Sobered Up - Week 12

Never too early to look ahead to Tech

Well, well, well. Look where we are, fellas. 9-2 with another at-least-ten win season staring us right in the face. Beat our growing-on-me every day in-state rivals, and we're staring down 11 wins. Fail to do that and we get another chance at 10 in whichever crappy bowl game we skulk into. Informed Dawg fans knew we were looking at a two-loss season. We were hoping for one.

Take this Auburn "win" for example. Just shoddy all over the fucking place, guys. The worst tackling I've seen since becoming a Georgia fan, narrowly beating out the WVU Sugar Bowl. A last second touchdown-pass-that-wasn't that couldn't been Auburns' Michael Johnson had they caught it. The one bright spot, other than the notch in the "W" column, was once again Knowshon. I know you've been waiting for it, Knowshon, so here's Sue's advice: don't go to the NFL. Please. It's what's best for you. With your 22 carries for 131 yards, your butt will just be another target for bench splinters. So, with your additional 4 receptions for 58 yards and a TD, just come back to us. Don't make me start singing Boyz II Men. you Da Main, Knowshon.

But if I could have told you that we were 9-2 heading into rivalry weekend, going 3-1 in the brutal road stretch that was the last four weeks, you probably wouldn't have been too upset. Of course that was before UT and Auburn decided to blow each other rather than practice football, but the point remains. Georgia is still an exceptional program. Judging by Sue's collective thoughts as well as the pervasive mentality throughout the blogosphere, it is virtually universally agreed that the problems inherent in Georgia are immediately fixable. We don't have a lack of talent - we have a lack of utilization of that talent. Is a coaching change necessary? Possibly. These players should not be unmotivated at any time. They should be crushing folk. And these penalties? I used to cringe at Georgia's tackling methods over the past decade or so...it always seemed that two to three Dawgs on D would come running in, full force and head-first on a play that was clearly dead, a player that was clearly down. Several late hits called during these times. But I would KILL [a Georgia Tech fan] for those days. Solid tackling AND penalties that were actually worth a damn? Sign me the fuck up!

But these are thoughts better left to CMR. We need an immediate fix for the now. Look, Georgia is way more talented than Vandy, UK or Auburn. We should have destroyed those teams. If Georgia comes out looking lackadaiscal with poor tackling against Tech, there's a very good chance we could lose. We're talking about the folks with the Perfect Option here, people!

This would work immensely better if they weren't
taking themselves so gosh darn seriously.

If you think Dawg fans are walking lethargic avenue now, see what happens if we lose against Georgia Blech. As the good Senator aptly points out, while Florida is generally considered amongst the most passionate and informed Dawgs to be the biggest game of the year, Blech is definitely the game we most hate to lose. Perhaps that's because GT plays in the horrid ACC which is a huge bitch slap to lose to, or perhaps an entire generation of fans is used to having our asses handed to us for a Halloween present by now. Either way, Dogs, stop worrying about that now-LONG-gone #1 ranking and Finish. The Fucking. Drill. Hey, maybe you can even pull the 'ol 'Walking with the football haphazardly shielded by the QB's sternum' play action out of retirement. I can't remember any time it didn't work...

Can't let Georgia Blech be the only team with a vid, can we?

And in a follow-up to last week's MNF address on the state of College Football, 'Bammer reiterated his platform on Sunday's 60 minutes, meaning a considerable 1.37% of football's target demographic was tuned in. Quick to answer was John Swofford, BCS coordinator, who essentially congratulated Obama and then told him to suck an egg. 'Bammer said he would "Throw [his] weight around a little [because] it's the right thing to do" to which the BCS responded blah blah blah blah. Ugh and sigh. Look 'Bammer. Let me make it easy for you: Bush stepping in and demanding something be done about steroids in baseball = good, useful (although it shouldn't have been - we'd like to think that MLB would have gotten it under control but can you honestly say they would have without the push?) and at least plausibly relevant due to Bush's former positions. Namely, owner of a MLB team. On the other hand, you pushing hard, twice in a week, for a college football playoff = pointless, arrogant and completely useless. You're not going to do anything, Barack. The system will change when a better one is discovered. Period. Oh, and a quick suggestion. Why don't you throw your weight in the general direction of our FRIGGIN' economy? I got bills for shit I don't even KNOW about, man! I got friends still trudging in the Middle East. Why the hell are you even talking about fucking college football!?

And Louisville is 5-5, everybody! Hey Loo-ie, how in the hell can you suck SO bad that you're 1-4 in the Big East?! Everything Petrino built for your program is lying in wreckage all over your campus. And with Rutgers and West Virgina coming up, the Cardinals have a very good chance of going 5-7 with a 1-6 conference record. You know, you really should have known better when you hired someone named "Kragthorpe." It sounds like something bad, y'know? Like some sort of inoperable anal fissure, or something. "Shit. Did you hear what happened to Johnny? He got a fucking kragthorpe so bad he bled to death in 10 minutes. Made a huge mess all over the MARTA bus, too." Looks like the 'Ville's going to be shopping for a new coach this offseason. Color me surprised (close in color to cardinal red!) if they aren't.

