Sobered Up - Final Mumme Poll

Final thoughts on a 2009 College Football season gone horribly awry, as expressed through a medium known as the Mumme Poll:

***Foreword by OBJ

The dust has settled. The chalk lines will fade into the wintry earth. Impassioned millions everywhere will find emptiness on Saturdays. The snap counts will fade into echoes. Team logos will only be found on the oldest of Coke 12-packs. Coaches, some inexplicably, will remain safe in their jobs for a few short months.

The 2008-2009 College Football season is over, my friends. It is time to find a constructive alternative for our energies. Perhaps a hobby? Sue's would just like to thank all of you for joining us on our journey through the season. Hawks talk and soon, unfortunately, Braves talk will dominate the pages of Sue's in the months to come.

I have a feeling about the 2009 season. Not necessarily that it will hold a title waiting in the warm bosom of the promise of a new season for Georgia, but that it will be demonstrably more exciting for fans of nearly all teams. Hope springs eternal, and come Spring, we'll have another eternal season starting fresh with rosters fleshing out and Spring games popping up everywhere.

We'll see you then.***

1. Florida - This news is espicially disconcerting. However, the good news is there's no fucking chance in hell Brandon Spikes and Percy Harvin don't go pro. Tebow's third-round ass can talk that up all he wants, but they gone. Whatever. There's been some discussion on Georgia blogs whether or not a Dawg fan should cheer for Florida due to SEC pride, and even as someone who loves loves loves a good S-E-C chant, I still found myself rooting for Oklahoma last night. I'm just sick of this school winning national titles. Still though, excellent performance by the Florida defense in the 2nd half adjusting to Oklahoma's hurry-up offense; and as could be expected, Tebow, Harvin and the Florida OL made the necessary plays to seal the victory in the final 30 minutes.

2. Texas - I don't think they would have faired any better than the Sooners last night, but they should have been there. Now, the question is, should college football implement a playoff system of some...just playin', not going there. And I wish the media wouldn't either. "An 8-team playoff played at the bowl sites would solve all the...." Oh really doctor, I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE! WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA! I HAVEN'T HEARD EVERY FUCKING PLAYOFF SCENARIO POSSIBLE OVER THE LAST 15 YEARS AND HOW GREAT THEY WOULD WORK! PLEASE EXPLAIN FURTHER. As long as the ACC and Big East are around, we will never get a fair playoff system. Deal with it.

3. Utah - Again, SEC snobbery is on the backburner this year. Why isn't Kyle Wittingham getting more looks from big time programs with head coach openings? Does he have a black or Asian wife I don't know about?

4. Oklahoma - With their 5th consecutive loss in a BCS bowl, and third straight in a BCS championship game, are these guys going to start getting the Ohio State no-benefit-of-the-doubt treatment? As long as they continue to play a legit regular season schedule, I don't think so, but it will at least be in folks' minds moving forward.

5. USC - These guys have no claim to the national title, period. They lost to Oregon State, Utah beat OSU a couple weeks later. Try not to lose to Washington next year, yo.

6. Alabama - Sure, Saban has these guys on the uptick, and they'll be a national power for awhile, but next year, with the loss of six valuable seniors and team MVP Andre Smith, expect a SEC-tastic 9-4-ish dropoff next season. Did any other UGA fans get visions of West Virginia while watching Utah start throwing haymakers from the opening kickoff in the Sugar Bowl?

7. Penn State - What's with all the controversy/discussion over JoePa's 3-year extension? First of all, if Charlie Weis or Tommy Bowden coached a team to the Rose Bowl, they'd get an 80-year extension. Just because of this year's success, the extension is warranted. Second, HE'S NOT THE FUCKING COACH ANYMORE. He's a figurehead. Kinda like the Queen of England. Keeping this old man with name-brand recognition around is a good thing for this program. Nice year by these guys, and way to make everyone forget about that ugly offseason.

8. Ohio State - Only three losses, all to teams above them on this list, and only one was a blowout! You know how impressive a feat that is given the offense Jim Tressel runs? It's almost like he's trying to honor Lloyd Carr's legacy out there.

9. TCU - Uncle. I've avoided putting these guys or Boise ahead of many BCS powers all year long, but with only two quality losses all year (Oklahoma, Utah) and a well-coached come from behind win in the Holiday Bowl vs. Boise State, I can snub no more. I will also conveniently ignore the fact that their next best win was against a vastly overrated BYU team.

10. Georgia - Please peep OBJ's thoughts on Black Wednesday (which was followed by Black Thursday, and Black Thursday Night). I agree with most everything he said, and it's time to move forward. Remember the good times. Live in the now. All that bullshit. I won't bother to re-hash everything that has been said about those two, but I will say, I never, ever, ever want to read another fucking article like this about a Dawg. I'd love to go line-by-line and list all the things that pissed me off about that article, but that would be a waste of time. Instead, I will choose to watch and re-watch that final TD from the Cap One bowl that the Senator aptly dubbed "bittersweet" until I am numb and my brain is physically unable to process "if only"-type thoughts.

Mumme extras: Virginia Tech, for upholding the proud tradition of 4-loss conference champions everywhere and leaving everyone clamoring for all ACC-Big East bowl teams to play each other off a remote island somewhere off the coast of Guam; and Ole Miss, because, well, they beat up on Texas Tech, which showed their true stripes about two months later than I thought they would. Something tells me in 3-4 years that Mike Leach will regret not jumping ship (no pun intended) while the iron was hot. How's that for a screwed up metaphor?

Sobered Up - Week 15

***Foreword from OBJ:

Unfortunately, Jon Bon, sometimes we must.

Unless you're a Florida fan, this is a fairly depressing weekend in the world of sports. Now, primarily that's because the greatest sport there is, College Football, is winding down to a pitiful close. Perhaps if last year's season wasn't so epic, perhaps if Notre Dame sucking it up wasn't the best thing going for my season, perhaps if Georgia wasn't preseason-ranked #1 and going to a sure-to-be hungover as shit New Year's bowl - losing in embarrassing fashion in all three games where they failed to become the victor (sorry, but I think a supposed stud like Reshad Jones 1/2 tackling, 1/2 queefing Roddy Jones and allowing the game-securing touchdown was not only embarrassing, I think it was a perfect microcosm of the Dawgs' season), perhaps if there was another SEC team going to the Championship game for me to root for instead of the Gators, again, I don't know...maybe this season wouldn't seem like such an overwhelming disappointment. At least I get to look forward to another Notre Dame coach-shopping spree next year.

The most disconcerting element of the end of the season, of course, is the last full version of Sobered Up 2008. As noted below, it is very comforting to know that we have more fans than the ACC. Surely, you can look forward to the inevitable Elation/Crestfallen post when Knowshon and Stafford decide the fate of the 2009 Bulldogs in a month. Certainly a Bowlgasm or two, followed by whatever College Football talk we can conjure without the aid of an actual season in progress. Recruiting. The draft. [Sigh.]

While you will undoubtedly miss Sobered Up like the blanket that you carried around for 12 years as a child and now must leave behind, I assure you that we will miss you more. Be strong, my friends. Sobered Up will return, bigger and better than ever. See you then.***

You're probably looking at a short edition of Sobered Up, seeing as how there is very little to complain about/overanalyze regarding Georgia this week. Two weeks after Thanksgiving, and I am thankful for THAT.

Karma was a bitch for Ball State. After passing on the chance to play at Bosie State in the Humanitarian Bowl (and generate some legitimate interest in an otherwise lackluster bowl game for both teams), they go out and get stomped by Buffalo 45-24, leading to a chain of events where it appears Turner Gill is a front-runner for the Auburn job. The job Gill has done at Buffalo is absolutely impressive, but with only three years of head coaching experience in the MAC and a career best record of 8-5, I'm skeptical if he's ready for the life as an SEC coach. Espicially since the conference has lost it's damned mind.

That SEC championship game lived up to it's considerable hype, the Big 12 championship played out according to plan, and now we are looking at a BCS Championship where an over/under of 120 is a distinct possibility. I'm so ready for this game and cannot express in words how much I loathe the 40+ day break that assures at least one of these squads will be rusty as hell.

Pour one out for Alabama. Needing JP Wilson to air it out and win a game from behind was exactly the situation they successfully avoided all season, as well as the worst case scenario with the SEC title on the line. Still though, great season and bright future ahead for those guys, as they lose only 8 seniors (albeit some very important ones) after this season.

