mix will mean a chance at an SEC Championship berth. Many in the bulldog nation feel Georgia's going to lose to South Carolina or Arkansas, perhaps both. If the Bulldogs have two losses when AJ's back to roast defensive backs, it will be too late.

But with a redshirt freshman quarterback, the Bulldogs' best player out for 1/3 of the season and a backfield lacking a standout all-purpose rusher, the coaching staff will be nearly more instrumental than the players on the field. Bobo's handling of his green quarterback will be key. Grantham's new defensive scheme and how quickly the defense picks it up will be key. And how CMR coaches his games against some of the best program heads in football will be the ultimate decider between a great and mediocre season.

So that's what Georgia needs this year. For Richt to step up and be the coach we all knew - and now think - he is. I don't care how close the wins are. Give me gut-wrenching slobber-knocking fist fights all year long. We need a road map to victory, Coach.

Basically, Georgia fans, if you still have faith in your Coach,
you have faith in Friday's 10-2 prediction.

Prediction: AJ's absence will matter. He's one of the best players out there, and arguably the best wide receiver in college football. His comeback will be meaningful, because the bulldogs will be in the hunt for the SEC East crown.

Will Steve Nash have a noticeably precipitous drop in effectiveness this season?

Sergeant Friday edited this post, deleting my thoughts on this topic and leaving behind a strong-worded short note kindly asking me to focus on football in September. I suppose he feels strongly about it. More on Nash later.

I know, Steve, I know. What gives, right? Don't worry: you'll get the treatment.

Prediction: TBD

Will Tiger Woods regain his form? Will Tiger Woods eventually overtake Jack Nicklaus?

Let's not be weak and take the easy road here. Of course Woods is going to regain at least some of his previous, championship form. Dominating? Probably. As intimidatingly and frighteningly imposing he was before? Doubtful.

The score: Woods has 14 majors, Nicklaus 20.

Tiger Woods is nearly 36 years old. Jack Nicklaus won his last major at August National in 1986 at the tender age of 46.5 years-old. Between the ages of 36.5 and 46.5, Nicklaus won six majors.

Are the courses different, most would say more difficult? Is the level of competition higher? Is Tiger working on surgically repaired shoe-fillers? Sure. But all Tiger has to do at this point is replicate the Golden Bear's prime-to-twilight years, and he'll match his majors wins.

The record will be here that SJF disagrees with me here, so there's likely an obnoxiously batty wager borne from this discussion similar to our $1000 "Pitchers will/won't be wearing helmets in 8 years." Silly boys.

Mark me down for yes. I'm not positive he'll break Jack's record, but I know he will at least match it.

Prediction: SJF says no, Jammin' certain he'll match 20 within 10 years. Should we change Sue's Lock Box to Sue's Time Capsule?

Will Boise State go undefeated?

This topic has been discussed too much already, so let's just go with the predictions.

Prediction: Joe Friday sees a loss to Oregon State. OBJ likes an undefeated Boise State at season's end.

Undefeated, does Boise go on to the BCS National Championship game in Arizona?

Prediction: Runaround Sue's collectively and emphatically says: No.

Records
OBJ: 4-1
Joe Friday: 2-3

A solid start, but too early to be talking percentages.

Last Week's Picks
SJF
Virginia Tech (+2) over Boise State (-1)
Oregon State (+13.5) over TCU (+1)
Memphis (+22) over Mississippi State (+1)
Florida/Miami of Ohio OVER 52.5 (-1)
LSU(-6.5) over UNC (-1)
OBJ
UGA/Louisiana Lafayette OVER 51.5 (+1)
Maryland (+6.5) over Navy (+1)
UCLA/Kansas State UNDER 44.5 (-1)
Michigan (-3) over UCONN (+1)
Kentucky (-3) over Louisville (+1)

Big blow to Sec Snobs everywhere with Ole Miss forgetting how to play football last weekend. Methinks they're just too worried about their mascot, what with not being able to secure the rights to Admiral Ackbar and everything.

It's a trap!

Today's Picks
Lots and lots of terrible games last week, and we're barely into ACC conference play. Several marquee match-ups this weekend.

