Lamest Preview Ever!

Warning: Might be a painting and/or photoshop. Damn I miss KVH.

There was once a time when college basketball was my favorite sport. During this time, I also detested the fact that college football was discussed on the Atlanta radio airways during the spring. I'm pretty sure I was also watching like four episodes of Saved By The Bell each day, and I definitely didn't have a girlfriend.

So while the mid-nineties may have been the halcyon days of college basketball, it definitely wasn't a time period I personally enjoy remembering. But just for the sake of this post, allow me to take a step back to the 1995-1996 college basketball season, the year after Kevin Garnett opened the floodgates to the NBA. Kobe Bryant was still a high school senior, and the following players were playing college basketball that season:


Freshmen
Stephon Marbury
Shareef Abdur-Rahim
Chauncey Billups
Paul Pierce
Ron Mercer
Antawn Jamison
Vince Carter
Tractor Traylor


Sophomores
Allen Iverson
Antonie Walker
Lorenzen Wright
Adonayl Foyle
Michael Doleac
Matt Harpring
Felipe Lopez
Bonzi Wells
Danny Fortson
Maurice Taylor


Juniors
Tim Duncan
Keith Van Horn
Ray Allen
Kerry Kittles
Erick Dampier
Brevin Knight
Derek Anderson
Austin Croshere
Bobby Jackson


Seniors
Steve Nash
Tony Delk
John Wallace
Othella Harrington
Todd Fuller - eh, he was good in college...not "pick him ahead of Kobe good," but still.

So anyways, yeah...it was an awesome season and an excellent tourney, highlighted by a Tubby Smith-coached, senior-heavy Georgia team reaching the Sweet 16 and losing in triple overtime to eventual national runner-up Syracuse on a last second 3-pointer by John Wallace. Rick Pitino's final Kentucky team won the whole thing with a loaded roster featuring seven future pro players (Toine, Mercer, Delk, Anderson, Walter McCarty, Mark Pope, and ole boy Jeff Sheppard- I'm pretty sure he was on a crappy Hawks team at some point).

Anyways, since that season, the talent level, quality of play, Georgia's success and my overall interest in college basketball has diminished over time. It has now reached a point where other than following the Hoop Dawgs, I don't even know what's going on in the sport until the tournament. In fact, I get pissed it seems that 95% of all prime-time sports programming in January-mid March is some college basketball game I couldn't care less about. Hey, it happens. I used to be a hockey fan as well.

Still though, there is nothing like the NCAA tournament. Don't worry, I'm not about to pull a Wilbon turn this into a pulpit on why college football needs a playoff, but since I really don't have a vested interest in the regular season, the tournament makes for a fun three weeks of single elimination basketball, similar to the World Cup or the WBC. Who can't get behind that?

Anyways, enough of my gay thoughts and feelings about college basketball. Onto some final thoughts and then predictions from two guys that have watched a combined 16 minutes of action thus far this season (14 of which were by accident):

• I've finished in the Top 3 of my bracket pool each of the last three seasons. Prior to that, I'd never finished in the Top 10. On a related note, the only thing lamer than listening to someone talk about their fantasy team is hearing them talk about their fucking bracket. Oh you almost picked B.C. over Michigan State? WHO FUCKING CARES?

• Anyways, if you want to do well in your bracket, here's a trick: pick (mostly) all the favorites. Just to prove I'm not a sadist, I make it a point to take one "sleeper" to the Sweet Sixteen each year - this year's is WKU. I guess their win over that hoss UGA team just suckered me right in - but other than that, I'm playing it safe the rest of the way. Because, after all, that's why these teams are favored, damnit. You wouldn't bet the moneyline on an underdog just because it's "more fun to pick that team!" So why would you not apply the same mentality to a pool where you could win hundreds of dollars?
  

• Memo to ESPN: "President has 11 of 16 picks correct on first day" is NOT a fucking news story.
  

• If Big East fans want to borrow the SEC Snobbery handbook for this tournament, you've earned it. As many #1 seeds as the SEC has teams in the whole tourney is impressive, no doubt. Just make sure it's returned by August.

• And finally, here's Runaround Sue's degenerate gambling game for NCAA '09. $25 to each other for every Sweet 16 team correctly picked. $50 for every Elite 8 squad. $75 for each Final Four participant, $100 per team in the championship game, and another $100 for the champion (yes, even gamblers feel the economic crunch). This may seem like alot of scrilla is changing hands but not so, seeing as how OBJ is apparantly following the "pick the favorite" strategy, which will make for one boring pool! Onto the picks:

Sweet 16 (teams we both picked in black, OBJ picks in red, my picks in blue):
Louisville
Wake Forest
Kansas
Michigan State
UCONN
Missouri
Pittsburgh
Xavier
Duke
North Carolina
Oklahoma
Mississippi State
Maryland (Shanoff alert!)
Arizona State
Gonzaga
UCLA
Purdue
Memphis
Villanova
Western Kentucky
Syracuse

Elite 8:
Louisville
Kansas
UCONN
Missouri
Pittsburgh
UNC
Oklahoma
UCLA
Duke

Final Four:
Louisville
UCONN
Pittsburgh
North Carolina

(I'm telling you...BALLS OF STEEL, ladies)

Championship Game:
Pittsburgh over Louisville
Louisville over UNC

Just to let y'all know ahead of time...I almost picked Oklahoma over North Carolina.