Whose fans are more disappointed with how their season played out, Georgia or Missouri? I have to go with Georgia here simply because I thought all this "Missouri National Title Contender" talk was insane to begin with. However, to an objective eye, perhaps the Georgia hype was equally ludicrous.

Not that they need motivation in the friggin BCS Championship, but I get the feeling all the Florida/SEC love and "SHOULD OKLAHOMA EVEN BE THERE" talk over the next month will play right into a convenient "NOBODY BELIEVED IN US" wheelhouse that seem to be all the rage for championship teams lately.

Annual shot of the ACC Championship's attendance woes, courtesy of Doc Saturday. That game really needs to be moved on-campus, or at the very least, to Charlotte. FSU/Miami fans will travel moreso than most of the teams in that conference (this assumes Clemson continues their in-conference mediocrity), but not so much that they will have to stop the buy-one-get-one-free promos.

Fans of Sues are unimpressed. And outnumber the attendance...

If Cincinatti is going to want to be taken seriously as a BCS program, needing a 4th quarter comeback to overcome a two TD deficit against an average Hawaii team is not the way to do it, time zone bitching notwithstanding.

And finally, congrats to the Wannestache, who lives to coach another year after leading Pitt to a solid 9-3 record and contention for the Big East crown, for whatever that's worth. For some reason, that program and coach just complete each other.

Now, the Sue's 10 and Mumme Poll extras:

1. Florida - This was inevitable, and they probably should have been here the last three weeks.

2. Texas - I get the arguments for Oklahoma, I appreciate the statistics, and I am not outraged that they are playing for the national title. That said, I simply place head-to-head matchups on a higher pedistal when comparing seemingly evenly matched teams. Texas' one "L" was a one-point loss on a crazy play to a Top 10 team on the road. Other than that, they haven't been much less impressive at all than Oklahoma. Ergo, if Sue's had a vote, Texas would be our #2.

3. Oklahoma

4. Alabammer

5. USC - I'd like to put Penn State here, but truth be told I'm expecting another USC Rose Bowl Romp.

6. Penn State - The Big 10 should really amend it's rule that all regular season games be done by Thanksgiving. Not only does it make its best teams wait 50+ days for a bowl, but these teams can totally fall off the consciousness of fans and voters. Note the tepid support for Penn State sneaking into the BCS picture compared to USC.

7. Texas Tech

8. Utah - Why is the Sugar Bowl becoming the de-facto "mid-major plays elite SEC team" bowl? How did this happen? Please tell me it has something to do with rotations and this won't be the case forever.

9. Ohio State

10. Oklahoma State

Mumme Extras: Sorry Cinci, you lose your spot for that piss poor performance on the islands. GaTech can hold their spot, and let's throw the ACC a bone (finally!) and give VaTech some love here as well.

Sobered Up - Week 14

Shoot me now. Hey Plaxico...

Well, my feelings from last night remain very much intact, so let's take a quick trip through the dawgosphere in search of more coherent, intelligent analysis on yesterday's debacle that isn't interspersed with Hawks-Wizards notes:

Mackalicious searches for a silver lining and wonders why we didn't try an onside kick with 4 minutes left. A fair question, sure. Unfortunately, our kickoff and kick return teams make our defense seem as efficient and disciplined as the '85 Bears D; so trusting Blair Walsh and Co. to properly execute an onside kick is somehow more improbable than asking the D go force Tech 3 and out. Pick your poison at that point.

I love Richt's loyalty toward Willie Martinez in the press, I really do. I truly believe that the way he deflects blame off players and assistants makes them love the guy and want to go to war for him. However, if Martinez isn't gone after this year, I've got to wonder if that "loyalty" isn't really "stubbornness" under disguise.

Searching for a break from the Martinez-bashing material (hey, our special teams has sucked just as bad...), I went to the eternally optimistic Dawg Sports...whereupon I found this damming fact:

• During the four years in which Brian VanGorder served as Georgia’s defensive coordinator (2001-2004), the Bulldogs lost ten games. In those ten games, the ‘Dawgs scored nine, ten, 17, 16, 13, ten, 13, 13, 14, and six points, respectively.



• During the four years in which Willie Martinez has served as Georgia’s defensive coordinator (2005-2008), the Bulldogs have lost twelve games. In those twelve games, the ‘Dawgs scored ten, 30, 35, 33, 22, 14, 20, twelve, 14, 30, ten, and 42 points, respectively.

Ouch.

As usual, Paul Westerdawg says it all. Really not much to add to that. I do however, believe in Richt's ability to see the problems with his program and make the necessary adjustments he hadn't been able to in the past. Maybe I am being blindly optimistic, but I do believe in the guy.

Yeah, the injuries have hurt, but it's time to stop blaming them and focusing on the the problems with the talented players that actually were out there on the field missing assignments all year.

Anyways, that pretty much covers yesterday afternoon in Athens. We'll see what is done this offseason, and I still look forward to the bowl game; but, needless to say, I'm ready to move on to football that took place outside the state of Georgia this weekend.

No need to prolong the drama: Texas gets Sue's nod over Oklahoma in our Top 10/Mumme Poll, as discussed over a 20-minute long cross-country phone call this afternoon that, now that I think about it, didn't even utter a word about the Georgia game. Here's our thinking: you can look at margin of victory, strength of schedule, recent results etc. etc. etc. The bottom line is this: we approach our Top 10 rankings as a way of saying "On a neutral field, who would win?" Texas beat Oklahoma on a neutral field. Period. They remain impressive in victory, and their one loss was on the road in a hostile environment on an INSANE fluke play that if Harrell/Crabtree tried again they could not replicate (still though- that was awesome and Crabtree owns for that one). I understand and realize the other factors are important. I just don't think it jumps a head-to-head result on a neutral field.

Sad to see Sylvester Croom go. One could never really get a solid read on whether or not the guy was a good coach. His players were Conference USA-caliber, he inherited probation, and a bowl season qualified as a splendid season in Starkville. I could easily see Croom becoming an effective coordinator at an SEC school or a head coach at another institution...

...Just not Clemson, which has made Dabo Swinney their coach on a permanent basis. Swinney apprenticed well under former boss Terry Bowden, learning how to juuuuust keep his job with a strong finish to the regular season and a 31-14 drubbing of South Carolina (who, for all the progress they've made in the SEC lately, are 1-6 in their last seven against the Tigers...you figure two mediocre programs would match up a bit more closely over that stretch). Call me crazy, but I don't see a marked improvement over the 7-5, 8-4 seasons that have become the norm in Death Valley.

One final coaching note: I'm not sure what to make of Lane Kiffin's hiring at Tennessee. Part of me wants to point out that this guy has accomplished nothing, and his most notable coaching experience includes presiding over a stacked offense that Norm Chow developed. On the other hand, he is looking at bringing in his dad, standout NFL Defensive Coordinator Monte Kiffin, to coach the defense (likely) and former USC buddy Ed Orgeron to handle recruiting duties (less likely). That is the type of hiring package that can pump up a fan base and/or recruits.

I think the Kiffin hiring has more homerun potential than a Mike Leach hiring, even if Leach was the safer choice. (Personally, I would have handed Butch Davis a blank check) My favorite part of the above link from Rocky Top Talk is the rumor that Brian Kelly backed down from the Tennesse interest because the Notre Dame job might open up. Have fun with that, buddy.

Once he gets the Dicks out from under the center's ass, Bobby Petrino has a good shot at making Arkansas a legit contender, year-in-year-out, in the SEC West. You knew this season was going to be a struggle, and Houston Nutt's success at Ole Miss (albeit with Orgeron's stout recruits) has burned, but Petrino has that program headed in the right direction. A victory over LSU ain't what it was in years past, but you take what you can get with that roster.

Also, if you are a blue chip QB recruit and you want to playing time ASAP in a power conference where you will appear on national TV multiple times a season, verbally commit to LSU. Like today. This second.

Georgia Tech 45 UGA 42
Clemson 31 South Carolina 14
Wake Forest 23 Vandy 10

Never thought I'd say this, but I was thankful for yet another Florida victory over FSU this weekend. SEC Snobbery won't return until next year, folks. (Or at least until a 8-0 record in bowl games...)

Onto Sue's 10 + Mumme Poll extras:

1. Alabama - Dominated their in-state rival the way a #1 team should. As for Georgia...nevermind. Also, memo to Auburn: Don't. Fire. Tubs.