Joe Friday 1: LSU (-9.5) over Vanderbilt

Joe Friday 2: Oklahoma (-7) over Florida State

Joe Friday 3: Tennessee (+12.5) over Oregon

Joe Friday 4: Alabama (-12) over Penn State


OBJ 1: Georgia (+3) over South Carolina
Why does South Carolina always give Georgia fits? Anyone outside the SEC should still watch this game. These two teams always make it interesting...

OBJ 2: Georgia/South Carolina OVER 46.5
...and usually low-scoring, too. The Gamecocks have an excellent defense and can finally stop the run this year, but Aaron Murray may just be the real deal.

OBJ 3: California (-8.5) over Colorado
Here's hoping I'm wrong on this one. A win for Colorado can only make the SEC look better after Georgia disgraces them in Boulder, especially with Tennessee inevitably awaiting an absolute drubbing in Neyland Stadium at the hands of Oregon this week.

OBJ 4: Rice (+3) over North Texas
Rice? It appears Rice is a Conference USA team with 5,000 students. Tuition is $33,120 and the school features a student body comprised of 40% minorities! Plus their campus is very pretty. Go Owls!

And now, for your viewing pleasure, the sponsors of Sue's Lock Box.

Bawlin' Cawlin' 09-03-10

They're ready. Are you?

College Football is back, and with it COMES...no, not raging keggers producing drunken co-eds like a Model-T factory line. Not the gorgeous weather that somehow manages to be both "warm" and "cool" simultaneously. Not the agonizingly painful but duty-bound 7:15 wake-up call for a nooner gameday after diligently attempting to 3-hour sleep off the night before. Nah, peeps! Bawlin' Cawlin's back in session!

First thing's first: to both of our readers out there, who have been awaiting our outlook on the Bulldogs' impending season like OBJ waiting to hear the latest America's Got Talent winners, wait no further. After talking myself into a possible SEC Championship game appearance last year with Mr. Joe Cox at our helm, I've managed to surpass those insanely unreasonable expectations this year. Can you say National Championship?

Good. But there's very likely no way in hell that's going to happen. Thinking that our redshirt freshman quarterback had every chance in the world to lead us to a BCS title game berth, Sue's decided to hook up with our friends at CollegeFootballReference.com. The results surprised me, but likely will not stir any of you: Dating back to 1999 (the beginning of the BCS), only one redshirt freshman quarterback led his team to a BCS Championship game. And that player is? Mike Vick. In losing to Florida State that year, Vick remains the only true redshirt freshman quarterback to take his team to the promise land.

"Okay, parade-rainer. Lowering expectations a bit, how 'bout just the SEC Championship game? That's definitely possible."

Sure it is, however very unlikely. Not a single true redshirt freshman quarterback has led his team to the SEC CG. Special consideration does go to Matt Mauck, who accepted an offer to LSU in 2000, was coached at the time by Nick Saban (the same coach who recruited him to play football at Michigan State three years earlier). Mauck was redshirted during the 2000 season, and saw limited action during the 2001 regular season. His first significant action came during the 2001 SEC CG, when he came off the bench to replace injured starting quarterback Rohan Davey. Mauck would run for two touchdowns, lead the underdog Tigers to a come-from-behind 31-20 victory over the heavily-favored Volunteers and become the single redshirt freshman quarterback to win the SEC CG. Still, it's not as if he started the whole season, or even that entire game. Plus, he was playing baseball for the Cubs for three years straight out of high school before attending his first collegiate practice, so we'll just call this a Mauck Addendum.

Now, Aaron Murray is no Matt Mauck, so perhaps it's still within the realm of reason that I expect the drought of Georgia's CG appearances to end this year. Also, Murray should be thankful he's no Matt Mauck, regardless if he joins him as a RSFQ to win the SEC CG: Mauck currently is enrolled at the University of Colorado School of Dentistry after failed attempts at playing professionally for the Cubs, Broncos, Titans and Jaguars. Hey, Tigers. I'm not Maucking you. He won two BCS championships, right?

So let's temper our enthusiasm a bit this year. I'm accepting nothing less than an SEC CG game appearance. Friday?