You Can't WBC Me!

Sue's contacted John Cena to co-brand the You Can't WBC Me message,
but he was too busy preparing for Wrestlemania.

I remember watching the Spice channel as a young teen. Mind you, all I was truly doing was listening to the Spice channel, whilst staring at a distorted picture...that may show a boob every now and then! Oddly - yet deeply and undeniably - satisfying. Now, as a hormone-drenched adolescent this reference may seem extreme. Perhaps confusing. A bit crude. But if I had an interest in offing my rocks as an adult, attempting this same deplorable act of self-help? Then you have tonight's elimination game between Puerto Rico and USA.

And if you look reeeeeeal closely...you can see an ass. Or a colander.
Then again it kinda looks like a Dog in a Bathtub.

Now, I'm sitting here, trying to watch the game, as NO DOUBT COUNTLESS OTHER FUCKING PEOPLE are. And what do I get? I get to watch on Gamecast! I get to wait for a tiny computer generated baseball to appear from an empty computer generated pitcher's mound and wait for the stats to update. Really, MLB? David Wright says this is the greatest baseball moment of his life. You're trying to capture the imagination of the world with this thing, through moments like this, and the most prominent presence of Major League talent is blacked the fuck out? Forget, for a moment, that it's the United States baseball team. Let me put aside my bias of wanting to watch my home team, in a global contest constructed by the commissioner of a league that was created and exists in my country. How's about we simply look at plain old common sense. You want people to be interested in this, yes? People in China, Sweden, Afghanistan, Iraq (now I'm feeling like P. Diddy), etc. to want to watch? I'm assuming you didn't create this Classic just for your own amusement...and if you did, MAD FUCKING DAP, ASSHOLES.

But if you did create this to garner interest from the rest of the world...and you know for a fact that the world doesn't watch any baseball as much as it watches MLB, why wouldn't you put the team with arguably the most amount of relevant, top-of-their game (Sue's be eyeballing you Pedro. Pudge.) players from MLB on television? You aren't receiving enough money to broadcast it on ESPN? Pull a Clippers and PAY SOMEONE TO AIR THAT SHIT. People want to watch the USA play, guys. It doesn't matter who played in tonight's game, everyone in the world that cares about baseball would've found it of interest. The fact that it was the US coming back in the bottom of the ninth makes it compelling to millions across the globe. This is bullshit.

Instead of watching this awesome game, I was watching computer graphics, all the while texting SJF with "scoring" updates. A quick recap of the game reveals that it had, oh I don't know, just a few plays that maybe would have made this the most interesting game to watch thus far in the '09 Classic:

Diving narrow-escape safe-at-the-plate score by Wright? McCann HR robbed by an incredible catch by Beltran? Slobber-knocked bomber by Yook to left center? Goofy inexplicable play with a ball bouncing off the runner (Victorino) at second? Bottom of the ninth one out walk with the bases loaded (nice steal, Victorino! Why am I afraid that your name tells me you're going to be playing for Columbia next year? Does that make me racist? Who knows!) to get the U.S. within one before Wright hits the game-tying/winning single to score two punctuated by the type of impressive American pile-up in the middle of the field worthy of a goose neck on the highway (Dap to the Americans' camaraderie!)? "What a finish! says Linda Cohen. Great, fuck stick. Why wasn't it on?

Oh, I know why. Because East Lansing was playing Oregon in the NIT. Of FUCKING COURSE!! Because everyone is celebrating St. Patty's Day and wants to get hammered enough at the bar to aimlessly watch crappy college basketball and pretend to care! I kid it was UNLV vs Kentucky, but does it really matter?

Sue's has stated over and over and once again the malcontent so obviously evident in not ensuring that the most compelling team - not only to Americans but likely to the rest of the world - is aired on television. So I'm 'gonna go ahead and say it, WBC (I know you're reading this). If you don't have the rest of the US squad's games televised, and continue to jerk me by making me jerk it to nothing but sound and a squiggly screen, I'm not following after this Classic.

Legal Disclaimer: Sue's does not apologize for any misdirected feelings of offense stemming from allegedly perceived offense to metaphors that may, or may not contain slight instances of graphic hyperbole.

Your Daily WBC Update

Okay, allow me one more foray into the "why isn't this tournament taken seriously here" questioning.