2. Florida - For one day (Saturday), SEC Snobbery might be back in play. This is your national title game, yo.

3. Texas - See above.

4. Oklahoma - It's a moot point since they finished higher than Texas and will beat play Mizzou for the right to go to the National Championship, but if OU/Tex trips up on the B12 championship, I have no problem with the other making the BCS Championship Game. Conference championship be damned.

5. USC - Like I mentioned last week, they should have been pulling for Oregon State to avoid yet another Rose Bowl, but still...

6. Penn State - ...USC/Penn State makes for a nice matchup...at least on paper, until USC pulls away by three touchdowns in the second quarter.

7. Texas Tech - Looked crappy against Baylor, was it because of a letdown....oh nevermind, their QB was playing with one and a half hands and a bunch of broken bones. Props to you Graham Harrell...that you were able to bring the Red Raiders back with your busted appendages, with a conference championship hanging in the balance, is very impressive no matter the opponent.

8. Utah - blah blah jibber jabber Boise State doesn't deserve a BCS bowl.

9. Ohio State - Looks like they'll be in the BCS again. Let's hope for the Sugar Bowl to play the SEC runner-up.

10. Oklahoma State - Jeez...can someone in the Big 12 get a friggin' defense? They'd automatically become the conference's best team. These guys were damn near scoring at will on the alleged #3 team in the nation. And yes, I am terrified of UGA's impending trip to Stillwater next year.

Mumme Extras: For the first time all year, Georgia has to drop off our ballot. I still don't see the Boise State/TCU/Ball State triumvirate as better than the Dawgs, but I'd definitely take a look at Cincinnati and (UGGGGGGGGGH!) Georgia Tech for the final two slots.

Fuck a preseason ranking.

Sobered Up - Week 13

Welcome to a reestablished edition of Sobered Up, in which Sue's once again found ourselves where we should be on a Sunday evening: a nameless establishment, drinking beer, half-paying attention to the NFL while deeply discussing College Football. It's wonderful to not enjoy the NFL compared to College Football to the degree that Thomas Davis running down your home team's running back is the most exciting play you observe. Some guys you just always root for. Thomas Davis is definitely one of them. I don't care if "my" favorite NFL team (Saints? Falcons?) was in the Super Bowl, I would cheer for a player like Davis to lay out my team's best receiver. This is not exaggeration.

Georgia's disappointing season should do well to help me get over the end of this season and look towards the next. This is what I am hoping.

Coincidence that your initials are TD?

As an introduction to our upcoming Too Many Teams! Too Lofty the Expectations! Only 10 Spots! post, Sue would like to firmly state that Notre Dame needs to recalibrate their expectations. People don't want to play for your school. Hell, most of the nation even holds disdain for you. Sue is friends with many a Catholic, and not one of them root for Notre Dame. You're like the dude that used to be the coolest kid in town, but now you just sit at the same old bar, playing the same music on the Jukebox (I'm thinking Astley), smoking your Marlboro Lights and hitting on any girl that comes in utilizing your bourbon breath and double vision. Oh, and you're pathetically single. Nobody wants you, aging hipster stuck in the old days. Your first step towards reestablishing any semblance of relevance resides in joining a BCS conference. So, good luck with that. Oh, and hey Irish fans. Way to throw snowballs at your own football team. You stay classy, South Bend.

A quick question to Urban "LaBeouf" Meyer: four years ago when you argued that any team that goes undefeated should play in the national championship, how do you now reason through your Gators being more deserving than undefeated Utah? Just wondering.

With Georgia Blech coming at us with the impending expectancy of a locomotive careening into a parked car (or, more aptly a small, buzzing insect beelining into a glass door), a quick question to Tech fans: would you rather beat Georgia in your season-ending instate rivalry, or play in the ACC Championship game with a laughable opportunity at a BCS game? I think you would rather play in the ACC Championship game, but likely because of the novelty of actually having a Championship game and expecting some sort of satisfaction (which you hopefully wouldn't receive, leaving you feeling empty), rather than the millions you'd receive from a possible BCS berth. But what do I know. The mentality of the Georgia Tech football fan is dispassionate at best, fair-weather to be sure.

And the ACC Crapfest Game of the Week Award returns! With so many awful games to choose from, the winner of the biggest loser is...all of you! Blech slamming pitiful Miami 41-23 on a Thursday night? NC State blowing out ranked (???) UNC 41-10? And let's not forget the most loveable of the losers Maryland, who proved once and for all that no team wants to visit Jacksonville when the only excuse is an ACC Championship game, losing their divisional lead in a 37-3 wipeout to Florida State. Why do I keep picking you, Terrapins? I won't even attempt to discuss Clemson 13, Virginia 3. All eight of you teams deserve a 12.5% share of the Crapfest Award this week. For you all equally contributed to another forgettable weekend in ACC Football. Congratulations!

Prepare yourself for another epic ACC barnburner. At least this time hotel owners won't be left feeling cheated. This excellence in mediocrity is now fully consistent.

Georgia - Georgia Blech on the horizon, along with bloated bellies and even more forgettable NFL Thanksgiving football (I'm looking at you, Deeetroit). On to Sue's Top 10/Mumme Poll!

1. Alabama - Like Georgia, looked very solid against a well-rounded bye.
2. Florida - Disagree all you want that they shouldn't be here. But you cannot disagree that Florida is playing football at least as good as anyone in the country right now.
3. Texas - Sue is torn right down the middle between Oklahoma and Texas deserving this spot. Tough call, and even more difficult is the realization that Sgt. Friday's declaration months ago that the Big 12 is stronger than the SEC this year is absolutely spot-on.
4. Oklahoma - If you look as good against Okie State as you did Saturday night, you should jump Texas, even if they beat you. Unfair, but then that's the College Football landscape for you. At least you're not undefeated Auburn getting NO love.
5. Southern California - Memo from Friday: Bill Plaschke makes an excellent point in this article. I'll spare you having to click the link and try and wade through a cesspool of awful puns, nonsensical metaphors and craptastic sentence structure; but basically, Ole Bill points out that USC should be cheering for Oregon State to win on Saturday and spare the Trojans their fourth Rose Bowl in six years. The whole nation thinks USC is in a weak-ass conference, and it has affected their ranking this year. Getting the opportunity to play and possibly beat an SEC or Big 12 power would go a long way toward making voters and fans think that USC can compete with any team, in any conference, in any venue. Beating up on Big 10 schools just doesn't give college football nuts a hard-on anymore.
6. Penn State - Congratulations, Penn State! You have ascended back to national relevance while surfing a wussy wave of weak Big 10 teams, your 137-year old coach is coming back and fired up about a new lazy-boy he's installing in the press box to watch you, and your back in the Rose Bowl! Your reward? (Possibly) A team you've already destroyed 45-14! Welcome back.
7. Texas Tech - Sue wanted to drop you even further, but we couldn't find a team to jump you. Watch your back, Red Raiders. Oh, and I'd just go ahead and spend your Black Friday searching out the best deal for a new bed set. I wouldn't even try to wash that shit out. (Friday again: Crabtree is still my pick for Heism--- eh, couldn't do it. Give it to Crabs, Bradford, Tebow, McCoy or damn near anyone on USC's D...fine choices all around)
8. Utah - Unbelievable, but they've earned it.
9. Oklahoma State - Always rooting for the underdog, you'll have me firmly standing against my mother's alma mater for the second week in a row. Not that I think you have a chance in hell.
10. Ohio State - THE Ohio State, I guess, can have the 10 spot.

Remainder of the Mumme Poll - Georgia and Missouri completes the same Top 12 Sue's has had for the last three weeks. I guess you could say Sue knew what was up...

Sobered Up - Week 12

Never too early to look ahead to Tech

Well, well, well. Look where we are, fellas. 9-2 with another at-least-ten win season staring us right in the face. Beat our growing-on-me every day in-state rivals, and we're staring down 11 wins. Fail to do that and we get another chance at 10 in whichever crappy bowl game we skulk into. Informed Dawg fans knew we were looking at a two-loss season. We were hoping for one.

Take this Auburn "win" for example. Just shoddy all over the fucking place, guys. The worst tackling I've seen since becoming a Georgia fan, narrowly beating out the WVU Sugar Bowl. A last second touchdown-pass-that-wasn't that couldn't been Auburns' Michael Johnson had they caught it. The one bright spot, other than the notch in the "W" column, was once again Knowshon. I know you've been waiting for it, Knowshon, so here's Sue's advice: don't go to the NFL. Please. It's what's best for you. With your 22 carries for 131 yards, your butt will just be another target for bench splinters. So, with your additional 4 receptions for 58 yards and a TD, just come back to us. Don't make me start singing Boyz II Men. you Da Main, Knowshon.

