Note: Wishes were placed in order of desire and/or feasibility
Santa's little helper just got a little bigger...10. Brett Favre announces his retirement. Nobody listens nor cares. After walking out of the Jets press room, heading out of the building and crossing the street, he immediately turns around, walks back towards the building and gets hit by a bus. Nobody stops nor cares. Listen. I don't wish any ill will upon anyone. But good God am I sick of Brett Favre. And I've only heard his name like 30 times in the past week. That's a huge drop-off from the average. As a matter of fact, I actually like aging superstars that don't have a snowcone's chance in hell of ever maintaining whatever semblance of actual (not to mention blown-out-of-proportion-by-fans) skill he/she may have had. Bring it on, Bonds! Just try it out in a shoot around, Mike! Keep swinging 'till you drop, Evander! But damnit. If you can't do it without annoying the entire nation - including a fan base that once worshipped you - then just go away.
Nobody {sniff} cares about me {sniff, sniff} anymore.
9. After seeing what the Yankees have been doing (and knowing what the Red Sox do), the Jays, deciding to do so before they cannot reciprocate any value from him, trade Roy Halladay. To the Braves. Look is this really that impossible? If I were the Blue Jays I would totally do this. Okay that's a complete fucking lie, but still. Would the Braves be a contender with this addition? No. Would they be more entertaining to watch? If you enjoy defensive pitching match-ups, then Yes. Every 4-5 days. But Dawc Halladay is the best pitcher in baseball right now, according to multiple sources of data compiled here at Sue's. Including 4 seasons worth of fantasy. I would try to see the Braves every time Dawc was on the mound. Hey, Blue Jays! Dawc's contract is up, soon! Don't you want some crappy prospects in exchange?
You need a change of scenery, yo
8. The return of The Rock for a solid year to the WWE. This may be the only way we can get SJF to be entertained by wrestling, folks. Also only thing that could allow Sue's to have interesting content about wrestling, or get me watching in earnest again. Otherwise, we may be looking at the total absence of wrestling at Sue's come '09.
Or you could play a gay folks singing wannabe actor opposite Travolta...
7. A Georgia win in the Capitol One Bowl. Your favorite team in one of the best bowls outside of a BCS bowl game and you only list this at #7? What gives, Sue's? Several reasons that this wish is ranked so low - lower than, say, even Florida winning their bowl game. For one, after the insane expectations of the preseason, this anticlimactic game would only marginally serve our broken spirits better if we win. At this point, I really don't think Dawg fans will weep too much for our season with a 9-4, rather than a 10-3. Then there's the irrational hope that a loss will compel our superstars to return for another season, not wanting to leave behind a legacy of mediocrity that could so easily be overcome by a new class of recruits one day. Hopefully, these boys want to be legends. But, more than anything, it's one game. The Hawks still have the rest of the season, and SEC Snobbery can go well into the '09 season with another dismantling in the BCS title game. The placement is accurate, I assure you.
Could this really be our lasting impression?
5. The Atlanta Hawks to find a better bench. Perhaps the best starting five from several different standpoints, but that bench will not take you very far, if anywhere, come playoffs time (Note: DAP to the Baby Hawks for even having me speak about the playoffs as a foregone conclusion in December)
This, could be, an improvement.
3. A drunken New Year's encounter with Miss SEC Poon USA. OBJ has a girlfriend and is very, very happy with her. However, there is no doubt that when confronted with the overwhelming slickness of the combined macking might of Runaround Sue's, Jammin's stellar wingman play and Friday's "Joe Cool" approach in the pocket would win poor Lane's heart quicker than spit drying on a Phoenix pavement in August.
Not sure where you're looking,
but you should be keeping one of those beautiful blues on Sue's.
2. Mathew Stafford to stay the fuck away from the NFL draft, for one more year. Matt, buddy, TRUST me, you don't want to play in Detriot. The city's about to implode on itself, probably by government design. Stay and you're the king. Leave and you're liable to be the 2nd or 3rd string quarterback for the Ravens in 3 years. Do you really want to move from Athens, to Detriot, to Baltimore??
