Carve out a Minute for Favre

Insert cock tease joke...here.

After the ridiculous and perhaps over-the-top approach to Sue's list of top ringless athletes, we're going for a different angle...no research!

As you may recall from Sue's 2008 Christmas Wish List - through which we essentially received 2.25 of our wishes - we kinda sorta just wish Brett Favre would get hit by a bus. As reported Tuesday, Favre and Vikings Coach Brad Childress met yesterday to discuss Favre's potential joining of the Minnesota Vikings. It was widely understood that the biggest, if not the only, obstacle in the way was Favre's 40-year old biceps, injured 3/4 of the way through the '08 season.

And just as quickly, there are now reports that Favre will decline the offer to stick it to the Packers. A couple of thoughts here:

• It was reported that, "Childress and the Vikings wanted to gauge Favre's level of interest in returning to the NFL to play for the Vikings." Really? Now, by no means do I pay nearly as much attention to the NFC North or the Minnesota Vikings, nor harbor nearly as much seasoned contempt and hatred for Coach Childress - or Favre for that matter - as Big Daddy Drew. But expecting to gauge Brett Favre's interest level in May? See, now I automatically think the Vikings coach and anyone speaking in his ear are a bunch of twits.

• There are a few things that could keep Favre from coming back this year. Brett Favre deciding after a conversation with Childress that he simply didn't want to unretire? Again? BULLSHIT. Definitely not one of the reasons. And this has nothing to do with his bicep, which Favre was probably hoping would provide him with the means of wavering back-and-forth with his decision. No. Either a) Childress informed Favre he would be competing for the starting position with the likes of (it's funny to even write this) Sage Rosenfels, Tavaris Jackson and Gus Frerotte, whenst Favre told him to "buggah off ya twat" because it was too insulting (see: having to compete with Aaron Rodgers). b) Childress gave Favre a time frame that he could work with, likely given by the higher ups, within which the Vikes would need an answer; Favre balked at the idea of commitment before even Labor Day had passed. c) Favre saw the news today about Manny and grew very, VERY concerned about his own "nutritional regimen." Or, most likely and unfortunately-500-words-into-the-point-of-this-damned-post, d) Favre's been listening to the news.

Brett Favre, the media-whore narcissistic vagina runoff, is fully aware that the media has turned on him. I've heard nothing but negative things spoken about Favre for the past several days. "Frankly people are sick of it," SportCenter. "Favre really has worn out his welcome and taken this too far," ESPN radio. I could seriously see Favre going back to SMU for a College Gameday (let's just pretend they'd get one for a second) and seeing signs in the back like, "We Love The Golden Eagles but CORSO LOVES GOLDEN SHOWERS" and "SOUTHERN doesn't MISS FAVRE!!" Perhaps he wanted to be able to set foot inside Lambeau without being booed. Maybe he realized he'd get nothing but hatred for stepping inside the booth on a MNF game, let alone a permanent gig broadcasting. For whatever reason, I fully believe that the only thing keeping Favre from coming back is the sudden realization that his actions are causing people to forget ANY of the notable, arguably heroic/memorable things he's done, because he's turned into or been revealed as a huge douche.

The only questions is, why didn't he think of this before?

See you at the crossroads (the crossroads, the crossroads)

Neither one looks right.

As has been pointed out many a time in the annals of Sue's, neither myself or OBJ are big NFL fans. Sure, we play fantasy, read and follow the daily going-ons of the league; but not with the passion or interest we hold for baseball, the NBA, and mostly, college football.

I blame this on my family never being Falcons fans. When I was a kid, my grandparents owned a small neighborhood grocery store in midtown that my dad and uncles also worked at from time to time. For over 25 years, beer vendors and other distributors peppered my family with Braves and Hawks tickets (not exactly a valuable commodity in those days). They attended hundreds of games over the years, and grew to love those teams, especially the Braves, during their lean years. To say my dad, uncles and grandfathers were captivated by the Braves' success in the 1990's would be a vast understatement.

However, for whatever reason, the swag dealers never hooked up my grandpops with Falcons tickets. No idea why. Still, he's a stubborn man, and because of this, dude has never liked the Falcons. Just doesn't care whether they win or lose. He passed this trait down to his sons, who likewise passed them down to me. I've never had much interest in watching the Falcons except during the Vick years, and Vick could have been playing for the fuckin' Lions and I would have watched him...so anyways, yeah. I've never really been a Falcons fan.