New thought: Baseball doesn't necessarily lend itself to the round robin/single-elimination tournament format. Baseball games, unlike other sports, can be won on any given night by any given team due in large part to pitching matchups.

For example, it's really not that big a deal for the Pirates to beat the Yankees in mid-July. In a four game series, the Yankees would probably win 2-3 games on average over a team like the Pirates. Unlike in basketball and football, one game is an extremely small sample size in baseball, especially when you are trying to determine who really is "the best team."

Therefore, it can be harder to take a tournament seriously when a team of 20+ major leaguers loses to a rag-tag bunch from Holland (err, Holland's territories) in a couple of one run games and be promptly dumped from contention. Basically, I have just rehashed Billy Beane's entire argument from Moneyball as to why the playoffs, specifically the best-of-five Divisional Series', are a complete crapshoot. This could be why it's hard to feel as though the true "best country" has been crowned baseball king of the world.

However, it still doesn't excuse getting mercy-ruled by a territory you OWN.

Onto the nightly notes:

I had completely forgotten that South Korea actually won the last installment of baseball in the Olympics in Beijing. As they handed Oliver Perez his second straight drubbing last night, winning 8-2 in an overwhelmingly pro-Mexican environment in San Diego, they're looking as dangerous as any team remaining in the tournament.

Dice-K last night: 6IP, 5 hits (all singles), 0R, 8K, 0BB. I've had this guy on my fantasy team the last two seasons and I think that may be his best start in the states ever. Seriously. He just does not drop lines like that in MLB play.

So long to the nice story that was the Netherlands. Sure, they had absolutely no offense to speak of damn near the whole tournament and got outscored by 20+ runs, but hey, we need more VanderHousensmits playing ball. I promise in 2013 not to bitch about y'all being invited to this thing, as long as you change your name to the "Dutch Antilles."

So the U.S. lives another day and will play another elimination game tomorrow against the loser of tonight's Puerto Rico-Venezuela matchup. Jimmy Rollins and Brian Roberts brought the bats, and Roy Oswalt pitched four shutout innings in a 9-3 win. And some jackass reliever from the Marlins nearly started a bench clearing brawl against the friggin' Dutch due to some Dutch player staring at a HR too long. Hey douchebag, maybe this Dutch guy was just shocked that there was a U.S. pitcher shitty enough to give up a homer to FUCKIN' HOLLAND. Anyways, the pitcher is now injured and heading home. I nominate Brandon Webb to replace him.

It was Robert's first appearance with the team, as he was added to replace the injured Dustin Pedroia. Chipper Jones and Ryan Braun also left the game (and now the team) with injuries, leading to a comical situation where Brian McCann was playing left field in the 9th inning. Chipper says his injury could just have easily as happened in spring training, and anyone who's surprised by his injury or puts the blame on the WBC probably HASN'T BEEN FOLLOWING CHIPPER'S CAREER THE LAST 6 YEARS. Anyways, here's to a speedy recovery by opening day.

However, the Chipper-Braun-Pedroia injuries bring up an interesting point. Why the hell does the U.S. have to resort to bringing in Brian Robers halfway through the tourney? Why are they putting a chubby catcher in left field? Shouldn't these teams be assembled and managed like actual baseball teams with intentions of winning the tournament (pitch counts notwithstanding)?

We've already seen the Dominicans lose a game because they decided to enter this Classic without a true first baseman. The U.S. brought 15 pitchers (mostly relievers, another dumb move) to this thing. Could they not have used one or two of those spots on another outfielder? And if your backup LF (Chipper) is out for the game, it's probably not a good idea to use up anyone else who could possibly play that position (Youkilis, Dunn, DeRosa, Victorino). Rick Sutcliffe mentioned this last night, but teams need to start thinking about winning this tournament, not just throwing together a bunch of names or taking the first available volunteers.

Don't know if anyone caught Jake Peavy's interview last night, but if OBJ's mancrush on Doc Halladay rules the roost, I'm ridin' with Peavy. Dude made no excuses for his performace, explained the issues with hitting his spots and his inability to make adjustments in such a short stint on the mound, said his velocity is still there and his arm feels good, then said he loves the WBC, his country and he wishes he could play in this thing every year. Class act. I can't wait to see him and Oswalt in Braves unis in 2013 when they're past their prime.

3 Quick Notes on the WBC

1. Team USA was mercy-ruled 11-1 by Puerto Rico last night, and needs to beat the Netherlands today in order to avoid elimination. WHERE HAS ALL THE CAMARADERIE GONE!?!?!

2. Of interest to Braves (and Padres, i suppose) fans: Jake Peavy's ERA thus far is 14.40 in four innings pitched. Javier Vazquez has a 0.96 ERA in eight innings of work.

3. Think the WBC has no cache? Check out this facinating read on the controversy surrounding Team Venezuela. Political drama, media censorship, fans booing their own players and more. I think it's safe to say these games mean quite a bit more to that squad than the U.S. team. Different worlds.