SJF's prediction of the season? Bulldogs will go 10-2

I see nothing wrong with this. We don't play LSU or Alabama in the West. South Carolina, always a tricky dicky, playing at home with more than a week to prepare, could definitely cause us problems. But other than that? A better-than-expected Auburn and Arkansas will make for great games, but I just don't see us having another mediocre season. I mean, no matter how much of it he gets from above, at some point Richt's gotta start missing the love, right?

In all honesty, I never thought we'd be here. The Bulldog Nation is truly one miserable season away from all-out recruiting efforts to find a new head coach. Admittedly I was naive, but I knew for sure Richt would be around for decades. I've been scoffing at his detractors for the past three years now, and if Sue's doesn't see something to root for - something to give us hope that we'll be anything other than that "aww gee shucks lookie they tried" SEC East also-ran - those murmurs may grow to unified calls, which will grow to loud, endless demands from the boosters, alumni and ticket buyers. I never thought this was possible, but ours could just be one of those voices.

Join us Tuesday when we run through Sue's Top 12. You may just be surprised with a few of the teams...

On to the picks!

Records
OBJ: 0-0
Joe Friday: 0-0

We've had airplane and Braves game tickets, booze and food up for grabs. What's it going to be this round?

Tune in next week.

Today's Picks
This will mark the first time I've wagered on College Football. Let's hope my prodigious talent for picking 65% winners continues.

Joe Friday 1: Virginia Tech (+2) over Boise State

Joe Friday 2: Oregon State (+13.5) over TCU

Joe Friday 3: Memphis (+22) over Mississippi State

Joe Friday 4: Florida/Miami of Ohio OVER 52.5

Joe Friday 5: LSU (-6.5) over UNC

OBJ 1: UGA/Louisiana Lafayette OVER 51.5
I imagine Georgia can score 45 points on Lafayette and graciously allow 10 points, right? RIGHT?! I suddenly regret this pick.

OBJ 2: Maryland (+6.5) over Navy
What the hell happened? Did Navy [re]turn to a powerhouse without me knowing it? Paul Johnson's doing his thing at Tech, ain't he?

I'll follow that with my obligatory, "if the ACC can't even handle this cupcake of a cover, they're off my board the rest of the year." Unless they're playing equally mediocre ACC teams.

OBJ 3: UCLA/Kansas State UNDER 44.5

OBJ 4: Michigan (-3) over UCONN

OBJ 5: Kentucky (-3) over Louisville

Let's get on that work, gentleman

Sue's Christmas List: 2008

Mirroring the desires of an entire nation, the following is what we here at Sue's really want the world's Christmas magic allocated to...

Note: Wishes were placed in order of desire and/or feasibility

Santa's little helper just got a little bigger...

10. Brett Favre announces his retirement. Nobody listens nor cares. After walking out of the Jets press room, heading out of the building and crossing the street, he immediately turns around, walks back towards the building and gets hit by a bus. Nobody stops nor cares. Listen. I don't wish any ill will upon anyone. But good God am I sick of Brett Favre. And I've only heard his name like 30 times in the past week. That's a huge drop-off from the average. As a matter of fact, I actually like aging superstars that don't have a snowcone's chance in hell of ever maintaining whatever semblance of actual (not to mention blown-out-of-proportion-by-fans) skill he/she may have had. Bring it on, Bonds! Just try it out in a shoot around, Mike! Keep swinging 'till you drop, Evander! But damnit. If you can't do it without annoying the entire nation - including a fan base that once worshipped you - then just go away.

Nobody {sniff} cares about me {sniff, sniff} anymore.

9. After seeing what the Yankees have been doing (and knowing what the Red Sox do), the Jays, deciding to do so before they cannot reciprocate any value from him, trade Roy Halladay. To the Braves. Look is this really that impossible? If I were the Blue Jays I would totally do this. Okay that's a complete fucking lie, but still. Would the Braves be a contender with this addition? No. Would they be more entertaining to watch? If you enjoy defensive pitching match-ups, then Yes. Every 4-5 days. But Dawc Halladay is the best pitcher in baseball right now, according to multiple sources of data compiled here at Sue's. Including 4 seasons worth of fantasy. I would try to see the Braves every time Dawc was on the mound. Hey, Blue Jays! Dawc's contract is up, soon! Don't you want some crappy prospects in exchange?