Needing a team, I adopted the Jets in the early-mid 90's for whatever reason. (Note: I think it was because I was born in New Jersey and hated the Giants at the time.) So I basically made myself a "Jets fan," got some Jets crap for Christmas, a Starter jacket when those were the shit, watched them whenever their games were televised in the ATL, and followed them like a transplanted fan. I never really felt the connection or interest-level with the Jets like I did with the Braves, Hawks or Dawgs, but they were still my favorite NFL team and I remember the devastation I felt in January of 1999 when the Jets were one shoddy VinnyT drive away from beating the Broncos in the AFC Championship, setting up a Falcons-Jets Super Bowl and the chance to annoy the shit out of everyone at school for a solid two weeks.

So yeah, the Jets are my team, I suppose. My thoughts on Brett Favre have been well documented in this space, so it was somewhat bittersweet to see the Jets presumably improve their QB play by acquiring one of my least favorite athletes. Also unfortunate was that the Favre trade meant the end of the Chad Pennington era at the Meadowlands. Pennington, whos arm strength has deteriorated in recent years, was always a solid QB, never too flashy or dominant, but much better than half the crap other teams were throwing out there. You rarely felt QB play was a huge liability to your team with Pennington back there...although admittedly that's probably because the Jets had so many liabilities elsewhere on the field during that time.

If you've been watching ESPN at all this week, you know the rest of the story. Pennington signed with the Dolphins, lost a nailbiter at home to Favre and the Jets in Week 1, presided over a steady 10-5 season while the Jets have been reeling in recent weeks. Enter this weekend's matchup for the division title in the Meadowlands. I'm not too bitter or aghast at Pennington's success vs. Favre's this season, mainly because I think both teams would have had similar results with either quarterback. Other than Favre's high INT total, which is a given, their numbers are remarkably similar.

I'll still be watching this game with a huge rooting interest in the Jets. I like Coach Mangini and think if he gets fired for taking this average-talent team to a 9-7 record in arguably the best division in football, the Jets' brass are idiots, or suffering from lil' brother syndrome in regards to their Meadowland mates.

(Aside: I'm really getting fed up with the short leash on coaches. Washington thinking of firing Jim Zorn after one season where he exceeded[!] expectations? Why not just give everyone a one-year contract and be done with it? You want to fire someone, look at Marvin Lewis yo.)

Still, as a Jets "fan," I won't be enormously devastated if they lose. Much like a real Jets booster, year after year since the Tuna has left, I have tempered expectations for this team. You tell me before the season that the Jets would have been 9-7 and playing for a playoff spot in Week 17, I'd take it. And if that does indeed happen, I'll be rooting for Chad Pennington to take advantage of the shitty hand he was dealt prior to this season and take the Dolphins deep into the playoffs. Yes, I admit my NFL rooting interests are fucked up.

BLOGASM 10.22: Unsolicited incoherent thoughts while enjoying a double of bourbon...

...and a poorly named Camel Crush.


I never really thought about this situation playing out, mostly because I expect Penn State to lose this weekend in Columbus and/or trip up down the road before the regular season, but Michael absolutely hits the nail on the head: If there is any justice in the world, the following situation will play out:

"the better scenario for college football's long-term interest would be the following: 11-1 Florida blows Alabama out in the SEC Championship Game and jumps 12-0 Penn State and 11-1 Southern Cal to play Texas in the national title game."

Replace Florida with Georgia in that scenario and you have my dream season. Not only do Jim Delaney, Thomas Hansen and the Rose Bowl come under significant pressure from the schools to switch to a plus-one/playoff system, but college football fans will be treated to a game between two teams that proved their mettle by blasting through a beast of a schedule.

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Coming soon to a crappy NFL team near you.

The word that Michael Vick will plead guilty to state dogfighting charges in Virgina is a win-win situation. Not only does Jimmy Taxpayer avoid more of his hard-earned tax dollars being poured into this bullshit case, but Joey Footballfan is likely to see Vick back in uniform in time for the 2009 NFL season, Roger Goodell's judgment notwithstanding. I trust that Goodell will view Vick's year-plus in federal prison, bankruptcy and two year suspension from the NFL enough of a punishment and will allow Vick to begin working out for teams this summer. Even after two years away from the game, dude is still a Top 20 QB in the NFL. I'd go through all the crappy QB's starting right now, but that's why Al Gore gave us Google.