1. Knowshon Moreno to stay the fuck away from the NFL draft, for one more year. Look hear, Knowshon. We all know you have what it takes to compete in the NFL. But do you really want to leave as a 2nd-round draft pick? Do you really want to leave without contending for a title? Without definitively being known as at least the second best running back in Georgia history? I know you already have that beautiful former Georgia gymnast girlfriend, but won't you miss the scenery?
Nobody {sniff} cares about me {sniff, sniff} anymore.9. After seeing what the Yankees have been doing (and knowing what the Red Sox do), the Jays, deciding to do so before they cannot reciprocate any value from him, trade Roy Halladay. To the Braves. Look is this really that impossible? If I were the Blue Jays I would totally do this. Okay that's a complete fucking lie, but still. Would the Braves be a contender with this addition? No. Would they be more entertaining to watch? If you enjoy defensive pitching match-ups, then Yes. Every 4-5 days. But Dawc Halladay is the best pitcher in baseball right now, according to multiple sources of data compiled here at Sue's. Including 4 seasons worth of fantasy. I would try to see the Braves every time Dawc was on the mound. Hey, Blue Jays! Dawc's contract is up, soon! Don't you want some crappy prospects in exchange?
You need a change of scenery, yo8. The return of The Rock for a solid year to the WWE. This may be the only way we can get SJF to be entertained by wrestling, folks. Also only thing that could allow Sue's to have interesting content about wrestling, or get me watching in earnest again. Otherwise, we may be looking at the total absence of wrestling at Sue's come '09.
Or you could play a gay folks singing wannabe actor opposite Travolta...7. A Georgia win in the Capitol One Bowl. Your favorite team in one of the best bowls outside of a BCS bowl game and you only list this at #7? What gives, Sue's? Several reasons that this wish is ranked so low - lower than, say, even Florida winning their bowl game. For one, after the insane expectations of the preseason, this anticlimactic game would only marginally serve our broken spirits better if we win. At this point, I really don't think Dawg fans will weep too much for our season with a 9-4, rather than a 10-3. Then there's the irrational hope that a loss will compel our superstars to return for another season, not wanting to leave behind a legacy of mediocrity that could so easily be overcome by a new class of recruits one day. Hopefully, these boys want to be legends. But, more than anything, it's one game. The Hawks still have the rest of the season, and SEC Snobbery can go well into the '09 season with another dismantling in the BCS title game. The placement is accurate, I assure you.
Could this really be our lasting impression?6. Another blowout in the BCS National Championship by an SEC team. 3rd in a row and fourth in six years dating back to LSU's 2003 Championship? Yes, please. Actually, I'm more concerned about Florida losing than I am about them not winning. If they win, you will hear about a week's worth of "And once again the SEC proves why there's so much talk about them being such a far superior conference, and why there are so many SEC Snobs." If they lose, you'll hear a month's worth of "The SEC was having a down year, and Florida got into this game on the merits of predetermined ideas about the conference. Perhaps USC should've been in the game?" In any case, any even that allows for SEC Snobbery to reach new heights receives Sue's stamp of approval.
This, could be, an improvement.4. The Atlanta Hawks to find a way to play up-tempo offense without sacrificing their much-improved D. You've got the athleticism, Hawks. Use it.
Not sure where you're looking,but you should be keeping one of those beautiful blues on Sue's.
1. Knowshon Moreno to stay the fuck away from the NFL draft, for one more year. Look hear, Knowshon. We all know you have what it takes to compete in the NFL. But do you really want to leave as a 2nd-round draft pick? Do you really want to leave without contending for a title? Without definitively being known as at least the second best running back in Georgia history? I know you already have that beautiful former Georgia gymnast girlfriend, but won't you miss the scenery?
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