You need a change of scenery, yo

8. The return of The Rock for a solid year to the WWE. This may be the only way we can get SJF to be entertained by wrestling, folks. Also only thing that could allow Sue's to have interesting content about wrestling, or get me watching in earnest again. Otherwise, we may be looking at the total absence of wrestling at Sue's come '09.

Or you could play a gay folks singing wannabe actor opposite Travolta...

7. A Georgia win in the Capitol One Bowl. Your favorite team in one of the best bowls outside of a BCS bowl game and you only list this at #7? What gives, Sue's? Several reasons that this wish is ranked so low - lower than, say, even Florida winning their bowl game. For one, after the insane expectations of the preseason, this anticlimactic game would only marginally serve our broken spirits better if we win. At this point, I really don't think Dawg fans will weep too much for our season with a 9-4, rather than a 10-3. Then there's the irrational hope that a loss will compel our superstars to return for another season, not wanting to leave behind a legacy of mediocrity that could so easily be overcome by a new class of recruits one day. Hopefully, these boys want to be legends. But, more than anything, it's one game. The Hawks still have the rest of the season, and SEC Snobbery can go well into the '09 season with another dismantling in the BCS title game. The placement is accurate, I assure you.

Could this really be our lasting impression?

6. Another blowout in the BCS National Championship by an SEC team. 3rd in a row and fourth in six years dating back to LSU's 2003 Championship? Yes, please. Actually, I'm more concerned about Florida losing than I am about them not winning. If they win, you will hear about a week's worth of "And once again the SEC proves why there's so much talk about them being such a far superior conference, and why there are so many SEC Snobs." If they lose, you'll hear a month's worth of "The SEC was having a down year, and Florida got into this game on the merits of predetermined ideas about the conference. Perhaps USC should've been in the game?" In any case, any even that allows for SEC Snobbery to reach new heights receives Sue's stamp of approval.

5. The Atlanta Hawks to find a better bench. Perhaps the best starting five from several different standpoints, but that bench will not take you very far, if anywhere, come playoffs time (Note: DAP to the Baby Hawks for even having me speak about the playoffs as a foregone conclusion in December)

This, could be, an improvement.

4. The Atlanta Hawks to find a way to play up-tempo offense without sacrificing their much-improved D. You've got the athleticism, Hawks. Use it.

3. A drunken New Year's encounter with Miss SEC Poon USA. OBJ has a girlfriend and is very, very happy with her. However, there is no doubt that when confronted with the overwhelming slickness of the combined macking might of Runaround Sue's, Jammin's stellar wingman play and Friday's "Joe Cool" approach in the pocket would win poor Lane's heart quicker than spit drying on a Phoenix pavement in August.

Not sure where you're looking,
but you should be keeping one of those beautiful blues on Sue's.

2. Mathew Stafford to stay the fuck away from the NFL draft, for one more year. Matt, buddy, TRUST me, you don't want to play in Detriot. The city's about to implode on itself, probably by government design. Stay and you're the king. Leave and you're liable to be the 2nd or 3rd string quarterback for the Ravens in 3 years. Do you really want to move from Athens, to Detriot, to Baltimore??

Oooh, oh won't you STAYYYY...

1. Knowshon Moreno to stay the fuck away from the NFL draft, for one more year. Look hear, Knowshon. We all know you have what it takes to compete in the NFL. But do you really want to leave as a 2nd-round draft pick? Do you really want to leave without contending for a title? Without definitively being known as at least the second best running back in Georgia history? I know you already have that beautiful former Georgia gymnast girlfriend, but won't you miss the scenery?

Just, a little bit LONG-er.

Sobered Up - Week 15

***Foreword from OBJ:

Unfortunately, Jon Bon, sometimes we must.

Unless you're a Florida fan, this is a fairly depressing weekend in the world of sports. Now, primarily that's because the greatest sport there is, College Football, is winding down to a pitiful close. Perhaps if last year's season wasn't so epic, perhaps if Notre Dame sucking it up wasn't the best thing going for my season, perhaps if Georgia wasn't preseason-ranked #1 and going to a sure-to-be hungover as shit New Year's bowl - losing in embarrassing fashion in all three games where they failed to become the victor (sorry, but I think a supposed stud like Reshad Jones 1/2 tackling, 1/2 queefing Roddy Jones and allowing the game-securing touchdown was not only embarrassing, I think it was a perfect microcosm of the Dawgs' season), perhaps if there was another SEC team going to the Championship game for me to root for instead of the Gators, again, I don't know...maybe this season wouldn't seem like such an overwhelming disappointment. At least I get to look forward to another Notre Dame coach-shopping spree next year.