But if I could have told you that we were 9-2 heading into rivalry weekend, going 3-1 in the brutal road stretch that was the last four weeks, you probably wouldn't have been too upset. Of course that was before UT and Auburn decided to blow each other rather than practice football, but the point remains. Georgia is still an exceptional program. Judging by Sue's collective thoughts as well as the pervasive mentality throughout the blogosphere, it is virtually universally agreed that the problems inherent in Georgia are immediately fixable. We don't have a lack of talent - we have a lack of utilization of that talent. Is a coaching change necessary? Possibly. These players should not be unmotivated at any time. They should be crushing folk. And these penalties? I used to cringe at Georgia's tackling methods over the past decade or so...it always seemed that two to three Dawgs on D would come running in, full force and head-first on a play that was clearly dead, a player that was clearly down. Several late hits called during these times. But I would KILL [a Georgia Tech fan] for those days. Solid tackling AND penalties that were actually worth a damn? Sign me the fuck up!

But these are thoughts better left to CMR. We need an immediate fix for the now. Look, Georgia is way more talented than Vandy, UK or Auburn. We should have destroyed those teams. If Georgia comes out looking lackadaiscal with poor tackling against Tech, there's a very good chance we could lose. We're talking about the folks with the Perfect Option here, people!

This would work immensely better if they weren't
taking themselves so gosh darn seriously.

If you think Dawg fans are walking lethargic avenue now, see what happens if we lose against Georgia Blech. As the good Senator aptly points out, while Florida is generally considered amongst the most passionate and informed Dawgs to be the biggest game of the year, Blech is definitely the game we most hate to lose. Perhaps that's because GT plays in the horrid ACC which is a huge bitch slap to lose to, or perhaps an entire generation of fans is used to having our asses handed to us for a Halloween present by now. Either way, Dogs, stop worrying about that now-LONG-gone #1 ranking and Finish. The Fucking. Drill. Hey, maybe you can even pull the 'ol 'Walking with the football haphazardly shielded by the QB's sternum' play action out of retirement. I can't remember any time it didn't work...

Can't let Georgia Blech be the only team with a vid, can we?

And in a follow-up to last week's MNF address on the state of College Football, 'Bammer reiterated his platform on Sunday's 60 minutes, meaning a considerable 1.37% of football's target demographic was tuned in. Quick to answer was John Swofford, BCS coordinator, who essentially congratulated Obama and then told him to suck an egg. 'Bammer said he would "Throw [his] weight around a little [because] it's the right thing to do" to which the BCS responded blah blah blah blah. Ugh and sigh. Look 'Bammer. Let me make it easy for you: Bush stepping in and demanding something be done about steroids in baseball = good, useful (although it shouldn't have been - we'd like to think that MLB would have gotten it under control but can you honestly say they would have without the push?) and at least plausibly relevant due to Bush's former positions. Namely, owner of a MLB team. On the other hand, you pushing hard, twice in a week, for a college football playoff = pointless, arrogant and completely useless. You're not going to do anything, Barack. The system will change when a better one is discovered. Period. Oh, and a quick suggestion. Why don't you throw your weight in the general direction of our FRIGGIN' economy? I got bills for shit I don't even KNOW about, man! I got friends still trudging in the Middle East. Why the hell are you even talking about fucking college football!?

And Louisville is 5-5, everybody! Hey Loo-ie, how in the hell can you suck SO bad that you're 1-4 in the Big East?! Everything Petrino built for your program is lying in wreckage all over your campus. And with Rutgers and West Virgina coming up, the Cardinals have a very good chance of going 5-7 with a 1-6 conference record. You know, you really should have known better when you hired someone named "Kragthorpe." It sounds like something bad, y'know? Like some sort of inoperable anal fissure, or something. "Shit. Did you hear what happened to Johnny? He got a fucking kragthorpe so bad he bled to death in 10 minutes. Made a huge mess all over the MARTA bus, too." Looks like the 'Ville's going to be shopping for a new coach this offseason. Color me surprised (close in color to cardinal red!) if they aren't.

Okay, I'm ready to say it. And by the way, any time between 2000 and last year, I never would have been able to dream of providing positive words for Alabama or Florida at this point in the season. But when Alabama plays Florida for the national title - whoops! I mean SEC Championship - we may be looking at the two best coaches in NCAA Football. I'm just not sure how Saban's going to get his team so freakin' motivated that they topple Florida in this one. Look 'Bamma. You're a good team. The epitome of solid this year. Incredibly motivated to play at or above your potential every second of the game. But since Florida lost to 'Ole Miss, Florida has opened up their playbook and just straight murdered people left and friggin right. And yes, Tebow's tear-filled address to Gator fans that they would play with more "passion" than ever before for the rest of the season is clear indication to me that he knew Meyer was about to let go of the leashes. Your only warning, 'Bama: Florida is going to kill you.

His eyes are on the Tide...

Oh, and nevermind that Meyer looks like Shia LeBeouf. While they both may be utter tools, this remarkable resemblance is little more than coincidence. Come to play, 'Bamma.

Separated at birth, they both amazingly found their ways back to the tool shed.

Hey, how 'bout that 70-30 barn burner in Houston? Props to Houston for scoring more points in quarters two and three, respectively, than Georgia scored in their entire game. Bravo! Can I jump on your bandwagon? Anything that gives the city of Houston something to cheer about is okay with Sue. Not a bad city, really. Just ugly, stupid, and not really fun. In any case, this sounds like really fun football.

Then we have these splendid games featuring the cream of the ACC crop, NC State, Maryland, Wake Forest, North Carolina, Miami and Virgina Tech. Wee if you can guess which teams go where: 21-17, 17-15 and 16-14. Isn't the ACC suck-o-round fun? Seriously ACC how badly can you suck? Haven't you listened to Sue's speeches trying to invigorate you? Do any of you even want to play in your pathetic conference championship? The only thing I'm looking forward to about it is to see how few people show up. In any case, these sound about as fun to watch as live footage of your own face melting off. Or the UGA-AUB game.

A sincere congratulations to Vandy on their bowl-eligible win. Going bowling for the first time in 26 years sounds more like a Hallmark channel inspirational story about a man born with no arms who builds his own prosthetic limbs, but damnit, there's a warm spot in my heart for you, 'Dores. By golly, you're probably my 2nd favorite SEC East team (you're consistent suckiness over the years is a likely contributor). I'm a big fan of underdogs, and I'll be rooting for you hardcore in whichever bowl game you get.

Before we move on to Sue's Top 10/Mumme Poll, we at Sue's would like to express our sadness knowing that there will only be two "Sobered Ups" left in the '08 College Football Season. As a rule we do not look forward, at least with terrifying, friend-losing focus, to the next season until around March or so. So that's a solid two months without College Football talk here, and frankly I'm a little scared. If I throw up a post about golf, boxing or hockey, I'm very likely just moments away from committing suicide via chair-throw to Florida State receivers. Just saying.

On to the Poll!

1. Alabama - Look, Florida could seriously be placed here with little or no complaints by our constituents. For the sake of UF's one loss and the fact that the top four will be sorted out with no room for complaints within two weeks, we'll go ahead and leave the Tide at #1.
2. Texas Tech - I can't say that you have a true test this weekend. I've already said your test awaits at least twice. You're legit, Tech. Even though my mom's Alma Mater is Oklahoma, I'll be rooting for you.
3. FU - In honor of one of the coolest hats I've ever seen, playing on UF only changing the letters around to say FU, which is about how I feel towards Florida and their winning ways.
4. Texas
5. Oklahoma
6. Penn State - That Oregon State win is looking mighty good right now, PSU.
7. USC - That Oregon State loss is mighty tough to look at right now, isn't it USC. Without going through all the "if they win or lose" possibilities, here are your possibilities for the 2008-2009 Rose Bowl if USC-PSU doesn't pan out: USC - Ohio State, USC- Michigan State, Michigan State - Oregon State, or Oregon State-Penn State. Hey, why don't we just see how many Hot Wheels cars we can shove up our nose before our brains hemorrhage, instead?
8. Oklahoma State
9. Ohio State
10. Utah

Mumme Extra Two: Utah's finally moved ahead of Georgia this week, due primarily to the perceived difference of how a typical Utah fan and a typical Georgia fan would've reacted if both had played the same game against Auburn last Saturday. Georgia fans were complacent and hung their heads a little lower, knowing that our expectations were WAY freaking off. Utah fans would have been freaking out, methinks. With that being said: UGA and Missouri round out our last two.

