Running around to Give you the Reacharound


Late Blight

As reported by dozens of sources first before Sue's, Matthew Stafford will appear on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon tonight.

Wow. You're taking two of my least favorite people right now and putting them together for a 10-minute bit. I feel as if I should watch this for the sports relevancy, but 5'll get you 10 you will learn absolutely nothing from this and come away feeling about as smart as a tube of toothpaste. But then, who knows? Maybe, just MAYBE, something interesting will happen.
This can't end well. Can it?

Perhaps through some inexplicable osmotic interaction between the two of these douches, they will take on some of each other's personality traits. It wouldn't be unprecedented. I mean, it happens in the WWE all the time (see: Big Show losing to Floyd Mayweather, Jr. but somehow gaining the uber-destructive Knockout Punch, Shawn Michaels now using the Figure Four Leglock after ending Ric Flair's career, Kurt Angle lifting the Leg Lock from Ken Shamrock, et. al). Hell, Mega Man did this virtually every time he encountered someone! And let's not forget a Sue's favorite, the Highlander. Perhaps we'll get lucky and one of these twats will behead the other tonight?
Will we see some sort of symbiotic merger of personalities rivaling Mega Man proportions?

If this sort of personality switch does happen, we can only assume that Jimmy Fallon will immediately bolt from his program to join a show that pays more money but is considerably less in quality (is it possible to drop in quality from the Fallon Show?)...we'll say, Rosie comes back and he cohosts with her for a record tv contract. And Stafford? I can only assume that after each play in his could-be-short-as-hell career, he'll turn to the camera, pull of his helmet and provide the most douche-tastic smile and giggle after throwing a weak-ass interception.

Unfortunately, yes. These are the thoughts that swim through my head.


Anonymous said...

Dude, what is your problem with Matt Stafford? Did he fuck your girl? Did he teabag you when you were drunk and post the pics on his Kodak Gallery? For God's sake, man, the guy lead his team as a freshman through a hell of a finish rebuilding year, to #2 (and robbed of the chance at #1) his second year, and brought us our first #1 ranking (albeit preseason) since Mork and Mindy were the shit. Sure, last year was a bit of a disappointment, but that wasn't the offense's fault. This kid could've gone to any school in the country, including the hometown Longhorns. He gave us three solid years and split for almost $50 MILLION guaranteed! You think you wouldn't have taken the money and run? Football season's coming, spend your time and effort talking shit about Tebow or Brandon Sikes. Calm down hater.

Jesse said...

His point is legit. There's a reason everyone outside of UGAy calls him Matt "Pick-6" Stafford. Unfortunately for you, you're just another dumb blinded mutt fan that thinks every player to go through that school is legit.

Osama Bin Jammin said...


My seemingly irrational irreverance for Stafford stems from a much deeper appreciation for my school's football program than just a winning team or media exposure. Part of what lends credibility to my belief that as a Georgia Bulldog I'm better than anyone else is the history behind my school. Call it tradition. Call it pageantry. But a flashy top-recruit quarterback that admitted - both before and after his arrival to UGA - that he never cared where he went to college and only wanted to be an NFL quarterback, not to mention one that enters his first game (already up 30+ points against Georgia Southern) to roaring cheers from the crowd chanting his name and never even takes me to a single SEC Championship, is not a player that will receive much fellatio around Sue's. He's a solid QB, fine. But he's one person to come through Athens I just won't root for simply because he played for us. He ain't a Dawg, plain and simple.

On a side note, get a profile so you're not posting Anon anymore. What's the point of voicing an anonymous opinion? Seems counter productive.


Florida not treating you well, recently? You seem a little eager to attack others. Don't forget there's plenty of Bulldog fans out there that never once even considered the prospect of rooting for Quincy Carter. And that was when he was playing for the 'Boys.


mike honcho said...

I hit anonymous b/c I was in a hurry. Not because I'm hiding from your wit, playa.

Despite your poor attempt at rationalizing your contempt for the guy, I still think you come up short of question posted to you - would you turn down 42 million GUARANTEED for the chance to come back and finish runner up to Tebow and enjoy dollar beer night at Toppers?