The most disconcerting element of the end of the season, of course, is the last full version of Sobered Up 2008. As noted below, it is very comforting to know that we have more fans than the ACC. Surely, you can look forward to the inevitable Elation/Crestfallen post when Knowshon and Stafford decide the fate of the 2009 Bulldogs in a month. Certainly a Bowlgasm or two, followed by whatever College Football talk we can conjure without the aid of an actual season in progress. Recruiting. The draft. [Sigh.]

While you will undoubtedly miss Sobered Up like the blanket that you carried around for 12 years as a child and now must leave behind, I assure you that we will miss you more. Be strong, my friends. Sobered Up will return, bigger and better than ever. See you then.***

You're probably looking at a short edition of Sobered Up, seeing as how there is very little to complain about/overanalyze regarding Georgia this week. Two weeks after Thanksgiving, and I am thankful for THAT.

Karma was a bitch for Ball State. After passing on the chance to play at Bosie State in the Humanitarian Bowl (and generate some legitimate interest in an otherwise lackluster bowl game for both teams), they go out and get stomped by Buffalo 45-24, leading to a chain of events where it appears Turner Gill is a front-runner for the Auburn job. The job Gill has done at Buffalo is absolutely impressive, but with only three years of head coaching experience in the MAC and a career best record of 8-5, I'm skeptical if he's ready for the life as an SEC coach. Espicially since the conference has lost it's damned mind.

That SEC championship game lived up to it's considerable hype, the Big 12 championship played out according to plan, and now we are looking at a BCS Championship where an over/under of 120 is a distinct possibility. I'm so ready for this game and cannot express in words how much I loathe the 40+ day break that assures at least one of these squads will be rusty as hell.

Pour one out for Alabama. Needing JP Wilson to air it out and win a game from behind was exactly the situation they successfully avoided all season, as well as the worst case scenario with the SEC title on the line. Still though, great season and bright future ahead for those guys, as they lose only 8 seniors (albeit some very important ones) after this season.

Whose fans are more disappointed with how their season played out, Georgia or Missouri? I have to go with Georgia here simply because I thought all this "Missouri National Title Contender" talk was insane to begin with. However, to an objective eye, perhaps the Georgia hype was equally ludicrous.

Not that they need motivation in the friggin BCS Championship, but I get the feeling all the Florida/SEC love and "SHOULD OKLAHOMA EVEN BE THERE" talk over the next month will play right into a convenient "NOBODY BELIEVED IN US" wheelhouse that seem to be all the rage for championship teams lately.

Annual shot of the ACC Championship's attendance woes, courtesy of Doc Saturday. That game really needs to be moved on-campus, or at the very least, to Charlotte. FSU/Miami fans will travel moreso than most of the teams in that conference (this assumes Clemson continues their in-conference mediocrity), but not so much that they will have to stop the buy-one-get-one-free promos.

Fans of Sues are unimpressed. And outnumber the attendance...

If Cincinatti is going to want to be taken seriously as a BCS program, needing a 4th quarter comeback to overcome a two TD deficit against an average Hawaii team is not the way to do it, time zone bitching notwithstanding.

And finally, congrats to the Wannestache, who lives to coach another year after leading Pitt to a solid 9-3 record and contention for the Big East crown, for whatever that's worth. For some reason, that program and coach just complete each other.

Now, the Sue's 10 and Mumme Poll extras:

1. Florida - This was inevitable, and they probably should have been here the last three weeks.

2. Texas - I get the arguments for Oklahoma, I appreciate the statistics, and I am not outraged that they are playing for the national title. That said, I simply place head-to-head matchups on a higher pedistal when comparing seemingly evenly matched teams. Texas' one "L" was a one-point loss on a crazy play to a Top 10 team on the road. Other than that, they haven't been much less impressive at all than Oklahoma. Ergo, if Sue's had a vote, Texas would be our #2.