Sobered Up - Week 11

Now featuring an actual defense! And yes, this is still a football post.

We watched the Hawks improve to an inexplicable 4-0 on Friday night and still manage to shoot themselves in the foot (seriously, any article that leads with a sentence including the words "Solomon Jones" and "more playing time" is NOT good). Somewhere between the end of the third quarter (when the game was effectively over) and before getting "environmental hazard" citations on MARTA (don't ask), it became clear to me that the sports-focused portion of my mind is now on the NBA, not college football. I feel like a prick for watching the UGA-UK game with all the interest and attention I would pay to my three-year-old neice's ballet recital, and yet I couldn't help it. You have spoiled us, Mark Richt. Two loss seasons, while now commonplace, are somehow unacceptable. This must be how Yankee Fan lives his day-to-day. Great.

Now onto the thoughts on the weekend that was in college football...

I've done a complete 180 on Texas Tech. Not only do I think they're for real (although I still think they will lose to Oklahoma), but I am ready to anoint Michael Crabtree the best player in America and give him the Heisman. Dude is sick, and yet...

...I still have the feeling that Tim Tebow will be walking away with that golden, ultimately meaningless, statue in mid-December. And honestly, that wouldn't be such a bad thing either. Everyone's favorite mohel still only had 17 passing attempts in a 42-14 rout of Vandy. Combined with his 11 carries, that was good enough for 5 touchdowns. In other words, in almost 20% of the time Tebow was the primary playmaker on a play, the Gators scored a touchdown. The Bobs would be happy with his guy.

The pleasure is all on this side of the table, Tim.

Penn State: Thanks for playing. I'm not sure I could have dealt with a national title game where one of the head coaches was eating nachos in a press box during the third quarter. Enjoy the Rose Bowl. And screw the Big 10.

Oklahoma's defense is still suspect, giving up 28 points to Texas A&M. Although at this point, I'm not sure the Big 12 hasn't morphed into some uber-version of the Pac-10, where offense runs the show and defense is an afterthought.

I really don't have much else to say about this weekend other than Brian Kelly will not be at Cincinnati next year (lay it down...Muschamp to Clemson, Leach to Tennessee, Butch Davis erecting a house made of pure gold in Chapel Hill), so let's go to Georgia's fun, if not ultimately disappointing win in the bluegrass state....

I'm really, really, really glad Mohammed Massaquoi redeemed himself with a long reception on the last play of the drive after two costly fumbles on the previous two possessions. After the second fumble, I remember thinking, "is this how MoMass is going to be remembered? With two bad fumbles in a loss to Kentucky during a wasted season?" Luckily, no. And that's great. Massaquoi has been nothing short of solid, dependable and a damn good dawg for the last four years, and his line from Saturday (8 receptions, 191 yards) will be what was remembered from this game, not the two fumbles. Hell yes.

That winning TD pass from Stafford to Green. Wow. That's what happens when two NFL-caliber talents hook up (no homo). Green was surrounded by more dudes than a girl at a sausage fest, jumped up in the only place he could, and grabbed a perfect throw from Stafford, who had broken two tackles and eluded a well-placed blitz. Just an awesome play. I'd say a few more of those in the Alabama/Florida games would have been nice, but I'm going to try and avoid the blogger/hater stereotype, at least for this week.

On that note...I don't want to join the "Fire Willie Martinez" chorus of Georgia fans just yet...but it is clear something has to be done. 129 points allowed in the last three games...ain't gonna work, I'm just saying.

"See that scoreboard? Imma light that bitch up."

Onto Sue's Top 10 (+ Mumme Poll extra two)...

1. Alabama - You do not get dropped for a hard-fought road win in the SEC against a rival. Period.

2. Texas Tech - Color me impressed. Yes, I realize this is the 80th time I've said that over the last two weeks, but I have to make up for the previous 9 weeks of believing they were nothing more than a gimmick offense that would get outgunned by Kansas.

3. Florida - Yeah, I know we try and play the whole "who would beat who on a neutral field" when comprising this list, but I ain't gonna lie. I think, on this day, November 10th, Florida is the best team in the nation.

4. Texas - Look, at this point, we know who the Top 10 teams in the nation are. They ain't changing for the most part. So let's just run the rest of these down and appreciate the top-heavy competition the Big 12 and SEC have provided us with.

5. Oklahoma
6. USC
7. Penn State
8. Oklahoma State
9. Ohio State
10. Georgia

Mumme Mumme: Mizzou and Utah. Barring any jarring upsets or a strong finish by LSU, these are your Top 12 teams in college football the rest of the season. Deal with it, for better or worse.

Sobered Up - Week 10

(I'd insert a photo of this weekend's game if I had any that weren't uniquely depressing)

Both OBJ and I were in Jacksonville this weekend for the epic shellacking. There's really not that much to take solace in; and, I don't really feel like analyzing the game, or making any kneejerk generalizations about the coaching staff and their intensity, focus, motivation, etc. etc. I will say this though: I felt UGA played well on both sides of the ball for the first half, but as is the case against good teams, if you cant execute in the red zone and on special teams, you are screwed.

One note re: the failed onside kick early in the second quarter...that was definitely a hindsight/20-20 call on Richt's part. It probably wasn't the most calculated risk, even moreso since Blair Walsh has been largely ineffective the last couple of games, but it's one of those plays where if it works well, Richt is praised with having Miles-esque cojones. I came to this conclusion at 4:30am Sunday morning outside my hotel as a group of 10-15 Georgia fans argued for damn near a half hour over the merits of the onside kick, neither side willing to budge an inch saying it was a good/bad call.

Either way, enough about that crapfest. Let's use this remaining space to go over the chances of the remaining championship contenders as we rank them in the Mumme Poll.


1. Alabama- Classic SEC trap game against a SunBelt opponent, and they still beat Arky State 35-0. As an undefeated SEC team in November, they clearly control their own destiny and are in the driver's seat for the BCS title game. It's possible that not even a loss on Saturday in Baton Rouge could completely derail their chances at making the title game.

2. Texas Tech- Very nice win, very nice. I kept thinking they'd collapse; and even when that did happen, they were able to improbably claw back. I'm also convinced that Michael Crabtree is not just a product of the TexTech offense, but would be a legit stud in any system, in any conference. Color me impressed...and yet, I can't see them beating both Oklahoma schools in the next two weeks. As with Alabama though, they win out and they're in the title game.

3. Penn State- As long as there are three undefeated teams, the Nittany Lions will be the odd men out. I'm not exactly convinced they're a better team than the next three teams ranked below them, either. If any of those teams win out, we could see a one-loss team jump a undefeated Penn State team, as aided by the computers. Chaos will ensue, and it will be glorious.

4. Florida- They're arguably playing better than any team in the country right now, and it seems like they're still only using half their playbook. Their young defense and running backs are getting better exponentially, and if you don't mind I'm going to slam my head into my desk a few times before going any further.

5. Texas- The Longhorns could still sneak into the title game if they win out, get a little help from one of the Oklahomas, and defeat Missouri in the Big 12 Championship. They have the schedule strength to fall back on, and a loss at Texas Tech shouldn't hurt too bad by the end of the season. Down, but not out.

6. Oklahoma- I didn't really want to drop them two slots, but how could Texas Tech and Florida not jump the Sooners after everything that happened this weekend? The Sooners defense looks porous at times, which could haunt them vs. the Red Raiders, but between that matchup and their end of the year battle vs. the Pokes, Oklahoma will get every opportunity to put themselves right back in the national title picture. It's going to be an interesting few weeks coming up in the Big 12. Best conference in the sport this year, hands down.

7. USC- They are not going to be in the BCS Championship Game. Hallelujah.

8. Oklahoma State- Everything said about Oklahoma applies to OSU. Most likely, too little too late, but a strong enough resume where if some crazy shit goes down, ala last year, they're right back in it.