This afternoon it's Cuba/Japan, US/Netherlands and if you love baseball even more than me, Korea/Mexico. Screw Selection Sunday. Tonight might be your last chance to see a Team USA baseball squad for four years. You'll watch plenty of basketball the rest of March.

Hawk Tawk, Shocked, Doc?

Because I am sick and tired of hearing people bitch about the economy, I went against common sense and attended three Hawks games this week (Pistons, Hornets, Pacers). I just felt like if I give the Atlanta Spirit more of my (not) hard-earned cash, maybe they could settle their differences. That, and I'm a sucker for mixing live basketball and $5 jumbo beers from the CNN Center.

So, with apologies to Braves and Birds, here's 10 thoughts and/or observations on the Hawks and their recent four game winning streak.

1. It was really nice to be on the other end of that Pacers game last night. In previous years, it was the Hawks that jumped out to a nice first quarter lead, held serve in the second quarter, gave up the lead in the third, and got blown out in the fourth. The Pacers last night reminded me of so many Hawks teams over the last few years. More importantly, it was nice to see the Hawks systematically dismantle a poor team (albeit minus its best player). That's the sign of a good team.

2. Roy Hibbert is second only to Yao Ming in the "man that guy is a physical fucking freak" in the list of players I've seen up close. He played really well last night and has a good enough post-up game and rebounding prowess that it's kinda surprising he's not much better.

3. I'm not a doctor, and I didn't stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night, but I'm not optimistic about Marvin's injury. I'm glad he might make it back, but he will probably need surgery in the offseason, and he's still probably not going to be at full strength when he does return. On the brightside, this increases the Hawks ability to lowball him ala J-Smoove during his restricted free agency this summer.

4. Mo Evans had a nice game last night (+19), but he's not going to be able to replicate Marvin's scoring or rebounding output. However, if he continues shooting the 3ball like he has, maybe we won't miss that aspect of Marvin's game as much as I thought.

5. Chris Paul, while still a douche, is amazing to watch in person. The Hawks were mostly effective at limiting his ability to split the defense and penetrate the lane, but the few times he did, it was like watching a 6'', 185lb LeBron out there. Dude just opens up passing lanes out of nowhere also. He basically owned Mike Bibby defensively as well. Along with LeBron, Duncan, DWade, the Celtics, and Kobe, he might make my list of "I am going to that fucking game" when he comes to town.

6. This is completely irrelevant whether we are winning or losing, but does Josh Smith seem to be a) dunking less and b) dunking with less authority over the last few weeks? I didn't think about it until I attended these games this week and had to rely on Flip Murray for some of my my "UNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" shouts following a powerful jam. That said, there's few things more exciting then seeing the Hawks on a fast break and realizing Smith his a clear path and a good passer about to feed him the ball. Bonus points if it is a game-clincher like during the New Orleans game. If that had been in NBA Jam, it would have elicited a "THE NAAAIL IN THE COFFIN" shout from the announcer.

7. As for Smith's benching in Charlotte, this kind of crap is getting annoying. I'm not sure what the suspension was about, but if it was about effort/getting back on defense, I'm not sure I've seen a marked improvement over the last few games in that area. So, uh, way to go Woody. As my buddy Logan pointed out, Smith is just a baby. He's not a "punk" or a "thug" (I hate when those terms get used about him- looking at you sports talk fools), he's just a baby that happens to play basketball. If he was a banker or some other type of boring-job co-worker, he'd be that guy who always annoyed his boss, always took shortcuts on their work, complained about their workload, never went above-or-beyond on any project, etc. He's been in the league for 5 seasons, so we're running out of time on the "he's just young and immature!" excuse.

8. Joe Johnson appears to have given curbjaw to his slump. Let's hope this continues, because there is no way we can beat the Heat in a Round 1 matchup with Joe not at the top of his game.

9. Coach Woodson apparently reads Hawks blogs, finally giving Acie Law some run! He's still raw, but there's definite potential there, espicially on the offensive end. That said, not sure I see him as starter-material next season, but it does give Rick Sund a little bit of wiggle room with regards to Mike Bibby's impending free agency. On another note, Coach Woodson definitely doesn't read Hawks blogs, because for some reason he deemed it appropriate to reward Mario West's first good game EVER against the Jazz by inexplicably allowing him to be the team's 6th man last night. What. the. hell.

10. Finally, a mini-RIP to the career of Allen Iverson as a star-quality figure on a contending team. As one of my favorite players ever, this pains me to type, but the Pistons are a much better team when he is not on the court. It allows their best player, Rip Hamilton, to do what he does best: run those annoying screen-curl-shoot sequences. The other Pistons sense this as well.

“Some games we do feel like the old Pistons,” McDyess said. “We’ve got each other’s backs, playing free and having fun. For a while it’s been that way, since we’ve had Rip in the lineup.”