Okay, I'm ready to say it. And by the way, any time between 2000 and last year, I never would have been able to dream of providing positive words for Alabama or Florida at this point in the season. But when Alabama plays Florida for the national title - whoops! I mean SEC Championship - we may be looking at the two best coaches in NCAA Football. I'm just not sure how Saban's going to get his team so freakin' motivated that they topple Florida in this one. Look 'Bamma. You're a good team. The epitome of solid this year. Incredibly motivated to play at or above your potential every second of the game. But since Florida lost to 'Ole Miss, Florida has opened up their playbook and just straight murdered people left and friggin right. And yes, Tebow's tear-filled address to Gator fans that they would play with more "passion" than ever before for the rest of the season is clear indication to me that he knew Meyer was about to let go of the leashes. Your only warning, 'Bama: Florida is going to kill you.

His eyes are on the Tide...

Oh, and nevermind that Meyer looks like Shia LeBeouf. While they both may be utter tools, this remarkable resemblance is little more than coincidence. Come to play, 'Bamma.

Separated at birth, they both amazingly found their ways back to the tool shed.

Hey, how 'bout that 70-30 barn burner in Houston? Props to Houston for scoring more points in quarters two and three, respectively, than Georgia scored in their entire game. Bravo! Can I jump on your bandwagon? Anything that gives the city of Houston something to cheer about is okay with Sue. Not a bad city, really. Just ugly, stupid, and not really fun. In any case, this sounds like really fun football.

Then we have these splendid games featuring the cream of the ACC crop, NC State, Maryland, Wake Forest, North Carolina, Miami and Virgina Tech. Wee if you can guess which teams go where: 21-17, 17-15 and 16-14. Isn't the ACC suck-o-round fun? Seriously ACC how badly can you suck? Haven't you listened to Sue's speeches trying to invigorate you? Do any of you even want to play in your pathetic conference championship? The only thing I'm looking forward to about it is to see how few people show up. In any case, these sound about as fun to watch as live footage of your own face melting off. Or the UGA-AUB game.

A sincere congratulations to Vandy on their bowl-eligible win. Going bowling for the first time in 26 years sounds more like a Hallmark channel inspirational story about a man born with no arms who builds his own prosthetic limbs, but damnit, there's a warm spot in my heart for you, 'Dores. By golly, you're probably my 2nd favorite SEC East team (you're consistent suckiness over the years is a likely contributor). I'm a big fan of underdogs, and I'll be rooting for you hardcore in whichever bowl game you get.

Before we move on to Sue's Top 10/Mumme Poll, we at Sue's would like to express our sadness knowing that there will only be two "Sobered Ups" left in the '08 College Football Season. As a rule we do not look forward, at least with terrifying, friend-losing focus, to the next season until around March or so. So that's a solid two months without College Football talk here, and frankly I'm a little scared. If I throw up a post about golf, boxing or hockey, I'm very likely just moments away from committing suicide via chair-throw to Florida State receivers. Just saying.

On to the Poll!

1. Alabama - Look, Florida could seriously be placed here with little or no complaints by our constituents. For the sake of UF's one loss and the fact that the top four will be sorted out with no room for complaints within two weeks, we'll go ahead and leave the Tide at #1.
2. Texas Tech - I can't say that you have a true test this weekend. I've already said your test awaits at least twice. You're legit, Tech. Even though my mom's Alma Mater is Oklahoma, I'll be rooting for you.
3. FU - In honor of one of the coolest hats I've ever seen, playing on UF only changing the letters around to say FU, which is about how I feel towards Florida and their winning ways.
4. Texas
5. Oklahoma
6. Penn State - That Oregon State win is looking mighty good right now, PSU.
7. USC - That Oregon State loss is mighty tough to look at right now, isn't it USC. Without going through all the "if they win or lose" possibilities, here are your possibilities for the 2008-2009 Rose Bowl if USC-PSU doesn't pan out: USC - Ohio State, USC- Michigan State, Michigan State - Oregon State, or Oregon State-Penn State. Hey, why don't we just see how many Hot Wheels cars we can shove up our nose before our brains hemorrhage, instead?
8. Oklahoma State
9. Ohio State
10. Utah

Mumme Extra Two: Utah's finally moved ahead of Georgia this week, due primarily to the perceived difference of how a typical Utah fan and a typical Georgia fan would've reacted if both had played the same game against Auburn last Saturday. Georgia fans were complacent and hung their heads a little lower, knowing that our expectations were WAY freaking off. Utah fans would have been freaking out, methinks. With that being said: UGA and Missouri round out our last two.