Running around to Give you the Reacharound


And just to ensure you DEFINITELY never return...

This blog...well, its fucking dead. I can't even scroll down for fear of the cringe-inducing sporadic posts that constituted the final days of Sue's. I'm sure there's a video of Steve Nash or something down there. So in that spirit...I present to you a list (more where that will come from, for better or worse) of The Top Ten Beers.

Now, obviously, this is just some jackass with a blog's opinion. Not to mention, beer taste is totally subjective. You can take all your fancy, dark, "tasteful," "i drank this in germany," "i like hoppy beer" opinions to some microbrew blog for refined douchebags. If I'm drinking beer, I'm drinking it for two reasons: 1) to heighten my experience while dining at a mediocre Mexican establishment or 2) to get mind-numbingly intoxicated. I don't want a beer that tastes like a 5 course meal. Onto the list:

1) Amstel Light - Crisp, light, has a unique taste, comes in a well-insulated bottle. If I am at a wedding that is serving Amstel Light, that is what I am drinking all night, open bar or not.

2) Natural Light - Tastes like water? So fucking what? Who the hell doesn't drink water? First of all, its nowhere near as water-y as detractors make it out to be. It still has a substantial Bud Light flavor to it. And at less than 8 dollars for a 12-pack and never more than $15 for a 30 pack, its the best value in brew.

3) Coors Light - Huge development in my beer-swilling habits of late: Coors Light recently ended Bud Light's 10-year reign as my domestic light beer of choice when a) out at a bar or b) needing to provide beer to a female that is thouroughly disgusted by Natty Light.

4) Bud Light - I will always enjoy Bud Light and have no idea why Coors Light supplanted it (uggh, I truly feel bad for anyone still reading down this far).

5) Bud Select - You cannot convince me there is a difference between Bud Select and Natty Light. Same "water-y" taste as declared by the masses. Same caloric content (95). Same distributors. Perhaps if any person I knew actually drank these two beers, someone else besides me might notice this.

6) Heineken - Closest beer to a premium that I'll drink and actually enjoy over a good ole domestic.

7) Brooklyn Lager - Yes, this is a gay microbrew from Williamsburg, Brooklyn of all places. But it doesn't try to overdo it with hops, spices and anything else that makes the brewmasters at Sam Adams nut their pants. Just a strong American beer. Yet to meet one person who has tried this beer and hasn't become a fan.

8) Coors - Best of all the non-light domestics, narrowly edging the original Budweiser. Thought I must admit I have never had a Miller Genuine Draft. That will change soon.

9) Miller Lite - It's a light, moderately priced American beer. It makes the list. However you would describe that distinct flavor that Miller Lite ads always tout is precisely the reason I have it so much lower than Bud/Coors Light on my list. It's also why Miller Lite drinkers are fiercely loyal to that brand, more so than fans of the other two are.

10) Sweetwater Blue - I really enjoy one, maybe two of these. Anything more than that leaves a bitter and sticky aftertaste in your mouth Yes, I know its a female beer (ask me, any Sweetwater falls under that category). At least I didn't go the Corona/Blue Moon route. Fruit in your beer? Please son.

One more thing: PBR tastes like ass...I don't get that one at all.

Thoughts on the embarrassment that is the Hawks or idiocy that is "mega-conferences" in college football coming tomorrow. Or in November.

1 comment:

La Fleur Balkanique said...

Ahem...can we please get the reviews for the 1st and 3rd Mighty Ducks films? :D

I randomly stumbled onto this blog when searching Mighty Ducks, a childhood obsession, and pissed myself laughing at the awesome review you guys wrote up.

More, MORE I say! ;)