“We’ve got to keep it the way it is,” McDyess said. “We’ve only lost (two) games with him in the lineup. He’s been sharing the ball like a point guard, which is not his strength, and really scoring, also. With the energy he brings, it’s like we have more confidence in ourselves now.”

What does that have to do with the Hawks? Well, nothing. But let's just say my dream Round 1 matchup for the Hawks involves the Pistons. And Allen Iverson. And not Dwayne Wade.

Seriously? Another WBC post?

Yesterday on 790 The Zone, David Pollack and Mike Bell were poking fun at the World Baseball Classic. They're hardly alone in this regard, as other than ESPN's tepid coverage of the event (and they've got all the ponies in this race), coverage and interest in this event has been marginal at best in the country that deems baseball its' national pastime.

I still don't understand why. Americans love baseball. Americans love contrived made-for-TV events. The World Cup (understandably) and the Olympics (less so) are covered with respect and admiration. The passion (not to mention TV ratings) surrounding the events in Latin America, Asia and even Canada was intense and as rollicking as anything in the World Cup or the Olympics.

I've touched on some of the problems with the WBC here, but I think on a larger scale that while they still love the sport, American baseball fans are just fed up with baseball and Bud Selig in general. They view any changes or innovation he brings to the table (interleague play, the All-Star game 'counting', instant replay, etc.) with skepticism and trepidation. American baseball fans simply want to cheer for their Braves, Yankees, Pirates, Angels or whatever and forget anything else that goes on in the game outside of their team's season. Unfortunately, this probably includes this tournament, which has been exciting as hell thus far and has featured two impressive wins by the U.S. team.

Case in point: Tonight's U.S.-Venezuela game for the Pool C championship will be televised on ESPN Deportes and MLB Network...two stations most people don't get. What will be on the widely available ESPN2? Netherlands-Puerto Rico. Only in America.

Some other thoughts on the tournament thus far:

I still can't wrap my head around the Dominican team loaded with major leaguers losing twice to a Netherlands squad that features two big leaguers. This all in front of what essentially amounted to a home crowd in Puerto Rico's stadium. The WBC was the Dominican's stage to shine, as they are never players in either the Olympics, World Cup, or any other intercontinental event. They blew it.

Why was Willy Aybar, known to Braves' fans as that guy we got for Betemit that went AWOL and landed in rehab, playing first base in the 11th inning? I haven't exactly followed Aybar's career since he left the Braves, but I thought he was a prototypical middle infielder. As I watched him misread two standard plays that led to the winning runs, I couldn't help but think he looked horribly out-of-position at first. Kind of like me in my epic six-error performance at first during the father-son fraternity softball game my sophomore year.

The Dominican roster was put together like one of Isiah Thomas' Knicks squads. There were alot of past-their-prime players. Unless you count David Ortiz and apparently Aybar, there were no first basemen. Their two best players, Hanley Ramirez and Jose Reyes play the same position, and for some reason Miguel Tejada was still on the team.

That said, four of the five runs the Dominicans gave up were unearned, and they scored 12 runs to their opponents five. Much like in a five or seven game playoff series, the best team doesn't necessarily win. I gotta think the Dominicans would beat the Dutch at least 70% of the time. C'est la vie.

Got to give the Netherlands credit though. Pitching coach Bert Blyleven's staff has a 1.67 ERA thus far against stacked Dominican and Puetro Rico lineups, and the Dutch have not trailed for 25 of the 29 innings they've played thus far. Their bats will have to wake up if they want to pull this off again in Round 2, but it's a nice story.

Mexico will try to avoid the fate of the D.R. in tonight's rematch in Mexico City against the Aussies for the right to lose to Cuba tomorrow. This Australia squad is no joke, as they led the Cubans 4-1 heading into the 7th inning last night before their 'pen imploded. Add that to the fact the Mexcians will be without two starters that were injured against South Africa and we could be looking at a Round 2 with the Netherlands and Australia.

Haven't said much about the U.S. squad, but their performance against a good Venezuela team was dominating and a joy to watch, Chipper's first aggravating injury of 2009 notwithstanding. The U.S. offense should be able to keep them in any game.

Does anyone know who picked this squad? Youkilis, Adam Dunn, Braun, Wright, McCann, etc? It's like a sabermetrican's wet dream. Maybe that has more to do with their success thus far than all the chemistry and camraderie? Because I'm pretty sure every squad still standing is still running out of the dugout after every run crosses home plate.

Yesterday in the WBC:

Smith was so overjoyed he ripped the "H" off the back of his jersey in excitement.