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Someone care to explain this situation to me? So Mike Woodson calls out Josh Smith in front of the team, Smith storms off to the locker room pissed, Woodson plays coy and now both are saying eveything is cool and it was all just an act? But it wasn't such a staged act that Smith had to go to Woodson's office to make sure it was really all just an act? Jee-zus guys, leave the shitty acting to borderline homosexuals in high school drama clubs...the regular season tips off in 7 days! Something tells me the Cavs, Blazers or Hornets aren't having these same issues.

Lowballing Josh Smith all summer and having him forced to backpedal into a below-market deal is going to hurt the Hawks this year. I hope I'm wrong, but nothing this preseason has shown otherwise.

Keep talkin', Pops.

Hoopinion is tossing around the idea of keeping track of times Woodson's foibles clearly cost the Hawks a Dubya. Peep that.

My goal for the rest of the year following several WHY AM I STILL A FAN OF THIS TEAM notes of the Hawks is to mention something good...so...I just want to say that despite John Hollinger's criticisms, the bench looks much, much improved thus far. Also, I'd like to see the team use the "big" lineup they were forced into when Marvin Williams was injured last week with Zaza at the 5, Horford at the 4 and Smith at the 3. Creates mismatches across the board, espicially when you're facing a team without a true back-to-the-basket center.

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Ah, Brett Favre. If you had just gone down to Mississippi and started raising cattle or some shit you could have been Governor of Wisconsin in a few years and NFL commishiner shortly after that. You would have had complete autonomy to do whatever you want without fear of media criticism of any kind. However, you chose to go the petty ex-girlfriend route and burn every bridge imaginable. Look, I get that this supposed impropriety goes on all the time and that Favre is denying it. I get that. I really do. But time and time again since he announced his retirement, this guy has put himself in the position where he is looked at as the bitter asshole, caught between trying to move on with a new team and still stick it to his old team; all the while, holding a media that deifies him hostage.

It's not long before the (mainstream) media caves on him too. I mean, public opinion has turned on him...when my senile/stodgy dad and uncles that have been praising him the last 15 years start calling him an "attention whore" and "little girl," it's pretty clear he's lost his target fanbase. Not to mention what he's done to poor Green Bay fans. I bet it's a little harder for a Packer fan to wear a Favre jersey to Lambeau than it was about a month ago. It's really too bad, because he's having a very solid season for the Jets that has been overshadowed by all this drama.

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World Series...not much to say here. Obviously, our predictions were juuuuuuustabitoutside. Bah...anyways, I like the Rays in six, simply due to their rotation depth. Can't see Jamie Moyer and Joe Blanton as legit World Series starters. That said, if this series comes down to the bullpen, you got to like the Phillies Madson-Lidge combo over the Rays "whoever is hot at the moment" approach. Both lineups can and will mash. I see this series playing out very similarly to the Phillies' last series in '93, with Lidge starring as Wild Thang.

Just wanted to get those few thoughts out there. On the agenda for Sue's: our first NBA Preview, Shotcallin', and even one of those worthless (but amazingly entertaining!) lists we promised in our (painful, oh so painful) first post. Be easy fellas.

Vick Needs Some Company

Is real sorry, for uh, PITA, but, uh, just wants to play football guys, y'know?

Just announced today, Brett Favre thinks the mutilated corpses of animals are playtoys! According to The Fifth Down, Favre recently left a little surprise in teammate Eric Barton's locker: a dead rotting animal carcass in a "plastic bag full of blood and guts!" Wheeeee!

Hey! Quick question - if it was a dog, and Favre breeds wild dogs on his huge ranch, and then lets 'em go and hunts 'em so he can dump them in his unbelievably unassuming (how could you not see this coming?!?!) teammates' lockers, don't you think he should be immediatley removed from the Madden cover, released from the Jets and imprisoned for three years? Me too! From Fifth Down:

Barton could not remember whether it happened last week or the week before. Nor did he know exactly what kind of dead animal Favre shot (presumably), bagged and dumped inside Barton’s locker.

Dog! It was a dog!!

While left guard Alan Faneca assumed that Favre was the perpetrator. Barton refused to name a suspect, but did say that “I hope that the animal rights activists find out about it, whoever did it, that cruel person.” Hahahhahahahah (slaps knee) hahahhahahahah! Animal rights activists those RASCALS! I sure hope they find out who did this and throw my QBs ass in prison quicker 'n shit! Hahah. Yeah, but seriously. Like they could ever have any real power or influence over what happens.

Asked if this was an example of how Favre was fitting into the Jets’ locker room, Faneca said: “He fits because of his personality. He likes to have a good time and joke around and have fun while you’re doing it. That’s the way we should be doing things out here.”