As for your argument that he came to UGA just to go pro, wouldn't he have been better off going to more qb prolific school? Maybe he came to Athens b/c he liked the program, the city, the coaches, the school, going to school with his sister - does that mean that any other top recruit coming to Georgia is just in it for the NFL?

I mean, come on, he played for Georgia for 3 years. Do you hate Knowshon? Champ Bailey? Thomas Davis? Are you going to hate AJ Green?

Jesse said...

Actually no, Florida is going quite well for me in fact. I just had my third son recently, I make twice as much as I did three years ago, I've still got a job, and I've still got my house. So yeah, I'd say I'm doing quite well here in Freak-ville.

You know, I hesitated responding because it meant I had to defend a UGAg fan, but I went with it because you guys have been two of the more reasonable Dawg fans I've met recently, even with your claimed SEC snobbishness. You have always come across as one who doesn't see things through rose colored glasses, and I agree with your points on Stafford.

I now see I should have not intervened on this petty in-fighting between two UGAy fans. If you two want to argue over the merits of Stafford to the university, then by all means go right ahead.

As for your beloved history, how's the manhunt going? You guys got any more professors up there ready to go off the handle? Make sure you remove that off the recruiting fliers, it could be slightly detrimental to your efforts.

Osama Bin Jammin said...


I'd do it for a million. Haven't you seen the economy? Everyone's suffering. Except...


A sincere congratulations on the successful delivery of your son. And during Spring time, too. How appropriate.

Both of you are getting me fired up about college football and it's not even May. Love it.


Jesse said...

Haha, thanks bro! I was thoroughly excited and ready for it. The boy is a haus too!

As for the college football topic, I only have one more thing to add. I believe that most fans think that while the players are at their favorite college of choice, those players are infallable and are, well, the shizzle. If those same fans are also avid NFL fans, and they are like me, then they probably can draw the line between fan felatio and objective pro evaluations. The problem lies when the fan can't or refuses to distinguish between the two.

I'm a huge GT fan, but when it comes to my Falcons, where a guy played in college has no impact on my evaluation of him. Either the kid can ball or he can't. Sure, I would be totally stoked if my hometown NFL team took a player from my hometown college team, but I would not agree with it if it wasn't in the best interest for my team. CJ to the Falcons, yes please! Reggie Ball, hell no! I would not have opposed to picking up Massaquoi or AJ Green next year either. Those guys can play and make some amazing catches. Which leads me to...

Stafford. Stafford can ball, there's no doubt about that. But I think his hype exceed his true ability. The guy was surrounded by ridiculous talent at all skill positions and those WR's pulled down some wild throws of his. I think he'll do good in the NFL, but he's not exactly being put into the best possible situation to succeed. He makes too many errant lame duck throws and I think he forces his throws more often than he has too. With no line to protect him in Detroit, and no amazing rushing game to keep the opposing defenses honest, I think he's going to end up being another Joey Harrington and might have a decent comeback later like Pennington.

That's just my opinion.

Osama Bin Jammin said...

Well put, Jesse. I agree on all fronts. The one thing Stafford will have is an exceptional WR, which could go far in terms of Stafford's anti-Harrington development, but it won't save his career if the Lions don't have some semblance of a line and/or above average running game.

On a side note, I've got a joke for you to tell all your friends:

A guy named Jesse walks into a Florida bar, and proceeds to buy everyone in the bar a round.

"My wife just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! My 3rd son is a haus at 56 lbs, too! Drinks on me!"

Jesse and his future-football playing son are the talk of the bar for more than a week, when Jesse again steps into the bar.

"Well, now. How much does your son way now, Jesse?" asks the bartender.

"41 lbs. He's a big boy, ain't he!?"

"But just last week you said 56 lbs. How could your boy lose 15 pounds in a week? You pulling a fast one on us, Jesse?"

"Nope," says Jesse. "We got 'em circumcised."

Jesse said...

Haha, that was awesome! Yeah, he was 8 lbs 13.5 oz, biggest of all three. And I'm sure all three of them will get plenty of football with their milk.