3. Oklahoma

4. Alabammer

5. USC - I'd like to put Penn State here, but truth be told I'm expecting another USC Rose Bowl Romp.

6. Penn State - The Big 10 should really amend it's rule that all regular season games be done by Thanksgiving. Not only does it make its best teams wait 50+ days for a bowl, but these teams can totally fall off the consciousness of fans and voters. Note the tepid support for Penn State sneaking into the BCS picture compared to USC.

7. Texas Tech

8. Utah - Why is the Sugar Bowl becoming the de-facto "mid-major plays elite SEC team" bowl? How did this happen? Please tell me it has something to do with rotations and this won't be the case forever.

9. Ohio State

10. Oklahoma State

Mumme Extras: Sorry Cinci, you lose your spot for that piss poor performance on the islands. GaTech can hold their spot, and let's throw the ACC a bone (finally!) and give VaTech some love here as well.

S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C!

"She made brussel sprouts last night. They were surprisingly tender."

You're getting a sporadic liveblog of today's SEC Championship for no reason other than to get yesterday's abortion of a post off the top of this here page.

4:53pm- Alabama is leading 10-7 thanks to a great after-the-catch run from Julio Jones to set up a Glen Coffee teedee. I seriously can't remember the last time Florida was losing during a game. It might be possible Georgia lead them 3-0 or something, but I have effectively blocked that weekend and game out of my mind.

4:56- It ain't exactly time for Bammer fans to exhale yet, but JPW looks remarkably efficient thus far...3-4 for 79 yards, a tough run under pressure for a first down, and throwing the ball away when he needs to. Basically he's playing like he did against Georgia.

5:00- I was surprised how congenial my drunken conversations were last nite with Alabama and Florida fans, though I got to admit I am a bit perplexed with the looks of pity they gave me upon learning I was a Georgia fan. It was the same sympathetic look I would give someone who said they were a diehard Mississippi State fan. Luckily we were all able to bond over how great the SEC is.

5:03- Bama brings in a second string kicker...to run a fake field goal? What the hell? That was straight out the Les Miles playbook...if Miles had a retarted younger brother. Not sure what Saban was thinking there

5:05- In those ads for upcoming guests on Letterman/Leno, is the footage of "this week's guests" from old episodes? I've always wondered that but just assumed...

5:09- Tebow completes a long bomb to Riley Cooper to get inside Alabama's 10. The difference in breakaway speed between Percy Harvin and Florida's other receivers is quite noticible. Kinda like the difference between Pizza Hut, Papa Johns and fuckin' Dominos, whos pizza is really just dry bread, stale marinara and the occasional sploch of cheese. Their pizzas always have those enormous air bubbles that offer no flavor or enhance the pizza enjoyment process. Anyone who willingly orders a pie from Dominos is insane.

5:15- Florida ties it up at 10 with a field goal. Is it just me or does Florida go to Tebow juuuuuust a little too much near the goal line? I mean, I get that it works alot, but everyone...the other team, fans, coaches, announcers know its coming. Against good defenses, like Bama's, it's not nearly as effective it seems.

5:16- Saban and Meyer are both friends with Bill Belichick. No shit. Personality must be oozing from the room when those three get together.

5:21- Mmmmm...first post-hangover bong rip.

5:27- After Tebow gets stuffed twice inside the 10, he connects with David Nelson for a TD as a Bama safety just stands there. That was fun. We might hit the over by halftime.

5:29- Kinda pissed I didn't bet on UCLA to cover the 33.5. USC is definitely due for an underwhelming performance against a crappy Pac-10 team. It's been over two months.

5:36- Looks like Florida will head into halftime with a 17-10 lead. They're hitting JPW alot now and are containing their rushing attack as well....momentum is on their side right now....great. I'm so sick of seeing these fuckers win. Rammer Jammer (or whatever that is) for the next 30 minutes.

5:40- Oh sweet, its the Dr. Pepper championship day games. Two girls are throwing footballs into giant cans of Dr. Pepper with holes. One of the announcers comments "it's not necessary to try and throw a spiral since they're only 5-10 yards out." Umm, methinks that won't be a problem, yo.