Well, YEAH. I mean, who doesn't like to have fun while they're doing it? When I'm doing it I like to tell jokes, too. Like:
Knock, knock!
(GASP) Who's there??
Deep inside you Evan!!!
Deep inside you Evan who? (GASP)
Deep inside you Ev'n more and I'm gonna bust yo sternum!!!!!

We miss you Vick.

Handicapping the Favre Situation

As I mentioned earlier this week, there wasn't really much to add to this Brett Favre saga. Well apparantly, I am a liah! I won't bother to re-hash the details of the story, as ESPN is all over this news with the giddiness of a young schoolgirl awaiting a summer crush to return home from camp.

That being said, I do not envy the inevitable decision the Packers are facing. Having grown weary of Favre's bullshit posturing on the subject of his retirement over the last five years, I'd like nothing more than to see the Packers tell him to go fuck himself. Unfortunately, this being reality, they have to straddle a fine line between jettisoning the most popular (best?) player in franchise history, placating their legions of loyal fans, and fielding a competitive football team when training camp starts later this month.

What will the Packers do? What should they do? Your guess is as good as mine, but just for the hell of it, let's go to the oddsmaker, yours truly...


500-1: Bully/pressure Favre into holding true to his retirement, going into the Hall-of-Fame as (basically) a career Packer, and retire his #4 jersey on the Monday night opener vs. Minnesota.

These odds can't be high enough. If there's one trait that defines Brett Favre's unnatural ability to believe in himself in any and all situations, its his pure stubbornness. He won't back down. If he wants to play the 2008 NFL season, he will play the season on his terms. It's this stubbornness that allowed him to throw 100 total interceptions over the last five seasons and not change his decision making in the pocket under pressure at any point during that time. (/ Obligatory "Gunslinger" reference)


20-1: Grant Favre his release, allow him to be free to sign with any team he wants, presumably division rivals Chicago or Minnesota.

Under no circumstances can the Packers allow the face of their franchise to sign with a hated division rival. A division rival, might I add, that will arguably be as much of a player in the NFC race Pack this season. The Monday night opener vs. Minnesota would be an unmitigated disaster, as the American public would be subjected to four hours of Tony Kornheiser blasting the Packers for letting Favre go, while mentioning in about forty different poetic tones "just how tough. this game. this season. his Packers career. will be for young Aaron Rogers." Let's just say this situation would make ESPN's coverage of Barry Bonds chase for 755 seem like they were covering the WNBA. This situation not only won't happen, it can't happen.

15-1: Trade Favre to an NFC squad not in the NFC North.

The Falcons, Bucs and Niners would upgrade their QB situations immensely by trading for Favre. Speaking of which...what the hell do you trade for Brett Favre if you are a team in need of a QB? Not only would he move merchandise and put your team in the national spotlight immediately, but the sad truth is that Brett Favre is still better than 80-90% of the QBs in the NFL right now. Hell there's a chance that if Favre is still the same gunslangin' interceptin' machine in five years as a 44-year-old, he's STILL going to be in the top half of NFL quarterbacks. It really speaks as an indictment of how few quality quarterbacks there are in this league that a team could seriously consider giving up a 1st or 2nd round pick for Favre at this point in his career. I mean, look at some of the quarterbacks in the Pro Bowl over the last few years not named Brady or Manning:

2008 - Jeff Garcia, Matt Hasselbeck
2007 - Philip Rivers, Mark Bulger
2006 - Trent Green, Steve McNair (fully washed up), Hasselbeck, Jake Dellhome
2005 - Bulger, Green

These guys pass at upper-echelon QBs in today's NFL? It really makes me reconsider the quality of football I've been watching over the last few years knowing that I was following a league where Matt Hasselbeck and Trent Green were multiple-time All-Pros.

7-1: Trade Favre to an AFC squad.

There are too many teams to name here. If shit hits the fan in Green Bay and the point of no return is crossed by either Favre or the Packers brass, do not be surprised to see him shipped to an AFC team the Packers don't have to play for a season or two.

3-1: Bring Favre back as starter, allow him to continue this ridiculous song-and-dance for the next few years, as he continues his uncanny ability to throw drive-killing interceptions in big games. He is also allowed to fuck Aaron Rogers sister and kill his cat.

Would not surprise me at all.

2-1: Bring Favre back as a backup (wink, wink).