9. Ohio State- That USC loss was bad, but as it has been mentioned, the Bucks are a fairly different team now. If UGA has to go the Outback/Capitol One Bowl route, I hope they get to play the Bucks. Not only would it be an entertaining matchup between the preseason Top 2 with tons of star power, it would allow Georgia to restore some order to this season with another hopeful beatdown of Ohio State by an SEC school to ring in the new year.

10. Missouri- I struggled with what "2-losses-to-Top-10-teams" squad to put here. Mizzou's loss against Texas was about as bad as Georgia's loss to Alabama, but at least it was on the road. Struggled against Baylor, yes, but at this point, you can find significant flaws in just about every team from here on down.

Mumme Poll Final Two:

11. Georgia- C'mon, as bad as they were on Saturday, do you see TCU, Boise, Utah, BYU or any of the ACC two-loss-team-du-jour beating the Dawgs on a neutral field?

12. Utah- This spot goes to the winner of Thursday's TCU-Utah showdown. For now, the Utes can hold on despite Saturday's nailbiter against New Mexico.

Couple more notes on the awful weekend that was in college football:

Regarding Urban Meyer using up those last two timeouts in the final seconds of a 49-10 domination: I don't care. He had them, it's legal, he used them. End of story. It was a bitchy move by a douchebag of a coach. Wasn't suprising or interesting in the least.

While not exactly lighting up the scoreboard or wins column, Bobby Petrino has the Hawgs playing much better football the last four games, coming off a home win against Tulsa. Anytime an overranked, undefeated, non-BCS school gets beaten by the 9th best team in the SEC, well, there's a pretty good chance it's going to get mentioned on this blog.

Georgia Tech takes the firing range position in this week's ACC Championship roulette following an impressive victory at home vs. FSU that was aided by a last second fumble recovery in the end zone. Take UNC this week, fellas.

Finally, that's enough college football for the day, and probably the week. It usually takes a few days/weeks/months to decompress following a bad UGA loss, specifically one that assures a New Years spent with a 1pm kickoff in central Florida rather than a primetime battle a week later in Miami. OBJ might stop by later with some more thoughts, but let's just say the NBA season just got a little more attention in my household (AI to Pistons? WHAT?!?).

Oh, one more thing...

Finally, pour one out for the fat man in the orange suit. Fulmer struggled once the Richts, Sabans and Meyers of college coaches started growing on trees in the southeast, but at the end of the day, he was a guy who loved his team, coached his whole life at his alma mater and won a title in the process. Overall, a excellent career. I'm thinking he will be revered in Knoxville for eternity and I've enjoyed the way he seems to have handled his inevitable fate with all the dignity and resignation of Al Pacino's character in the final scene of Donnie Brasco. Whoever follows Fulmer will be held to the highest of standards because of the bar he set there, and whatever non-SEC BCS school hires him as a coach will be fairly pleased with the results, if I had to surmise.

Sobered Up - Week 9

Gotta add 'Da Main' tag now

Much like Clemson 2003, Tennessee 2003/2005 and Auburn 2006, there are very few things as enjoyable as a distributing a solid ass-kicking in an opponent's home digs. Yesterday was the best game Georgia has played all year, and maybe even since last year's Auburn game. You couldn't ask for a better start to the start of this four-game road trip through the SEC. Some quick thoughts on yesterday's game:

• Loved the balanced attack on offense. Bobo/Richt still learn toward uber-conservative playcalling when they get a bit of a lead; but they have really let Stafford air it out downfield of late, and the results are beginning to show. 9 receivers caught balls from Stafford, and if there were any egregious drops, I didn't see them. His accuracy and timing get better with each game and you can tell his receivers are on the same page as him now...you're seeing less drops, overthrows and miscommunication in the passing game.
  

• I thought the linebackers played well without Ellerbie, and Darryl Gamble's 13 tackle 2-INT-TD game is one of the more remarkable single-game performances I've witnessed. The defensive line was able to put enough pressure on Andrew Hatch to force more turnovers than Georgia has had in any game this season. The tackling by our DBs and by everyone on Charles Scott was piss-poor, but hopefully that can be corrected this week. Florida doesn't have any bruising runners like Scott.

• Richt's speech to the team before the 4th quarter was absolutely mesmerizing. Every player was intensely focused on his every word...not an eye on any player was looking at anything else in the stadium or on the field. Not sure I've ever seen that in an athletic huddle with the coach.
  

• Couple minor gripes include Georgia's inability to drill the nail in the coffin after a go-ahead TD. Acting like a 2 or 3 TD lead is playing with house money is not ideal. Also, Justin Anderson's asinine personal foul in the 3rd quarter allowed him to pad his status as team leader for idiotic penalties.
  

• Knowshon had an impressive statline of 21 carries and 163 yards. Break it down a little further though: Two of those carries were for 47 and 68 yards. Obviously, those were big runs and I'll take that statline every day of the week; but if you take away those two rushes, he ran for 48 yards on 19 carries. Warrants mentioning?
  

• All in all, an excellent, fun game to watch. It's always money when you can return a TD to the house on the first play, and usually a good omen. Now onto Jacksonville and story after story about last year's celebration. I don't even want to think about that game honestly. This game is the SEC Championship to last year's ACC Championship. 6 days until the East's rep in Atlanta on December is decided.

In other games across the nation and comments on this week's Mumme Poll...

Texas is now 3-0 with one game left in their 4-Top-15-teams-in-one-month slate that is making UGA's four game road stretch look like child's play. In a 28-24 victory against Okie State, Colt McCoy continues to operate with an efficiency that would give an HR rep a boner. Give the Cowboys credit for taking the game down to the wire in the house of the nation's #1 team. They sure as hell deserve to hold their spot in the Top 10 this week.

Can't either just Bobby Bowden or Joe Paterno make a conscious effort to be consistently sucky? These rejuvination years they keep bringing out in unison are thoroughly annoying. Earlier this year it appeared that Paterno would cruise to the finish line in their battle to outlive the other on the sidelines (or, in Paternos' case, press box), but with Florida State now 7-1 heading into their matchup against a "now-thats-more-like-it" Tech team, they appear very much for real, at least as much as contending for the ACC crown can appear "for real."

(BTW: Anyone want to tell me why in the hell FSU/VT was on ABC in the Atlanta market at 3:30? Did ANY non-partisan fan want to watch that over the Texas/OSU game? It's not like the Atlanta-area is flooded with FSU and VT grads, so throw us a frickin' bone here, man. Also, not that I looked too hard, but was Georgia Tech's game even televised? We couldn't find it. If I was a Tech grad, I'd be furious I was forced to sit through that FSU game rather than my team's homecoming tilt. Alright, media-related rant over.)

Yeah, looks like I was probably pretty wrong about Texas Tech following their 63-21 shellacking of Kansas. I won't be picking them to win against the Longhorns this weekend or anything, but how can you not be impressed with their ability to completely dismantle a good Kansas passing attack? And they were still able to light up the scoreboard like they thought this was another one of their Eastern Washington/UMASS/SMU games.

Watching the first half of Oklahoma's 55-28 (halftime) demolition of Kansas State, I thought to myself, "why can't Georgia ever play in a shootout like that...this is a helluva game to watch, and I don't even care who wins." Four hours later, Georgia 52 LSU 38.

I know Colorado isn't anything special, but 58-0 is 58-0. I have a feeling those wins against Missouri will be looking really good for Texas and Oklahoma State all year.

David Cutcliffe continued his dominance of Vandy with an exhilirating 10-7 win, embarrassing the SEC in the process and ensuring Vandy's nice little run of hosting Gamedays and being ranked has come to a merciful end. Isn't the number of SEC teams with brutally bad offenses getting a tad ridiculous? Tennessee, Auburn and Vandy have all been ranked this year at some point and all would have trouble scoring with a slut on Special K at this point. Mississippi State's O makes all of the aforementioned offenses look like last year's Patriots'. South Carolina and Arkansas aren't that much better. That's half the league holding it down with what I'd call "below-average" offensive production.

Thanks to the state universities of Pennsylvania and Ohio for playing a game that doubled as an effective sleep aid. Not even a game of 2-deck Circle of Death could get me sufficiently rowdy to carry on a high level of energy after that 13-6 doozy. If ACC football is like watching four-year-olds play golf, watching Big 10 games is like akin to viewing hall-of-fame golfers who are 80+ years old play a round of 18. It's gonna be a long, slow, boring, outdated affair. Insert predictable Paterno-age joke here.