5:43- By the way, last night's Hawks game made me extremely wary of this impending Dallas-SanAntonio-Houston trip. When the 3s ain't falling, that team has a tendency to look like an overmatched college team that just sits around chucking 3s for 40 minutes. Drew from Zaza's Playground points out that when the 3s aren't falling, dishing it inside to Big Al (or Smith if he feels like venturing down there on O) is a solid option. Beats the hell out of just isolating Joe and letting him do his thing (I swear last night I thought this was happening again). But whatever, I'm going to enjoy the hell out of this 12-6 record. It's fun to "read" the NBA Standings once again.

6:03- DAMN. What a weird interview with Saban before the second half. Dude seems livid/confused/frustrated regarding that fake kick debacle. Apparantly their kicker was poked in the eye and unable to kick. Makes sense...that call wasn't Saban-esque at all.

6:13- I will be very, very pleased if Georgia's offensive line resembles Alabama's in 2-3 years.

6:15- awwww, Wilson just overthrew Julio Jones in the endzone after having enough time in the backfield to make a sandwich and drink a beer. Burn that clock, Bama. Keep that Gators offense on the sideline.

6:20- With Jones and Glen Coffee visibly tired and on 2nd and 10, Meyer has to burn a timeout. Tough break for the Gators.

6:22- Two plays later, Bama punches it in. That O-Line just put on a clinic during this drive.

6:30- Florida can't capitalize on quick work by Tebow and Co. as Jonathan Phillips misses a field goal. I agree with Urban Meyer: I don't like field goals.

6:38- I was about to type that UF's defense looks ragged and tired, then they promptly knock Wilson down and force him to throw it away on third down. Field goal style.

6:42- A better live blog.

6:45- Ugh....just saw a bunch of groupshots of fat/drunk Florida and Bama fans. I think I'll stay away from Buckhead/Midtown tonight.

6:52- Florida inside Alabama's 5. Tebow time.

6:53- After one stuff on Tebow, Florida runs an option pitch to Jeff Demps for the easy TD. I ain't gonna lie...when executed perfectly, there ain't a more exciting play out there. Other than the David Greene special.

7:00- BLUE!

And once you begin delving into the YouTube portion of a liveblog, you know you got nothing left. I'm going to go watch the end of this SECgasm. Thank you for your time.

Sobered Up - Week 13

Welcome to a reestablished edition of Sobered Up, in which Sue's once again found ourselves where we should be on a Sunday evening: a nameless establishment, drinking beer, half-paying attention to the NFL while deeply discussing College Football. It's wonderful to not enjoy the NFL compared to College Football to the degree that Thomas Davis running down your home team's running back is the most exciting play you observe. Some guys you just always root for. Thomas Davis is definitely one of them. I don't care if "my" favorite NFL team (Saints? Falcons?) was in the Super Bowl, I would cheer for a player like Davis to lay out my team's best receiver. This is not exaggeration.

Georgia's disappointing season should do well to help me get over the end of this season and look towards the next. This is what I am hoping.

Coincidence that your initials are TD?

As an introduction to our upcoming Too Many Teams! Too Lofty the Expectations! Only 10 Spots! post, Sue would like to firmly state that Notre Dame needs to recalibrate their expectations. People don't want to play for your school. Hell, most of the nation even holds disdain for you. Sue is friends with many a Catholic, and not one of them root for Notre Dame. You're like the dude that used to be the coolest kid in town, but now you just sit at the same old bar, playing the same music on the Jukebox (I'm thinking Astley), smoking your Marlboro Lights and hitting on any girl that comes in utilizing your bourbon breath and double vision. Oh, and you're pathetically single. Nobody wants you, aging hipster stuck in the old days. Your first step towards reestablishing any semblance of relevance resides in joining a BCS conference. So, good luck with that. Oh, and hey Irish fans. Way to throw snowballs at your own football team. You stay classy, South Bend.

A quick question to Urban "LaBeouf" Meyer: four years ago when you argued that any team that goes undefeated should play in the national championship, how do you now reason through your Gators being more deserving than undefeated Utah? Just wondering.