Netherlands 3 Dominican Republic 2 - Well this is embarrassing for the Dominicans. Somewhere in Santo Domingo, there is a crusty old sportswriter sitting at a typewriter trying to pin this loss on A-Rod. Meanwhile, Sidney Ponson had a typical "good for Sidney Ponson" outing: 4IP, 5H, 2ER, 3BB, 1HR allowed, 4.50ERA for the Dutch. This all but assures that he will get signed by some desperate contender in mid-June, only to completely implode by August and get waived with a 6.75ERA.

USA 6 Canada 5 - The U.S. avenges their 2006 loss to Canada behind homeruns from chubby pasty white guys Brian McCann, Kevin Youkilis and Adam Dunn. To their credit, the Canadian crowd in Toronto was nuts for this game, creating a playoff-type atmosphere. I'm officially pulling for them to upset Venezuela and advance to Round 2. Also, only in an interview with the president of "Baseball Canada" could you ever hear Rick Sutcliffe utter the phrase "the next Stubby Clapp."

Puerto Rico 7 Panama 0 - In the first inning, the announcer mentioned that former Braves, Orioles, and about-10-other-teams pitcher Bruce Chen was hoping for a strong WBC performance in hopes of signing on with a big league team. Just as the spittle landed on the mike, Carlos Delgado knocked one into the right field stands, causing delirious Puerto Ricans to celebrate by jumping up and down, shaking violently and pouring beer all over each other. It's like the SEC, only replace "beer" with "dip cups." We'd never waste beer like that.

Venezuela 7 Italy 0 - After somehow shutting out the Venezuelans through four innings, the Italians brought in Jason Grilli, who does what he does best, giving up a homer and 3 runs in 1/3 of an inning. Carlos Silva and Felix Hernandez each pitched four scoreless innings, which i'm sure thrilled their respective MLB team's skippers to no end, seeing as how they're busting out with 60-pitch sessions during the first week of March.

Korea 14 China 0 - So this technically happened this morning I guess, but whatever. Nobody knows what time it is right now anyways. Korea clinches a spot the next round of competition, joining Japan from Group A. Have you noticed the disparity in talent between the Asian countries? Japan mercy-ruled Korea, which mercy-ruled China, which beat a hapless Taiwan team 4-1 for their only win in this tournament ever.

Today: Cuba has probably already dispatched of South Africa by the time you read this, Panama becomes sacraficial lambs for a shellshocked Dominican team looking to avoid a stunning elimination, Venezuela and the U.S. play for a spot in the next round at 8p.m. tonight; and at the same time, Australia and Mexico square off in a matchup that is making me re-think my plans to watch the U.S. game at a dingy mexican restaurant with only one TV, located within viewing distance of the kitchen...

Handicapping the WBC

So who has the best chance to win this tournament nobody cares about? Glad you asked...in reverse order:

16. South Africa - It will be an accomplishment if they can avoid being mercy-ruled more than once. Thanks for playing.

15. Italy - They're the designated whipping boy in the U.S.-Canada-Venezuela pool. Not that that kind of thing matters when Frank Cattalonotto is your best player.

14. Netherlands - At least they get to keep Amsterdam. Suffice to say, if Andruw Jones skipping this year's tournament actually hurts your team, you probably weren't going very far in the first place. Hey, and look, it's a Randall Simon sighting, he of John Rocker's "fat monkey" taunts, and noted Italian Sausage assailant.

13. Taiwan (aka "Chinese Taipei?") - For what it's worth, I think these guys may be eliminated already. Hmm. Just checked...and yeah they are. Runaround Sue's, where good writing goes to die a death by bludgeoning.

12. China - Forgetting the whole "two cultures hating each other" problem, Taiwan may want to go ahead and hitch their wagon to this pony for the next few tournaments. In ten years, when China has 6"7 twelve-year-olds re-enacting the final scene from that terrible movie "The Scout," don't say I didn't warn ya.

11. Australia - You got to give these guys credit. Just like in basketball, they throw out a team of scrubs, yet they never quite hit an 'Angola '92' or 'South Africa '06' level of suck. If there's ever an (American) Football World Cup, I fully expect the Australian team to be filled with scrappy rugby players that nobody wants to play (for fear of losing an eyeball in a pileup).

10. Korea - These guys just got merci-ruled by Japan a few hours ago. They could be decent for all I know, but they ain't winning the whole kibosh.

9. Panama - Bruce Chen is their best starter. Mariano Rivera isn't playing. Next.

8. Canada - Alot to like here: A legitimately solid lineup featuring Russell Martin, Justin Morneau, Jason Bay, Joey Votto, Matt Stairs and Pete Orr (ok, forget Orr, but still). "Home-field" advantage in the first round of the tourney. Unfortunately, their pitching staff prominently features the legendary Jesse Crain, and they drew the Pool of Death with the U.S. and Venezuela. Still, another upset of the U.S.A. in a few hours wouldn't surprise me in the least.

7. Mexico - The good: Oliver Perez and Adrian Gonzalez anchor their rotation and lineup. The bad: Oliver Perez and Adrian Gonzalez anchor their rotation and lineup.