Favre comes back as a backup. At the press conference, says all the right things about having to earn his spot back as the starter, he just wants to help Rogers run the offense, etc. etc. Two days and 8,000 questions later, young Aaron metaphorically or literally shits the bed in a scrimmage and Favre is named the starter. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

So there you have it, place your bets. But if the most latter of these situations proves true, just remember you heard it on a blog named after a song featured in the epic stickball scene of Little Big League.

Quick Hits on Today's Headlines

Report: Favre sends text message to Packers GM Thompson

Ugh. Everything that there is to say about this story has been said. Brett Favre, a QB who has won the same number of Super Bowls as Eli Manning and Trent Dilfer, wants to come back…everyone knows it, and the media clearly loves reporting on this. I have absolutely nothing to add to this story, except that I wish it would go the way of Barbaro-mania in ’07. Too much?


Sixers getting in position to lure Brand from West Coast

Wow…didn’t see this one coming. As a Hawks fan, I have been trained to expect the worst, but news that the 76ers could land Brand would mean that there is is one less team that can lure away The Joshes from the Hawks. The 76ers signing Brand would leave the Golden State Warriors as the only team with significant cash needed to present an offer that the Hawks’ abortion of an ownership group wouldn’t match. Whatever. If I’m Josh Smith in this situation, I sign a huge one year deal, allow the Hawks to match it and become a unrestricted free agent next year, free to sign with anyone without having to worry about it being matched. Then again…The Stampede for LeBron/Wade/Bosh/Amare/Yao in 2010 might be enough to make the 2009 offseason leaner than Shawn Bradley after a month-long meth binge. Maybe that’s why I’m not a sports agent.

As for how this move would help the 76ers, it would give them a legitmate low-post scoring threat, something most Eastern Conference teams don’t have…and Brand/Dalembart would give them the best interior defense in the East outside of Boston. However, even if this allows them to re-sign Iguodala, I don’t think this move puts them with the Boston/Detroit/Miamiassumingeveryoneshealthy class in the East. No matter how many studs they sign this offseason, Brand, JSmith, whoever, this is still a team that was starting Willie Greene in the playoffs. The depth isn’t there.


Imprisoned Vick Files for Bankruptcy

This is just depressing. I have never been a Falcons fan; but, as an Atlanta resident, I enjoyed the hell out of watching them during the inconsistent yet glittering Michael Vick era. A man that, roughly 500 days ago was the highest-paid athlete in the city (though now that title is currently being held in even more dubious fashion by the immortal Mike Hampton)…now he’s protecting his last pennies against creditors through his lawyers while he sits in a Leavenworth, Kansas prison.

Just everything about this story disgusts me. Insanely talented athlete makes it big from the shady part of town. Hooks up his boys/entourage with the means to do whatever they want, including engaging in their illegal vice of choice, apparently dogfighting. Said athlete and said entourage are dumb enough to put HIS fucking name on all the property where said illegal activity takes place. Upon one of his idiot minions being suspected of drug dealing, police find evidence of an illegal dogfighting ring. His childhood friends roll over on him to save their own asses, despite Vick giving them (presumably) their means to everything they have. Talented QB winds up in prison during the prime of his career. Local football team, in an effort to sever ties with era associated with Vick, overreaches in the draft for a mediocre QB who’s most famous game in college was one where his team didn’t score for 58 minutes and was on the receiving end of an ass-whuppin in the Nails-On-A-Chalkboard Bowl, aka, the ACC Championship Game.

But back to Vick…I know dogfighting is brutal, and the way him and his cronies killed the dogs are indefensible. I know it’s a cultural thing (and I won’t even attempt to get into that), as Stephon Marbury so clumsily stated in his attempted defense of Vick.

I also know that it truly irks me that this ordeal (which is, despite what PETA would have you think, is, at the end of the day, over a FUCKING DOG) is that tonight OJ Simpson, PacMan Jones and Leonard Little will be able to sleep in their own beds. The two people Simpson (allegedly) murdered, the mother killed by Little’s first DUI, and the man paralyzed after being shot by a member of PacMan’s entourage, won’t be able to. I’m not saying Michael Vick is as innocent as those folks, but seeing him reduced to this still makes me angry. Glad the feds were able to solve the underground dogfighting problems in this country, though. Now go tackle corporate corruption, counter-terrorism and organized crime and we’ll be all set.


/ Stepping off soapbox, takes sip of water washing foam away from mouth.


At trial, women deny Nazi link in Mosley S&M Orgy scandal

This one probably deserves its own post, and I’m not the one to write it. Bourn?