With Georgia Blech coming at us with the impending expectancy of a locomotive careening into a parked car (or, more aptly a small, buzzing insect beelining into a glass door), a quick question to Tech fans: would you rather beat Georgia in your season-ending instate rivalry, or play in the ACC Championship game with a laughable opportunity at a BCS game? I think you would rather play in the ACC Championship game, but likely because of the novelty of actually having a Championship game and expecting some sort of satisfaction (which you hopefully wouldn't receive, leaving you feeling empty), rather than the millions you'd receive from a possible BCS berth. But what do I know. The mentality of the Georgia Tech football fan is dispassionate at best, fair-weather to be sure.

And the ACC Crapfest Game of the Week Award returns! With so many awful games to choose from, the winner of the biggest loser is...all of you! Blech slamming pitiful Miami 41-23 on a Thursday night? NC State blowing out ranked (???) UNC 41-10? And let's not forget the most loveable of the losers Maryland, who proved once and for all that no team wants to visit Jacksonville when the only excuse is an ACC Championship game, losing their divisional lead in a 37-3 wipeout to Florida State. Why do I keep picking you, Terrapins? I won't even attempt to discuss Clemson 13, Virginia 3. All eight of you teams deserve a 12.5% share of the Crapfest Award this week. For you all equally contributed to another forgettable weekend in ACC Football. Congratulations!

Prepare yourself for another epic ACC barnburner. At least this time hotel owners won't be left feeling cheated. This excellence in mediocrity is now fully consistent.

Georgia - Georgia Blech on the horizon, along with bloated bellies and even more forgettable NFL Thanksgiving football (I'm looking at you, Deeetroit). On to Sue's Top 10/Mumme Poll!

1. Alabama - Like Georgia, looked very solid against a well-rounded bye.
2. Florida - Disagree all you want that they shouldn't be here. But you cannot disagree that Florida is playing football at least as good as anyone in the country right now.
3. Texas - Sue is torn right down the middle between Oklahoma and Texas deserving this spot. Tough call, and even more difficult is the realization that Sgt. Friday's declaration months ago that the Big 12 is stronger than the SEC this year is absolutely spot-on.
4. Oklahoma - If you look as good against Okie State as you did Saturday night, you should jump Texas, even if they beat you. Unfair, but then that's the College Football landscape for you. At least you're not undefeated Auburn getting NO love.
5. Southern California - Memo from Friday: Bill Plaschke makes an excellent point in this article. I'll spare you having to click the link and try and wade through a cesspool of awful puns, nonsensical metaphors and craptastic sentence structure; but basically, Ole Bill points out that USC should be cheering for Oregon State to win on Saturday and spare the Trojans their fourth Rose Bowl in six years. The whole nation thinks USC is in a weak-ass conference, and it has affected their ranking this year. Getting the opportunity to play and possibly beat an SEC or Big 12 power would go a long way toward making voters and fans think that USC can compete with any team, in any conference, in any venue. Beating up on Big 10 schools just doesn't give college football nuts a hard-on anymore.
6. Penn State - Congratulations, Penn State! You have ascended back to national relevance while surfing a wussy wave of weak Big 10 teams, your 137-year old coach is coming back and fired up about a new lazy-boy he's installing in the press box to watch you, and your back in the Rose Bowl! Your reward? (Possibly) A team you've already destroyed 45-14! Welcome back.
7. Texas Tech - Sue wanted to drop you even further, but we couldn't find a team to jump you. Watch your back, Red Raiders. Oh, and I'd just go ahead and spend your Black Friday searching out the best deal for a new bed set. I wouldn't even try to wash that shit out. (Friday again: Crabtree is still my pick for Heism--- eh, couldn't do it. Give it to Crabs, Bradford, Tebow, McCoy or damn near anyone on USC's D...fine choices all around)
8. Utah - Unbelievable, but they've earned it.
9. Oklahoma State - Always rooting for the underdog, you'll have me firmly standing against my mother's alma mater for the second week in a row. Not that I think you have a chance in hell.
10. Ohio State - THE Ohio State, I guess, can have the 10 spot.

Remainder of the Mumme Poll - Georgia and Missouri completes the same Top 12 Sue's has had for the last three weeks. I guess you could say Sue knew what was up...