6. Puerto Rico - Weak rotation (though with Javier Vazquez as their #2, I don't want to think what that says about the Braves' rotation), but they bring the bats with Beltran, Delgado, Felipe Lopez and the return of Bernie Williams. Quick question: How do you think they decided on Yadier Molina as this team's catcher over his brothers? Bengie must be pissed. Anyways, watch their Round 1 games if for no other reason than the insane crowd at their home field. It makes Yankees-Sox games look like some Baptist Church T-Ball Ish. I can't even describe it...or comprehend how baseball can create and sustain that level of excitement for four hours.

5. U.S.A. - Let's just say if this was a "playing for pride" rankings, they'd be in South Africa territory. How the hell do we end up with a pitching rotation of this? I watch hundreds of baseball games each year, play in two fantasy leagues and I've never even heard of some of those guys. Where are our big arms? Lincecum, Beckett, Doc Halladay, Kazmir, Hamels, Haren, Sabathia, etc? Just sign 'em up, and let them each pitch 1-2 innings per outing, all-star style. John Grabow, really? What the hell?

4. Venezuela - Pretty much the opposite of the U.S. on the "playing for pride" spectrum. Remember how insane these guys were going during the home run derby where the competition was divided up by countries? Of course you don't...me. neither. Anyways, peep this rotation: Felix Hernandez, Carlos Zambrano, Carlos Silva, Armando Galaragga, with K-Rod closing games. Now imagine if Johan Santana didn't have to sit this one out with an injury. Add that to a lineup of Miggy Cabrera, Carlos Guillen, Magglio, JoLopez, Ramon HJernandez, Melvin Mora and others, and that's a nice squad...as well as half the Detroit Tigers' roster.

3. Japan - After another mercy rule win last night, these guys are quickly becoming USA-in-1990's-Olympic-Basketball good. Still though, I just don't trust that Tetsuya Yamaguchi. He'll be their undoing, just you watch.

2. Dominican Republic - Now that's a talented roster. It's also a front for "The Future of PED's - Where Do We Go From Here? 2009 Summit." Any guess on the over-under of shady trainers hanging out in the parking lot after each D.R. game? 16? 20? One-per-player?

1. Cuba - I don't know one player on their team. But anytime you match a bunch of exhibition-happy big leaguers against a team of world-class athletes making $11 per week who view the WBC as their World Cup, Olympics and World Series all rolled into one, I'm rolling with the migrants. Add in the "Win this One for Castro" and "Maybe if we get to the finals in L.A. I can claim political asylum" factors, and this one's a lock. Viva Coo-ba.

Fixin' the World Baseball Classic

Furman Bisher's Worst Nightmare

Sometime last night, between my 6th Natty Light tallboy and waking up by rolling over one of the 6 staples holding together my lacerated scalp (long weekend), the World Baseball Classic began with defending champ's Japan's 4-0 victory over China. Call me a sucker for gimmicks, but I count me as a, and maybe the only, fan of this whole World Baseball Classic idea. It's like soccer's World Cup, only less gay. Unfortunately, like many of Bud Selig and Company's good ideas over the years, the WBC has been implemented so awkwardly that it isn't really viewed as anything more than a bush-league pet-project of Selig's. Among the problems:

1. Due to the timing, many of the best players sit out of competition.

Sure, someone like a Gary Sheffield ("if they ain't payin' me, i'm not playin" -2006) or Barry Bonds would never play in something like this; but, when stars like Albert Pujols and Johan Santana elect to sit this one out due to (very legitimate) concerns about how it will effect their readiness for the upcoming season, it kind of undermines the whole "world's best" mentality. Add in behind-the-scenes grumblings (like the Braves' supposed balking at a deal with Japaneese ace Kenshin Kawakami until he agreed not to play in the WBC), and the point is driven home further: MLB front offices don't like this thing. Not sure this problem can be fixed, at least until the WBC gains some Olympic-esque cache.

2. Teams can cherry pick players who've never lived in their country.

This seems less common this year, but why the hell should Nomar Garciaparra (born in California) be allowed to play for Mexico as he did in 2006? Maybe I'm sounding old-fashoined here, but you rep where you from. And A-Rod, born n' raised in Miami, is not from the Dominican Republic (though that seems like less of an issue now). Look at Italy's roster! It's like they let any scrub major leaguer whose name ends in a vowel on the team. I'd bet half that roster has never set foot in The Boot before. This rule needs to go...both here, and in the Olympics. Ben Gordon playing for England my ass.

3. Some of these teams should not be in the WBC, period.

Sorry, Selig, baseball ain't soccer. It's not a worldwide, beloved sport. They don't play world-class baseball in Europe. Ditto for South Africa. Peep this list of where every major league player ever has been born. Click the European countries. None of them have produced a major leaguer since the days when our Presidents wore monocles. Therefore, Italy and South Africa, be gone.