Congrats to Penn State and their (not all...just some) white trash fans. It now appears you will inherit the opportunity to lose to a SEC or Big 12 school in the BCS title game.

After a 29-9 drubbing at home vs. Bama, I'm ready to give up on thinking Tennessee is a "good-bad" team and just admit they are a bad, bad team. With their season shot, I implore the Vols to use Eric Berry on offense the rest of the season. At this point, his highlights are the only watchable thing coming out of Knoxville.

USC 17 Arizona 10. USC struggles again on the road to a significantly inferior Pac-10 team. Out of the Top 5 with their ass.

Who are the geniuses that decided to schedule a Sunday Night Conference USA showdown (Tulsa-Central Florida) up against the NFL and the World Series? Were Tuesday and Wednesdays not bringing in enough ratings? Why this Sunday as opposed to others?

A 23-21 win in Fayetteville had to be sweet for the Nuttjob. Sure, he kinda imploded the program and botched the school's best recruiting coup, but compared to the current Top Hawg, he's a saint (tho probably an inferior football coach...just sayin').

Notre Dame is 5-2 after beating a brutal Washington team and their lame duck coach 33-7. Is this week they get (over)ranked? Or will it be after they play a Pittsburgh team that just gave up 54 points to a 3-5 Rutgers team? A nation waits in breathless anticipation.

One poll you won't see Notre Dame on this year or likely ever is Sue's Top 10/Mumme Poll. This week's edition:

1. Texas
2. Alabama
3. Penn State
4. Oklahoma
5. Florida
6. Georgia
7. USC
8. Texas Tech
9. Oklahoma State
10. Ohio State...I know, I know. They just won't. go. away. But they had a great chance to beat a legit title contender in the waning minutes of that game. Can't penalize them too much for that.

This week's Tacky Two, bringing up the rear of our Mumme Poll ballot are Missouri (back after a week off the ballot) and Utah, reppin' the Em-Dub-See.

Sobered Up - Week 8

With the first BCS rankings coming out yesterday, every other poll is rendered ultimately meaningless. Of course, since when has that stopped being a reason to bloviate and play Monday-morning talking head?

Sue's Top 10 / Mumme Poll Ballot and Explanations:

1. Texas - Jumps Alabama for the #1 spot following a thorough dismantling of a Missouri team that I am still not sure is all that good. They've played two good teams and lost to both of them, in somewhat convincing fashion. Their best win is over an Illinois squad that looks like a mediocre team in a mediocre conference. Luckily for the Tigers, they don't play another ranked squad until their final regular season match-up versus Kansas, so there's a very good chance they could be back in the Top 10 by that time, and we still wouldn't have any idea if they were all that good.

2. Alabama - Last 3 first halves, 'Bama's outscoring their opponents 69-3. Those same three games in the second half? 'Bama is outscored 61-13. With the recent news that DT Terrence Cody will likely be unavailable for the hate-fest against UT this weekend, it's hard to imagine any 'Bama fan feeling completely secure in this ranking, delusional as they may be.

3. Penn State - Seriously, how much coaching can JoePa possibly do from up in the booth like that? And isn't that getting to be an all-too-common storyline in Happy Valley? Two years ago, he's running off the field during play to go take a shit, and since then it seems like he's spent more time away from the sidelines than some of his suspended players. I realize there's not much to complain about given their strong start to this season, but damn, is this guy even coaching this team anymore? Who's really running the show up there, thats what I want to know. Because this team does NOT look like a trademark Senile JoePa squad.

OBJ Editor's Note: This same question MUST be leveled towards Bobby Bowden, who stood docile as a young doe in the meadow while his offensive coordinator shit bricks and danced around the sideline of the ACC Crapfest of the Week Award winning FSU-NC State game. Realizing his folly, Bowden made sure to yell and swear at the refs while the mic was in his face running off the field at halftime.

4. Oklahoma - This is just a good team. Period. OBJ said it last week, but I wouldn't have a problem putting these guys at #2. Just a solid, methodical taking apart of a strong KU squad following last week's heart-breaker against Texas. With a tough-but-not-too-tough schedule the rest of the way, highlighted by their final two games against sure-to-be-overrated Texas Tech and Okie State, there's a good chance these guys could be sitting very pretty in the Top 2 of the final BCS standings, following their likely "Bye Week" the week of the Big 12 Championship. How do you feel about Oklahoma in the BCS Championship without winning their conference...again?

5. Florida - They have the best win of all the remaining one-loss teams. At this very moment in time, I feel they are a more complete squad on both sides of the ball than USC, and their offense is miles ahead of Georgia's right now. Hopefully this is the last week they'll be in all caps when I send in my Mumme Poll.

6. USC - Class act by Pete Carroll to run up the score on arguably the worst team in BCS history. Too bad those 21 4th quarter points can't help you in the computer rankings. That said...they've outscored their last three opponents 141-10 since losing at Oregon State. I don't care who that's against...when your offense can put up points like that, you are going to be in position to win. Every. Game.

7. Georgia - I agree with everyone else out there...underwhelming win...coulda/shoulda dominated...can't leave points on the board like that against LSU/UF...etc, etc. At the end of the day, beating a ranked SEC team is what it is. I'll take it, be happy and hope that Coach Richt & Co. have been simplifying the game plan over the last few weeks, content just to do enough to beat UT/Vandy before pulling out all the stops for the aforementioned "Big 2."

8. Ohio State - Damn you OSU. Damn you to hell. You should be dead. You shouldn't even be here. Your comeback after the USC game is equivalent to Pee Wee Herman emerging from his porn theater escapades to getting a newer and better kids show. OBJ Editor's Note: Pee Wee did go on to have several pivotal roles after this mishap, most notably and strictly from memory as that fart guy in the epic Ben Stiller superhero flick (Mystery Men?) and as the Penguin's father in Batman Returns. Not sayin. Just sayin. Just not fair, just not right. And with Terelle Pryor around for at least two more years, you're offense should remain humming for the foreseeable future. Now you have me ready to bet this month and next month's rent on you against Penn State this weekend. Just go away.

9. Oklahoma State - Wow these guys went from underrated to overrated in a hurry. Since when is beating up on Baylor seen as a reason to move ahead of a team (oh, lets say, Georgia) that beats a ranked team? Like Missouri...we don't really know how good these guys are, and probably still won't know after Texas thrashes them this weekend.

10. LSU - This has already been played out ad nauseum on the blogs, but I got a feeling nobody enjoys this more than Penn Wagers:

OBJ Editor's Note: Okay, seriously. How the fuck am I supposed to feel walking into Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge this weekend? When you've got the refs that far down on your jock, you could beat anyone. I mean that was just malicious. Does this cat have any fucking eligibility left, 'cause our D is hurtin' big time. I sure hope we're using this guy as bulletin board material.

And the Final Two Spots on the Mumme Poll:

Last week's Tacky Two were Mizzou and VT...safe to say neither will be making an appearance on this ballot again anytime soon. Ditto for Ball State or BYU (change "anytime soon" to "ever" for those two teams). I kind of like Utah for one spot. Boise State's resume isn't too far behind. Texas Tech is still completely unimpressive in my eyes and would get smoked by all of the above teams. As crazy as it sounds...Pitt is playing as well as any of those teams right now.

Georgia Tech and FSU are certainly possibilities. Tech's just going to have to show Sue something after that Gardner-Webb debacle a few weeks ago. That's just inexcusable. South Florida recently lost to Pitt so they can't be in there. The best thing TCU has done all year is lose to Oklahoma by the slim margin of 35-10. Quite honestly, the above 10 teams are head and shoulders above everyone else.

Everything taken into account, we're going with Utah and Texas Tech as the Tacky Two for this week. Hopefully that will make it all the sweeter when I can dump TexTech from this list when they lose to Kansas this week.

Sobered Up - Week Seven

Well, what the hell took you so long?

Welcome to a decidedly less aesthetically pleasing edition of Sobered Up, and a particularly less sober one as well. Before we get into our feature story, we, Runaround Sue's, are going to reveal here and now the secret behind our success (great Michael J. flick!). While you're correct in your assumption that it requires several hours and copious amounts of alcohol to bring out the true blawgin' genius, the real magic of 2008 is owed to Mexican restaurants. Nothing more, certainly nothing less. So my question to you, readers, is how obnoxious do you have to be in order to be thrown out of one of the seediest Mexican joints in Atlanta?

Sue's had a rough time with it this weekend. A total of 7 hours of sleep for a game day weekend is rough, so excuse Sue just this once if we're not at our best.

So Tommy Boy's finally out at Clemson, huh. I wish I could say good for you, Tigers, but what the hell do you expect? I mean, are you really going to get a coach that's going to lead you to being better than a model of consistency for slightly above mediocre? Now in his 9th year, Bowden has a 69-41 record, 7 bowl appearances and a whopping 42 ACC wins. There are only two programs in the entire conference with more wins during this time, FSU and GT. Oh, and he also happened to graduate 80 percent of his seniors. Insanely elevated expecations are all fine and dandy. But it's not like you were rattling off 10-win seasons and heading to the championship on an annual basis before he got there. There are other things to consider, however. For example, how much are Fire Tommy Bowden website domain names (not to mention the highly sought after Tommy Bowden is God domain) going to fetch from fans of whatever team he goes on to torment now? More importantly, when you don't eclipse 9 dubs in a single season over the next 5 years, where will you turn to for blame?

I can't believe I'm sitting here with my biggest hope of Georgia squeaking in and playing for a championship for the first time since the year before I was born is Ohio State beating Penn State. 16-3 against Purdue, but you're going to handle PSU? If you had told me I'd be rooting for Ohio State when this season started, I wouldn't have believed you. But that's the affect of voters turning their backs on Ohio State. Right now OSU somehow getting back in is one of the least of my worries, even with a win against PSU in a few weeks.

Texas looked really good against Oklahoma. Or so I heard. I'm sorry, but I was too busy building on the buzz I had carefully began constructing at 10 am. With so many places to hit up around campus, I just couldn't stop to watch a football game no matter how exciting it was. This is Athens for you. You go for the football, but then your environment just swallows you up and your oddly content to just sit outside with your buddies having immediately forgetable conversations about absolutely nothing while downing gin n tonic after bud light after gin n tonic. Go sometime. I implore you. Now, Texas you look to be a solid team. Maybe the best in the country I'll give you that. But why are you acting like you're playing Punch Out on Hardest difficulty and eveyrone else just turns it on to beat the shit out of Glass Joe? Thank you, Colt McCoy, for this tidbit:

"We have the most ridiculous schedule ever," Texas quarterback Colt McCoy said. "We play good football teams week in and week out. We can't slip up. We want to face what we're doing and love the challenge of what's in front of us."

Yes, thank you. Thank you for making it so easy for me to think you're an insanely large fucking douche. And what's more is that the media are buying this crap. You've got a tough schedule no doubt, but how is it for one second any more difficult than several teams in the SEC? As much hype and respect the SEC gets, people still just don't get it.

With only 2 1/2 weeks left until what looks to be the elimination game in Jacksonville, it seems appropriate to see how Runaround Sue's Top 10 differs from our o-ridge list of elite teams from week one (week one noted in parentheses). Observe:

1) Alabama (8. How many places did you see Alabama in the preseason Top 10?)
2) Texas (7. Thus is college football, Texas. Today you're America's darlings and the most loved football team in Texas. Two conferenec losses and you're toast)
3) Penn State (Unranked. Not sure I know anyone who saw this coming)
4) Oklahoma (2. Oklahoma could very well still be one of the Top 2 best teams in the country)
5) Florida (4. One big test has been passed with flying colors.)
6) USC (5. Are we seeing a pattern here?)
7) Georgia (1. Ouch. This may have been wishful thinking)
8) Oklahoma State (WTF?!? Who the fuck put Okie State in Sue's Top 10?!)
9) Ohio State (3. Sue just wanted to see them drop like a UF coed's panties during the last weekend in October in one more poll)
10) LSU (6. Does anyone really think LSU is out of it?)

Sobered Up - Week Six

This Never Gets Old

A college football gameday without a Georgia game? Now, work with me on this metaphoric, but it's a lot like having a long ass dream about a ridiculously hot girl, finally getting her clothes off and climbing into bed with her only to wake up. Or spending 5 agonizingly long (don't these minutes seem longer than all others?) minutes preparing yourself a sandwich, loading on the mayo, mustard, cheese, et. al, only to discover you don't have any meat. It's like going to the movies and watching two hours worth of previews. The timing is right, the surroundings are there and everything seems to be in place, but there is one thing severely lacking that just makes the entire experience...artificial, somehow.

That being said, this was a pretty good time for a Georgia bye. Primarily because of the injuries, but a close second would be because Georgia fans have now gone five weeks without the ability to get some chores and errands done. Unless they're students. Or jobless. Now I'm not big on sitting around for two weeks sulking about what will hopefully be the worst loss of the season for two weeks, but I've got a feeling Richt will have these boys charged up and hungry come Saturday.

So, uh, what's going on with Florida? Winning 17-7 going into the half against Arky after a home loss to 'Ole Miss? This to a team that beat Western Illinois and Louisiana Monroe by a combined 5 points? Are teams starting to figure out Tim Tebow aka Kal-el? Is the lack of a running game finally making this offense sputter? Is this going to be the only Sue paragraph comprised entirely of questions?? Florida, you've got less than a week to put it together. Careful now.

After a 3-point victory over monstrous Wisconsin (read: sarcasm, best win = Fresno State), Ohio State is inching ever-closer to the reality that most college football fans have feared since the last second of the 2007 College Football Season. A win against Penn State and OSU is, frighteningly, a very likely candidate for the BCS National Championship game. Although I cringe at the thought, I really would relish another THE Ohio State beatdown by THE SEC. Hey, Buckeyes and BCS, we could make this an annual tradition!

Remember when Nebraska used to be a good team? After much deliberation, we here at Sue's blame the media and explosion of the Information Age on the sudden downfall of Nebraska football. Not only is Nebraska one of the last places a top tier prospect would want to visit, let alone live/attend school, but they no longer need to in order to receive televised recognition. With so many ESPN channels and all of the games on all the time, you can attend a Fresno State, an obviously preferable locale to be sure, and still be guranteed to play in several televised games per year. Add to that a near dominant rule by Oklahoma and Texas, with Mizzou and Kansas staking their claim, and Nebraska has very little to offer athletes. I still expect them to pull off an upset and show some type of stingy defense game after game, but alas, I believe it may be time to give up on that. At least they've still got those homegrown hotties. And corn. Allegedly.
Editor's Note: Sue has never been to Nebraska and likely never will, so cannot justifiably validate these rumors of luscious cornfields supposedly sweeping the gorgeous landscape of Nebraska.
For the record, Yes, Have, While Drunk and Eoogh! WTF Is That?! How Did She Get on The Squad?

And the ACC Shitfest of the Week Award Goes to: Maryland vs. Virginia. 31-0 Maryland?? Really? Didn't you just beat two ranked teams in Cal and Clemson? What the hell? Aargh your conference sucks on so many levels I can't even begin to describe it and why it angers me so, but here's one for you real quick: right now, Maryland, you are the shitfly that lays its eggs on top of the pile of shit. Your conference is just so consistently inconsistent and bad.

On to Sue's Weekly Top Ten!

1. Oklahoma - Ooooooklahoma! Well your season starts next week. You've been beating the shit out of your inferior opponents with the deliberateness of a drunken stepfather, but now you've got an opponent who could presumably stay on the same field with you. Just remember, you should be beating the crap out of all those teams. However, you're the only top team to be able to consistently do that without any slacking, so you're the clear #1.
2. LSU - This whole LSU/Bama who-should-be-two thing will be figured out real quick, but for now Sue has to swing towards LSU's talent.
3. Alabama - How many times have we patted our own butts for having Alabama in our Preseason Top 10? Not enough.
4. Texas - Let Sue be the 88, 764th source to tell you this is your biggest game of the season. Oh, and how many people have reminded you that you're 2-7 against Oklahoma since 2000?
5. Missouri - According to Hey Jenny Slater, Mizzou has not had a 3 and out the entire season. Wow and jeezus. That's got to be some kind of record and, also, is pretty damn scary.
6. Penn State
7. Texas Tech - With games against Oklahoma and Texas, TT will have to prove they belong with the big boys.
8. Georgia - Need a "statement" game against Tennessee this weekend boys. Don't disappoint and come out firing on all cylinders.
9. USC
10. Florida - Gator fans better be hoping that the coaching staff was preparing them for next week's game instead of this week's. Or last week's.

(Mumme Poll extras: Both OSUs...T.BooneOSU over tOSU based on each team's efforts vs. my personal yardmarker Troy State.)