Taiwan and South Korea are new to the game and are already sending their best to the bigs, so they can stay.

China gets a pass too, since it's impossible to do anything global nowadays without including them. Plus, pretty soon they'll be genetically engeneering baseball players and forcing four-year-olds to undergo Tommy John surgery, so we may as well go ahead and jump the gun on this one.

Australia can stay as well, as they have proven quite adept at pumping out end-of-the-bench type talents.

Netherlands, you can hold your spot by default, but you have to change your name to Dutch Antillies, to better represent where your baseball bread is buttered.

Replace Italy and South Africa with Columbia (let Edgar Rentaria and Orlando Cabrera fight to the death for the starting SS spot) and Nicaragua, countries that play baseball year-round and have actually produced major-leaguers this century. Hopefully, this can mean the end of the mercy rule (yes, there really is one) in the WBC.

So there you have it...a tournament consisting of teams made up of players actually from the countries they're representing, in which baseball is actually played. A novel concept, I know, but one juuust obvious enough for Selig to miss the boat. And while we're at it, let's keep holding this thing every three years (after this year, it will be held every four years), just to give it some history and intrigue. This could help with problem #1, as national pride might be enough to bring out the biggest stars in the game.

Tomorrow: Sue's WBC predictions.

Saturday: USA's Game 1 liveblog. C'mon, it's early March, and I'm not feelin like talking about how the Hawks are quietly collapsing, so what else do ya want from us?

Bawlin' Cawlin' 03-05-09

With 22 games remaining on the schedule, and Atlanta a full 10 games back from Orlando for the #3 seed, it seems the only thing left for the Hawks to fight for is the #4 seed and a shot at playing Miami (2.5 back from the Hawks) or Detroit (3.5) in the opening round (I'm thinking Milwaukee and Philly don't have spurts in them to make up 5 and 7 games, respectively). Is this enough to motivate a team to play at the top of their game? What you want to do is catch your ass on fire heading into the postseason, a la the 2007 NFL football Giants. The last thing you want to do is pull a Gail Devers.

Don't bust yo ass down the stretch, BABY HAWKS!

The schedule is favorable, with only 10 of 22 games against teams with records currently better than the Hawks (and of those, a great deal are Western Conference teams). The key is to not glide along, and remain energized on the prospect of ending the season as a respectable challenger to the East throne. The organization has something to be proud of this year, but faltering down the stretch and falling to the fifth or sixth seed, while walking into your first playoff game with an enormous stench surrounding your squad, could erase that.

But if the Hawks need further motivation, which the fourth quarter of several games this (not to mention recent) season(s) seem to suggest, how's about the prospect of facing the Celtics in Round 2? If the Celtics can somehow stop sputtering around and LeBron and Company stop being a ridiculous juggernaut, it's a very plausible situation. I know the Hawks were thinking all off season that they wanted another shot at the Celts. If they only had one more game, one more chance to score, one more 24-second shot clock of time, they could've done it. If they carry themselves into the second round of the playoffs and face-off against Boston, I fully believe the Hawks can take them. Which would put them...in the Eastern Conference Finals? Okay, sure. I'll admit all of a sudden that situation becomes completely ridiculous when you think of it that way. But if the Hawks can catch fire and all of a sudden start playing out of their minds - like a late-for-her-rent-Saigon whore with pocket fulls of eightballs and a house full of GIs on R&R leave - it's not impossible we could see Hawks/Cavs in the Finals. Which would I'm sure piss off a lot of people, and probably hit the NBA financially even more.

But dammit...It sure would be a nice parting gift from the city of Atlanta to a transplanted Georgia boy about to move on.

Records
OBJ: 11-6
Joe Friday: 11-6

The excitement is piling on like the drunkest douche at the bar talking to the last cute girl at a bar.

Today's Picks

OBJ 1: San Antonio (+3.5) over Dallas

The best part about having more than a few teams you root for as "hometown" teams? When your blog partner (blartner? partnog? plogner?) takes the Hawks off the table, you still have one or two on reserve.

I understand that the Spurs are 2-1 against the spread versus Dallas this season. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take that, but I'm guessing commons sense dictates I should assume Dallas will cover. Well, FUCK YOU common sense. Where the FUCK have you been all my life, ANYWAY?

OBJ 2: New Jersey (+7.5) over Boston

Ugh. What the fuck do YOU want, common sense? Eh? What's that? Boston's defeated the Nets seven straight times since March 3rd of 2007? By an average margin of WHAT? 16 points?? The two meetings this year have been 118-86 and 105-85? HAH! Shows what YOU know, DICKHEAD common sense. This all means JERSEY'S DUE, BABY!

Joe Friday 1: Atlanta (PK) over New York

Joe Friday 2: Miami/Phoenix OVER 226